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Hi everyone
I would really appreciate if a couple people could give me their opinion on my situation. Right now I am feeling very confused and lost. I am 20 years old and I have been a relationship for 1 ½ years. This has definitely been my longest relationship and the first time I have been in love. When we have our good times they good, but when we have bad times they are really low. Our arguments are so stupid and repetitive and it seems like we cannot come to terms to understand each other and they just escalate. Last night we got in a huge fight over pretty much nothing (because everything always plummets) and I almost thought that it was over and he was really upset and so was I and I slapped him. (really horrible I know) I have no excuse for it. It was obviously the wrong thing to do.
I feel like I can never get my point across and that he doesn’t understand where I am coming from.
He says he loves me in the good and the bad. And he has never called me a harsh name. He has never laid a hand on me and would not hurt me. The worst he once said (which was last night), was f*** off and don’t come back. I truly believe he would not cheat on me. But some things that he gets ashamed of he will hide and then I find out and of course it’s a gong show. Like when I first met him he quit smoking. Then that summer he was having rough times and he got “stressed” out and had a pack of cigarettes that I discovered and I was blown away that he had kept it from me and done it behind my back. I really hate when people lie. I rather hear the truth and be hurt by it, rather than finding out someone did something behind my back.
Anyways apparently I get very defensive when we argue and my own coping mechanism is to just walk away from the situation and cool down. He doesn’t respect this and thinks that things should be talked about right away. I just don’t know if these hard times are worth it? Obviously couples are going to go through bad and good times. But I sometimes wonder if our bad times are normal. I end up asking myself, is this really love? It seems like we try so hard but the bad times really suck and it makes me wonder if later in the future we will be hanging onto each other by a piece of thread. For a little while now, I think of the future of us. Before in relationships I would just be in the now. Living only that moment and taking it day by day. But in this relationship I actually think long term. We always work things out and we always apologize to one another but when is too much, enough?
Now recently my best friend had a falling out with his roommate and all of a sudden she is despising my boyfriend (she did when we first met and starting dating and then grew into liking him). It really sucks when my best friend hates my boyfriend and I can’t even talk to her about our ups and downs because her only advice is to get rid of him.
My boyfriend is a good person. I think he sometimes has a stubborn temper but we all have our imperfections. I feel so confused because when we get in huge arguments I wonder if we are actually meant for each other or if we are just trying so hard and digging ourselves in a hole.
Thank you to anyone who has listened to me. I really appreciate it.
Lindsay
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replied March 18th, 2008
have you talked to him about your walking away being a coping mechanism outside of when you are fighting? if not, do, just calmly explain that it's something you have to do to keep your cool Smile
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