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Losing weight after breakup

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Hi,

I've recently experienced a really painful breakup. My boyfriend of 8 months simply told me that he no longer loved me. After much begging and sobbing I hung up the phone and broke into hysterics. I had to do a double shift at work, and the moment I could get away from customers i started to cry again. My night shift was no better. The next night I had to work again and all that changed was that I got better at pretending even though a customer caught me sobbing out the back.

I was really in love with him. He was my first love and even my first time. and now i don't know what to do. for the first two days of the breakup i did nothing but cry and mope around lifelessly. it is now 4 days later and i'm worried. I'm making myself really sick. and now my mind has blocked it out in what i assume was self preservation.

I am currently suffering the following symptoms:
-restless sleep
-no appetite
-acid stomach
-hot flushes
-head aches
-extreme moodswings and depression
-chest pains
-palpataions
-nausea
-detachment from reality
-numbness (emotionally)
-pins and needles
and i've lost well over a kilo in under 3 days.

i don't know what to do, i'm trying to force things upon myself so i can deal with it and move on but with the newest development in my syptoms i can't even do that (the mental blocking). i've been trying to find a reason for him falling out of love with me when i so obviously still love him. apparently that had been going on for over a month. yet he still went through most of the actions of a loving partner. the most annoying thing is that a part of me realised this but i was so deep in denial that i just hoped he'd snap out of it. i feel so stupid and i feel cheap and dirty.

i think i'm going to make myself really sick. i can barely bring myself to eat and when i do my entire days worth of 'meals' winds up being less than an average meal. what can i do? i'm really scared that these aren't going to go away. i'm already underweight so the weightloss terrifies me. please help.
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replied May 12th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
this is normal..its really hard suffering a break up...its really cliche but only time will heal a broken heart..dwelling on him and staying cooped up and alone is not going to help...when a guy I was really into broke up with me I got really really dedicated to the gym..working out helped my stress, kept me occupied and really helped my self esteem..soon enough I was over him and found myself a new guy, who I'm much happier with now...things happen for a reason..and it may seem like the world is ending now, but take advantage of your freedom..youre single now, surround yourself with girlfriends, go out have fun...just remember, his loss is going to be someone elses gain..keep your head up
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Users who thank worrywart01 for this post: Fairy Godmother 

replied May 12th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
what you are going through is perfectly normal, as worrywart said. I'm so sorry you had to have this experience. You are in the grieving process right now. There is probably a good chance your boyfriend found someone else, and that's what has changed for him. Now you need to stop worrying about him and put all your efforts into yourself. You will soon move into the next stage, which is anger. Make it work for you. As I told another poster, get all dolled up, buy some new clothes, and start going out with friends. If the guy should come around, let him know you will go on with your life without him. It might turn itself around once he knows you can manage quite well on your own. Of course, your relationship was really short, 8 months is not a long time. So you have to put yourself first. Don't feel cheap and dirty for giving your love to a man. He doesn't deserve you! Believe me, there will be someone out there who will treat you better, if you expect it of them! Breakups are not always the end of things, but you have to plan as if they are, go forward with confidence, (which is not always easy) and tell yourself it's nothing you did wrong, it's HIS problem. I think you deserve better than this guy! Don't let him make you sick, he's not worth it. Grieve for a while, then go on. My favorite saying is "living well is the best revenge." Do that for yourself!
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Users who thank rightside for this post: Fairy Godmother 

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replied May 13th, 2009
thank you so much worrywart01 and raven53. i really appreciate your prompt responses. i know that 8 months isn't a long time but it was a pretty serious relationship. i really hope that he hasn't gone and fell for someone else. because i see him everyday and that would just break my heart even more.

I really am looking forward to the anger but right now i just can't feel mad at him, he was good to me. You know those perfect relationships you see in movies? it was like one of them.

do you have any tips for dealing with my symptoms? and any idea for how to stop my mind from blocking it out? i don't really know, but i think that is even less healthy. i'm not sure why that's happening but i do have a history of mental illness so that may or may not have something to do with it.
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replied May 13th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
The anger will come in time. Blocking it all out is your way of coping and the mind's way of protecting you. No stress is healthy, but unfortunately you will have to go through the stages of grief until you are ready to start living again. Regardless of how perfect the relationship was, it's over for now and you have to put yourself first. This is hard for you to understand, but it is the truth...you cannot look to someone else for your happiness. You can see the results. A good relationship enhances happiness, but if you put all the pressure on the other person to make your life better, then it's that much harder for you to recover. All I can tell you again is that no man is worth losing your health over, if he no longer cares about you. Maybe it is worse if you see him every day. How can you get over him? Or does he even want you to? It would be selfish of him to want you to pine away for him the rest of your life. Be selfish yourself and slowly make a new life. You say he was good to you...well, telling you he no longer loves you is not being good to you. Moving on is not going to be easy, but what are the alternatives? Go with healing, and God bless.
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Users who thank rightside for this post: Fairy Godmother 

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replied May 15th, 2009
Supporter
Ok.....here it is not sugar coating....
Cheshire92, Babygirl...AIN'T no man worth making yourself sick and miserable over.NO MAN.... I TOTALLY agree with everything raven53 and worrywort01 have stated above....They gave EXCELLENT advice. I've had my heart torn out so many time I lost count. But, I did learn FINAALLY...there is ALWAYS something better. You are too good to allow yourself to loose control...especially when it comes to your health. Keep that chin up girlfriend, you have a lot of friends here who will SUPPORT you with PRIDE! I know one thing for sure, he didn't just 'fall out of love with you overnight". If you'll face reality you'll see this.....you'll also see in time, Hey, I sure wasted my time crying and making myself sick. There is someone out there who will apreciate you.....Belive me...Always here for you if you ever need me.....BIG HUGS! F*GM
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replied June 17th, 2010
Seeing him everyday is the hardest part I am sure. I had a short relationship with a guy I used to work with (4 months) and then had to see him everyday. 8 months is plenty long enough to have strong feelings for someone and to make that go away in a few days is not going to happen. If you had mental issues in the past then you need to talk to someone to help you with feelings that may take a long time to get over especially if this was your first serious relationship. Talk to friends and family around you. If you don't feel comfortable or if it isn't enough, please see a professional. It can only help. As far as the eating situation, I too was very thin and just couldn't seem to eat. So, have a milk shake, try going out with a friend to eat at your favorite restaurant. Shopping always helped me during tough times or going out with a friend to get a manicure. Whatever you like to do - do it!

Like the others stated - now is a time to take care of yourself!
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replied August 3rd, 2010
weight loss depression break up
Hi,
I know it has been a long time since the original post and I hope you are doing better. A few days ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and I am feeling very depressed and experiencing some of the symptoms you mentioned.
Like you I work with him and like you I can't bring myself to hate him because he is a truly a nice person in spite of the break up.
How did it all work out for you?
Thanks
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replied April 25th, 2012
HEAL!
I recently went through a tough break up and the way I dealt with it was I started to pin point all the flaws I found in my ex to help me get over him. I know its bad of me to be critical to him in that sense but it really helped me realize he was not the person I wanted to be with. I also started surrounding myself a lot with my girlfriends and talked less about the guy to them. I started jogging, doing ab work outs, and 'getting hot' to find a cuter and smarter boyfriend in the future. It's not always easy because I sometimes have to run into my ex around campus but when I do run into him I'm sure he can see I am living well and I am independent again. I would reccomend to go back to yourself and do the things you like to do, set goals for yourself, and stay distracted from the idea of a broken heart. Trust me, all this would be a blip in your entire lifetime, move on for yourself, and if there is hope in the future maybe you both can find love again(although it doesn't always happen) Just remember that you are quite young, you have places to go, new faces to meet, and you have to prepare yourself for your prince charming, while he is out there preparing for you. Good luck and Stay Strong!
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replied April 25th, 2012
HEAL!
I recently went through a tough break up and the way I dealt with it was I started to pin point all the flaws I found in my ex to help me get over him. I know its bad of me to be critical to him in that sense but it really helped me realize he was not the person I wanted to be with. I also started surrounding myself a lot with my girlfriends and talked less about the guy to them. I started jogging, doing ab work outs, and 'getting hot' to find a cuter and smarter boyfriend in the future. It's not always easy because I sometimes have to run into my ex around campus but when I do run into him I'm sure he can see I am living well and I am independent again. I would recommend to go back to yourself and do the things you like to do, set goals for yourself, and stay distracted from the idea of a broken heart. Trust me, all this would be a blip in your entire lifetime, move on for yourself, and if there is hope in the future maybe you both can find love again(although it doesn't always happen) Just remember that you are quite young, you have places to go, new faces to meet, and you have to prepare yourself for your prince charming, while he is out there preparing for you. Good luck and Stay Strong!
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replied September 14th, 2012
Heartbroken....
I recently went through a break up; last week I broke with my guy of 7 years . I just broke up last week; and I work with him, see him everyday. He was also my best friend A big part of me hates him for what he did to me; but at the same time another part of me can't bring myself to hate him. I am feeling sick to my stomach all the time. I have not eaten one single meal since last week. But I know, I will move on . and hopefully can find someone who truly loves me. I know he's not a bad man, but he broke my heart into a thousand peices. It feels like I have wasted 7 years of my life for someone who would just tell me one day that things are not working out between us; especially when things were perfectly fine from my side. I was totally blind sided..I felt like an idiot.. Now he's feeling bad & guilty for what he did to me ; and asking me to start eating & look after myself. He's telling me that he hates himself for what he did to me; and wants me to be happy. He's saying I have every right to be mad at him. He doesn't want to see me suffer. I know we have gone on our separate ways now; but I just don't know if I should hate him for this , or just see move on..... I think I have lost my best friend for ever; but he doesn't want us to stop being friends. I am the only best friend he has , or had.... I am just so confused...
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