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Loss Of A Mother (Page 1)

I am 51-year old male that is dealing with a loss of a mother. My mother lived a full life, she passed away at 95 just over a week ago. Many don't reach that age, so I am thankful that she was with us for that long. However, I feel that a part of me has died and feel so emotionally wrecked right now. Everytime I close my eyes, the flashbacks of her happiness, the joy that she brought to her grandkids and the sacrifices she made for her children fill my mind, and I start to breakdown.

It am filled with guilt, anger and despair. This is so devastating and I am having a hard time coping with her loss.

If you have lost a mother, I would like to hear from you on how you are coping and dealing with it.
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replied May 30th, 2009
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Not sure if a 51 year man will like an advice from someone who is only 22 (simply because you are far more experienced than me in life, aren't you?).

Even though it's much easier said then done, I would like to say you should try to divert your mind to other thoughts. You have to start from somewhere. She is not going to come back if you keep on thinking about her. Her soul may be hurt to know that you are so depressed. Try to be a little busy and spend more time with friends, relatives, and people closer to your heart. A little bit of physical exercise and meditation can be of a great help. Don't stay at home alone. Be with a lot of people and share your emotions with them.

Don't know how much I helped but an honest effort from me!

Your mother's soul attains eternal bliss!
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Users who thank concernedn for this post: mamasboy 

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replied May 30th, 2009
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Honey don't fill guilt, you gave your mom your love and grandchildren..Nothing could have been more special to her..

I did lose my mom several years ago..She is always with me and I don't feel her loss so bad..I see her in everything I do including looking in the mirror or into my grandsons eyes..He has my moms eyes..

A loss of someone close is a part of you that is cut away andit is important to stay busy..Think of her but think of her no longer in pain or sad..You will carry her in your heart and that is where she would want to be..She wouldn't want you so sad..It's ok to say I miss you mom and even to cry..

Get outside and plant flowers and trees in her memory..Get with your frineds and kids and enjoy life..That is what she would want and that is what I do..
God bless..I am here if you ever need to talk..KD
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replied June 5th, 2009
Loss of my mother- my best friend- my soul mate... in 40 days!
I recently lost my mother to a extremely rare breast cancer. I am 35 and she was 57. She passed 40 days after her mastectomy.(May 17, 2009) I can not seem to find my way. I hate everything- I want to be left alone- I just about cannot breath. She was not just my motehr but my very best friend. She helped me raise my oldest son and was like a 2nd mother to him. She was always my support system and the one I knew I could always lean on. I am married and my pain has definately put a strain on our marriage. I just miss her so deeply that I physically feel the pain. My heart truly aches. I go to call her everyday- to stop and realize she is not there. SHe was such a wonderful person and loved by so many, but ehr and I we had a special bond... a closeness that most dont understand.
I go to work daily and I try to "hang" with friends, but the truth is... it is a true effort to anything. My daughter...I love her so very much and she is at that age she needs me and I have to push myself to try and be there for her too..I never thought I could feel the extreme amount of sorrow and pain in my soul as I do now. I have lost a part of myself and just do not know how to cope with it....I do see I am not alone in this... so I'm happy to knkow I am not going crazy! :>)
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replied June 5th, 2009
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Oh Honey you are not crazy..I at times feel so strong to call my mom and I can't..I was just getting close with her when she passed..I am thankfull for time we had but wonder what could have been..You have your daughter and now you will pour all that love into her and you will be best of friends..It won't change anything other than your tradition will go on..God Bless..I am here if you need to talk..Kd
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replied June 5th, 2009
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Re: Loss of my mother- my best friend- my soul mate... in 40 day
Brokenhearted2009 wrote:
I recently lost my mother to a extremely rare breast cancer. I am 35 and she was 57. She passed 40 days after her mastectomy.(May 17, 2009) I can not seem to find my way. I hate everything- I want to be left alone- I just about cannot breath. She was not just my motehr but my very best friend. She helped me raise my oldest son and was like a 2nd mother to him. She was always my support system and the one I knew I could always lean on. I am married and my pain has definately put a strain on our marriage. I just miss her so deeply that I physically feel the pain. My heart truly aches. I go to call her everyday- to stop and realize she is not there. SHe was such a wonderful person and loved by so many, but ehr and I we had a special bond... a closeness that most dont understand.
I go to work daily and I try to "hang" with friends, but the truth is... it is a true effort to anything. My daughter...I love her so very much and she is at that age she needs me and I have to push myself to try and be there for her too..I never thought I could feel the extreme amount of sorrow and pain in my soul as I do now. I have lost a part of myself and just do not know how to cope with it....I do see I am not alone in this... so I'm happy to knkow I am not going crazy! :>)


I pray to God your mom remains blessed in the Garden for eternity!

God is with you in these difficult times and He shall relieve your pain!
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Users who thank concernedn for this post: mamasboy 

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replied June 5th, 2009
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It is so normal to have guilt, anger, and despair. Guilt...did I do enough? Was I the best son I could be? Anger.......why now? Why not more time? Despair....what now? How can I go on? Why does my heart and soul feel like its dying as well? No one can replace your mother. No relationship will ever compare to the bond you both shared. Grief is necessary for the healing process. Rejoice in her memories! When I watched my grandmother pass away the last thing she said was rejoice in my life. Cry no tears of sadness I am going to be with my heavenly father. Think of the 95 years she gave loving and sacrificing for her loved ones. It is human nature to be selfish and want to hold one. Grasp your life now and be the best you can be. Follow the legacy of having it said about you one day. He lived a loving life he was loved and he will be dearly missed. It is good to reminisce of memories and share them. And finally I am sure you have asked yourself did she know how much I loved her? Sweetheart she was your mother, she knows.
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replied June 5th, 2009
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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Norman Cousins
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replied June 21st, 2009
Coping with the loss of my Mother is a spiritual journey.
My Mother passed on April 29, 2009. I miss her so much. Yet, I feel her close to me in a very different way. I speak to her mentally and carry her in my heart. I have been blessed to have many of her personal items, baking pans, hand mirror, summer hat, ring and other special items. I have closed the door but, it is definitely a screen door. I will never forget my Mother. I thank God for my life time of truly listening and learning from her. It seems that we are even more close. I will take her with me into my eternity. I love her for all that she did for me, and for life itself. I honor her by being my best each day. How can I not be, with her vividly inside of me. I feel more whole and complete as a women. I never knew this way of being before. We know what we know, we know what we don't know, but we don't know, what we don't know until the time comes in our life to experience the unknown. There's was no way to know how to be until I experienced this profound unfolding of life without the physical presence of Mother. I am clear that her passing is so meaniful to my spiritual journey and grown toward becoming a God's Woman, wise and wonderful, like her, but different.

I am thankful to have my faith and my spritual connection to my beautiful and loving Mother.

I am thankful for God's Grace, it is sufficient
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Users who thank Atabasee for this post: mamasboy 

replied June 23rd, 2009
loss of a dear mother
I am a 50-year old male who lost his almost-74 y.o. mother 4 days ago (June 19, 2009) due to cardiac arrest brought about by advanced metastatic breast cancer. The pain in my heart is still great, but I try to cope by reading prayer books and inspirational articles when I am not working. I think I feel this great sadness because my mom's spirit and memory are still not inside my heart due to the recency of her death. But I know it is only a matter of time before my mother becomes a part of me -when her spirit finally takes abode in my heart. Then I'll carry her wherever I go, and we will be together every time. I loved my mother so much - much more than I do myself. We had plenty of quality time together, and I learned a lot of pratical things in life from her. She was my best friend and hero. I wish I can hear her familiar voice right now, but I know I can't. As the other poster said, the best way to honor your mother's memory is to always do your best everyday so you can be the best you can be. That's what your mom wants for you. I am just happy with the fact that my last words to my mom were "I love you, Mommy." on the phone. One of my plans is to put together a video about my mom's lifetime, and upload it on youtube. All of my friends and relatives can then watch it, plus it will be a semi-long project that will occupy my mind for a while while I grieve. I miss my mom so mch!!!
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Users who thank WoofieAmadeus for this post: mamasboy 

replied June 26th, 2009
Oh honey don't feel guilty yourself. Because death is the universal truth,It a law of nature, Don't be upset your mother lived with you so long. I know this time is very hard for you. Your feeling is normal.
Now you have to be strong.Don't feel alone because your mom's soul is always with you.
My prayer's always with you.


condolences
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replied July 18th, 2009
Someone once told that no one will ever love you like your mother. When my mother passed the realization that I will never again find that kind of unconditional love left a void in me that at times is almost too much to bear. At first I was numb - I knew it was coming - I knew and understood the physiology behind her passing, and I studied the psychology that accompanies mourning. I thought I was ready. I wasn't. I never knew that the grief I would experience from losing my best friend would cut so deep. It gets easier as time passes, yet some days the grief is so near, and so deep, I can barely breathe.
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replied August 7th, 2009
I feel the same way I lost my mom one week ago today and i feel like i am drownming in grief I always turned to her for advice and confermation in things I did in my life i have three kids my son graduated in may and moved away 2 hours away to begin his teaching carrer and my daughter is starting collage next week this is just to many goodbyes in one week and sometimes feel like i am drowning in loss i do have a good job at school that begins next week but i feel like going back to work is just to big of a effort but maybe being busy will stop me on focusing on my loss. There are days where i cant breathe but i do still have my youn gest son who is 12 and starting jr high i hope in 6 months to be in a better place with losing my mom.All i can do is take one day at a time and rejoice that my kids are doing what they should be doing living so i may be sad thinking about my mom everyday i can hear here say that i have done a wonderful job raising her grandkids let them fly they will always come home. bk
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replied August 13th, 2009
The past three months has been very painful, but I am coming around. I am at a point where acceptance of her loss is much easier to bear. I just think of all the good things that she left us with, and that help eliminate some of the grief. I still breakdown once in a while because I feel that's the only way she can remain in my memory and feel her presence.

Thanks to all who have replied to my post and for sharing your advice and thoughts. It is certainly comforting to know that there are people out there who care.
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replied August 16th, 2009
My Mom's death
My Mom died June 18th, 2009. Very suddenly and was unexpected. She just turned 61yrs old a few weeks before her death. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. The last time I saw my mom, was 3 weeks before her death, at my parents' 40th wedding anniversary party. She was so happy. Little did I know that would be the last time she would hug me, the last time she would kiss me, the last time I would hear her voice, the last time she would hold her grandchildren - so much to be sad about, so much to miss, so much pain to deal with now that my mom has died. Some comments I've read today have been helpful, so I thank you all for that. It is good to keep busy but it is also important to give yourself time to reflect on your loss - I haven't allowed myself to do this on a real deep level yet - it causes me to feel panic. I just take is slow and steady, one small step at a time, writing a few of my thoughts here today is helpful for me. Thank you for listening.
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replied August 16th, 2009
Losing the most important person in my life.
I lost my mother just 3 days ago and until now it hasn't really hit me yet. I start breaking down every now and then but I know I won't really feel all the pain yet until I see her later this week as she's in another country. I moved away 2 and a half months ago to pursue better opportunities so i could one day provide for her and my dad, so i could be the one to care for them as i am the youngest of 8 and closest to my mom. I am the only one of all my siblings that does not have a family of my own. I've rarely missed a day of calling her since i got here and now i find it very hard not being able to hear her voice whenever i call the house. I last talked to her about 9 hrs before she passed away and i regret not telling her that i loved her as we weren't the type of family that really said that to eachother. I just hope she knows that i love her very much and that she meant everything to me.

The comments i've read are really helping, at least now i know that i'm not the only one that feels this way. So thank you all.
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replied August 25th, 2009
my mum died on 16th july and every day my grief gets worse because every day I remember that she not here. I dont get comfort from the thought that she will be in my soul forever cause I want her here with me. I dont get comfort from people saying it will get easier, in fact I find it an offensive thing to be told. How do they know how I feel, I dont know how I feel! I cant even say that I find it comforting to know that she in heaven or wherever they go cos all I know is she not here and never will be. Yes I lonely and mad that she gone cos she shouldnt have and now aged 36 i got no mum and no dad, he died 20 years ago. Yes i got children and a husband but do you know what I WANT MY MUM, end of!
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replied September 21st, 2009
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All of us shall leave one day and we shall never come back again. If only we could make a return..............
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replied November 10th, 2009
A Mother's Love Lives on Forever
I lost my mother in November of 2006 and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it. My mother was my everything and I loved her will all my heart. She was always there for me, cheering me on, encouraging me, loving me (even when I made it hard), and doing so much for so many people that she neglected herself. My mother was 62 and I was 28 at the time it happened. I couldn't save her and I felt guilty that I didn't know how sick she was (cancer). My father passed when I was a teenager and in 2006 I felt like I had nothing. Losing one parent was enough, but to have them both gone left me feeling vulnerable. They were my protectors and the rest of the family turned on me because of greed(thinking they were owed something when they weren't and it was proven). My advice to you is to not live with the guilt or regrets, but to cherish each day and dwell in the thoughts of the love that your mother was and still is. My mother's memories, lessons, and love still live on and for that, I am thankful.
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replied November 11th, 2009
MOTHER DIED OF RENAL/HEART FAILURE
My mother death
my mother died on april 6, 2009. she died of renal/ heart failure. she was in the hospital for 8 mothes before she passed. i am the youngest of eight children. i admit is very different without her becuase we spent alot of time together, even though i moved away but only was about two hours away. i miss her smile , hugs , spending time together and long talks. being the youngest, it is hard right now becuause your siblings cannot feel the void of my mother. my relationship my siblings are strained right now.the holidays will not be the same. my mother will not be apart of my wedding, i will try not to cry, but i know i will. i understand everyone feels in the forum. everything feels so surreal/numb feeling i still cannot still believe it........... it ................
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