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Lost my baby girl at 22 weeks 5 days

I lost my baby girl almost 3 weeks ago now but the pain only seems to be getting stronger. I have no idea what happened and am awaiting results from the hospital, they tested my bloods, the placenta and took swabs from my vagina shortly after delivery. I bled very early on in pregnancy, about 5 weeks in, 2 weeks after conception, I bled a lot and had very bad cramping pains in my stomach. I went straight to the Emergency Room as I thought I was having a miscarriage. They checked the sack which was still in my uterus and gave me another ultrasound a week later and everything was okay. I had my 12 weeks scan, baby was fine and at around 18 weeks I experienced extremely bad pains in my lower stomach and back. I went back to the Emergency room, they tested my urine and although it was clear they said I had a kidney infection and prescribed me antibiotics and sent me home. This was on a Friday and on the following Sunday the pains became excruciating and I couldn't stand or walk. I trusted the doctors and just thought it was my kidneys so i stayed off work the following 2 days to rest and by the Friday my antibiotics course was over and I still had the pains, although not as bad. I made an appointment with a GP and brought my chart, I explained the situation, he tested my urine and briefly examined my stomach. He told me my womb was expanding up towards my belly button and that I was experiencing round ligament pain and that my urine was clear. I felt really annoyed that the hospital had misdiagnosed me.

I went to my 20 week scan the week later (I was only 19 weeks pregnant), baby and heartbeat was fine so I didn't think anything of the pains. So 2 weeks later and about 3 weeks ago at work, I started getting bad pains in my stomach again. I wasn't showing for most of my pregnancy and my stomach only started expanding from 20 weeks so I again thought this was the ligament pain. I was getting the pain every so often throughout the day and at night until I started getting them every 20-30 minutes and they were getting worse so my I went to the Emergency room again. I had also been getting white/light yellow discharge for a week beforehand but thought nothing of it as I read online that this is normal. But that night I started to see a bit of pink in the discharge which really worried me. They tested the baby's heartbeat at the hospital that morning which was normal and tested my urine again. They said I had a Urinary Tract Infection and gave me more antibiotics and sent me home. They said that I seemed to be prone to infections and that they may have to put me on antibiotics the whole way through my pregnancy.

The following morning, I started to bleed and clot and was still getting the pains. I checked online and saw that you bled with UTI's during pregnancy so I stupidly thought this was normal. The bleeding lasted all day and I stayed in bed so the pains weren't as bad. But by night the bleeding hadn't subsided and I was getting the pains bad again and more frequently so I returned to the hospital. 3 different doctors examined me internally and gave me ultrasounds. My cervix was dilated and my womb was open, the ultrasound showed that I had lost some of my waters. They told me my due date was changed to the following day. I was devastated and began crying hysterically.

The pains died down overnight and I genuinely thought I could hold on to the baby but by the following night the pains started getting worse and more frequent. All the doctors were talking about was an infection that may have caused this but I knew at this point I was in labour. The pain became unbearable and I was bleeding very heavily so they brought me to a private labour room. I still didn't realise what was happening and tried to keep my baby inside me. They didn't have any time to give me pain relief as it was happening so fast. The pain subsided when I gave birth and I became calmer. They told me it was a girl, I always knew it was even though the hospital had never confirmed it, and I began crying hysterically.

I still don't know what really happened and straight away I started blaming myself for things I must have done or that I should have known there was something more wrong and that I was careless. I would give anything to bring my daughter back and this is the hardest most painful thing I have ever gone through. Looking at other babies and kids makes me extremely upset and I feel so empty and lonely inside. I feel like the only thing I want and need is my baby. Nothing else makes me happy. Has anyone been through similar or knows of what happened to me? I really tried to look after my baby while I was pregnant, I ate really well, never smoked or drank and only had one decaf a day. There isn't a single decision I made while I was pregnant without thinking about her first. This just seems so wrong. I am devastated and 3 weeks on I'm not getting any better.
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