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Loneliness, depression and anxiety

Hi,

I'm really struggling at work at the moment because of this crippling loneliness I've feeling. It makes it impossible to concentrate or be cheerful for the sake of others.

I've always had feelings that I'm not good enough, not as good as others, not likeable, social anxiety as well as a couple of phobias that also lead to social restriction, so I'm aware that my perception may be warped because of this. But when I started my current job 18months ago I thought I would make like-minded friends and be really happy in the environment. But I'm so down about it for the last few months that I can't bear to turn up. Everyone in the office talks between themselves and no matter how hard I try to be involved with them, I feel so invisible and forgotten. It makes me feel like never going there again. If I brought this on myself then I don't know how, or how I can change it now. I feel like I'm a nice person and share many interests with my colleagues. But I can honestly say that there aren't many people that I could call friends. There are maybe one or two colleagues I could talk to if I really had to. There is one I have spoken to before and I thought we got on really wellm but she is actually one of the people causing me the most trouble right now. I feel like she deliberately goes out of her way to make me feel ignored.

This seems to be really affecting my work because I spend so much time worrying about it. I feel like there must be something wrong with me and I hate myself for being so "odd". I just want to run away and disappear. If I had someone to talk to who I felt genuinely liked me for who I am I think that would help. But I have no one, and I can't talk to my family because i dont want to worry them.

Thanks for listening,

TudorGirl
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replied February 27th, 2012
Experienced User
Hi Tudor,

There is much more to this than what you have described. You infer feelings of no self esteem, low self opinion and paranoia. Certainly symptoms of anxiety and perhaps depression too.

We all tend to think others are talking about us and watching us and sometimes it is true. But not all the time.

I suggest seeing your doc and getting a referall to a talk therapist where you can just describe how you feel and then together you can try and track the causes or genesis of such feelings. Don't neglect looking at your early childhood, up to 5 years old. No doubt you don't remember that, most don't so it is best to have a close relative, or family friend tell you how you were raised and what you were taught.

Asking parents is usually not productive as they will all say "I did what I thought was right and always in your interests" Or similar.
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