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Loneliness affecting self esteem and eating me alive..

I''m a 39 year old man. I consider myself, and friends/family would agree, warm, funny, sensitive, active, and good conversationalist. I''ve been without a relationship for over 3 years and lack of deep connection is really eating me alive. I''m on dating sites but without much success. I do have dates just every so often but very limited and I find myself craving emotional connection and feeling of someone bringing out the best in me and making me notice my uniquenss and strengths. I want to come home and talk about my day with someone special, talk about my feelings, shallow or deep, and mostly feel like that someone understands and gets me and still sticks by me because they love me. When I have this feeling, I feel like I''m being myself at work and in other aspects of my life and I feel secure and able to share the good feelings with people around me. Right now, instead i feel like my mind/heart is all clogged up and I avoid contact with people or simply try to force myself to do the minimum of what''s required.. I have a low opinion of myself and I feel embarassed to be who I am. I''m really lonely and it''s eating me alive. I know feeling this way does not really help me much in terms of impressing someone special when I meet her but secretly, I''m hoping that she''d say "you don''t need to hide, I see who you are and all your goodness. It''s ok for you to show me who you are and how you feel, I''m with you. Show your true colors and true self.." It empowers me so much and my insecurities go away and I can believe in myself. I feel that in general women are looking to be "taken care of" and not so much genuinely interested in seeing who I am (good, bad, strong, vulnerable etc.) or it''s extremely rare to run into one and most of the time nowadays I''m left feeling hopeless that I''ll meet that someone.

I''m really working hard to be that someone to be there for myself but it''s extremely hard..

What can I do? Thank you for reading.
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replied April 29th, 2010
Hey uid73278,

I understand where you're coming from -- I've been through bouts of extreme loneliness before.

Before I go on, I'd just like to say that you're someone who knows what kind of person you are. Not many people even know who they are in life. You know that you have so much to offer, but you just don't know how to share a part of yourself with others.

Try building some self-confidence... And when you meet someone new, don't let the focus always be on you. Get to really know the other person... And the other person will in turn, try to get to know you for who you really are.

Just let people see you for who you really are, okay? We can't control what others think of us, all we can really do is to enjoy being ourselves, and hope others enjoy being around us too.

It's an awesome feeling to have a companion to share our dreams and aspirations with. However, when you yourself already lack self-confidence and are feeling so negative, that is not going to do you any good in connecting with others.
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replied May 23rd, 2011
hello StarYum,
you wrote to him "Try building some self-confidence" but there would be the question how do this without someone who can help with this (as example girlfriend). Self-confidence is usually your own thought how other people see yourself.
But how to make this without positive reflection?
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