Should I stay or should I go?
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My hubby is addicted to alnalgesic calmatives (codeine). He was hit by a car three years ago and has been on them for "migraines" which I don't believe he still has ever since. He mainly speaks with his mother which in this case isn't the best thing for him as she does exactly the same thing and even supplies him with her prescription drugs. They both know better as they were both registered nurses but do it anyway.

We have seen doctors, I have confronted him, I have created a non confrontational environment to try to encourage him to speak to me about it of his own accord. I have kept all the packaging from the drugs and shown him what it is he is taking. I have offered to find help for him. I have changed his diet and encouraged him to drink more water and exercise in the hope a healthier life style will lessen the frequency & intensity of his "migraines". I have spoken to him about cutting down his consumption slowly. We have tried to see a counsellor but he just won't come to the party. I have tried to encourage aternative forms of pain & stress relief. I have called addiction hotlines and gone to groups for families of addicts. I have called the chemists he goes to to find out more information and see if there is anything that can be done from their end to limit the amount he buys. I don't know what else to do.

We have a 3month old daughter and he leaves these things laying around.
I have told him how I feel and the reasons I want him to get help. I have tried to get him to go out and do stuff with his friends and meet people and tried to encourage him to find a hobby or something to keep his mind off the feeling that he "needs" these pills.

1-I don't want our baby getting a hold of the tablets.
2-I don't want her to grow up thinking that pills fix everything and that it is normal to abuse substances.
3-I don't want her to think that lying to the people you love or that lying full stop is the right thing to do.

That brings me to another problem...a problem within a problem.

He tries to hide it and lies blatantly to my face despite the evidence is sitting right there and staring him in the face. I don't hink I can be in a relationship with no trust. I have reached the point where I can see no other solution but to remove myself and our daughter from the situation and leave.

I am at a loss for what to do next other than leave so if anyone has any better advice or any suggestions please share. I am happy to hear any thoughts on the matter no matter how small. They could be very helpful to me and my family.

Cheers

Becky
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replied September 5th, 2008
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Have you been to Al-Anon? It might help you make your decision.

It sounds like he is an addict. Are there addiction treatment centers close to your city or town? Often an intervention which is arranged before hand with a treatment center can help an addict seek treatment.
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replied September 5th, 2008
Hi
I am a recovering alcoholic and I can tell you from experience that you have to threaten to leave him if he does not get help. You are enabling him. I did not care about anyone or anything except drinking. I had to hit rock bottom to see that I was destroying myself. I would use people just so I could continue my habit. I would lie alot. My wife would ask how many beers did you have and I would always say a couple, when it was actually more like 10 or more.

Its a sober truth, but your husband will not change untl he knows that his support system is gone.
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replied September 5th, 2008
Thanks
Thanks guys,

All though I feel as though I have exhausted all options, except walking out on him, I will try one more time to get him to a group. I fell after that I won't have any other choice but to leave with our daughter and just keep trying to help him from the outer.

Cheers again
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replied September 9th, 2008
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Well done. I'm glad to hear it, DragonFly. If you need support, just stop on by. I'm proud of you!
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replied October 24th, 2008
my husband is in a recovery program through work, You should check into what his work will do for him, another option is through councilers funded by the goverment some times they can find someone who will sponser him, but i have learned that the only thing you can do is get yourself some help and the best place to do that is at al-non. hopefully this info is helpfull, i know how hard things are to deal with I have a 5, 6, and 6month old children.
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replied October 27th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
I agree. I think that we all need help, especially if we're in close relationship with an addict or alcoholic. It takes firm boundaries and loving detachment to break the family cycle of the illness.
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replied November 13th, 2008
I have been sober for over five years now. Help was available to me for eight years before I quit. I could have received treatment, gone to counselors, attended meetings, I even had in-patient treatment available. The problem was...I didn't want it. While I was using....The drug solved everything.

See, you're finding help.....the problem is, he apparently doesn't want it.

I agree with bryanna about al-anon. You need help for yourself and your daughter.
You can't change him.....but through Al-anon, you can get advice and talk with others who are dealing with the same situation. They are there for "you".

Best of luck to you and your family.
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replied October 10th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Its better to consult rehabilitation specialist.
Leaving him is not a good option.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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