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Long-lasting Depression

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My most recent ex-girlfriend and I have had serious issues, and I've been depressed pretty much since we met two years ago. Our relationship was always rocky, it started off as us just working together, and alternated between her hating and really liking me. I say hate, because she would refuse to be in the same room as me, and really like, because we ended up dating. The severity of my feelings have always alternated with it, but I'm really having trouble getting over her.

I'm seriously in love with her, but it's affecting my quality of life immensely. For the last six months, since we broke up, it's gotten worse than ever. It was originally just feeling detachment, essentially nothing, but since we broke up, it became full-fledged suicidal thoughts and disinterest in pretty much every activity I can think of. I used to enjoy spending time with my friends, working out, working, a whole lot of things, and now I've found myself making excuses to avoid everything.

Furthermore, it's destroying my friendships. I know it's tough to support a depressed person, as I've had my share of depressed friends (incidentally, I'm honestly the entire reason that my ex-girlfriend made it through the past year), but my friends have all essentially started ignoring me. I've given up on talking to them, as I realize I just say the same things over and over.

I'm afraid I can't talk to a therapist, and I can't go on medication for this. If I do, it'll end up on a military record, and that might eliminate my prospects of being eligible for Special Forces training. At the same time, I'm not sure that I can keep living like this, constantly sluggish and disinterested. It's not healthy for me, and I'm trying to find a solution.

I have removed a lot of her presence in my life (unwillingly, in some cases). She and I no longer talk or see each other, as per her request. I've hidden most of her possessions that she never took from my house out of my sight, and obviously, the possessions of mine that she now owns I do not see. Despite this, almost everything reminds me of her (I can't see Leonardo diCaprio or Orlando Bloom in a movie without thinking of her, or even look in a mirror without seeing her behind her). I would like to get on with my life, but after two years, I don't know what to do. I realize that the last six months is a short time, but it's felt like an eternity every day.
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First Helper User Profile CarolineEF
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replied August 5th, 2011
Depression can be stressful and troublesome. When I am on the stage of depression my stress reliever is my lavender essential oil. It helps me relax and calm..
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