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Life is not for everyone

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- I am so weak and vulnerable right now. It's 4 am and the thoughts are racing through my mind.

Why am I still alive? I feel like I can't do this anymore. I am a 20 year old girl/woman and I !**@! loathe myself. I absolutely hate the way I look, I hate the way I speak, I hate the way I interact with people, I hate the fact that I'm not who I want to be. I have been wasting my days since the past few years. Just laying in bed and watching TV. The only thing I have is my brain. I don't do anything for school, but somehow I manage to do pretty good.

Since I was little I have always been insecure and socially inadequate. I had one best friend and I basically was't interested in other friendships. But this friend left me alone and now the only friend I had is gone. I am lonely and I have no idea what to do. I mean I'm in my twenties; most people my age already have a strong group of friends and are not interested in a new best friend. This loneliness is killing me, and I just get physically ill because of it. I also just feel so bored out of my mind. Every day I imagine what it would be like if I had friends I could hang out with, and talk to.

Sometimes I hate myself so much I just don't take care of myself. I don't shower; brush my teeth or hair for days. I wake up at noon and watch TV the rest of the day. My mom and siblings think I'm crazy and they don't really care or understand.

The only things that are stopping me from killing myself are my religious beliefs and my mom.

I just wanted to share this with someone, anyone.
Never in a million years would I have imagined my early twenties to be like this. Just wasting life.

Waiting on something that will not come.
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replied July 6th, 2013
hey. you aren't alone, though it may seem like you are. My advice that I try to follow whenever I feel like there isn't a point, is I begin to take everything as a joke. I just amuse myself with that. I just pretend I am OK and for awhile it works. Maybe if you do that, it will let you meet people. Just pretend, take a walk. Brush your hair and teeth and get outside. It is hard to interact with people and make friends when you are 20. But my advice to you is do not take life so seriously - take a walk. All in all most people are not considerate of others - so just do you.
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replied July 6th, 2013
Ya.. Life sucks.. You're at an age where you're going to have take responsibility for your own happiness.. You're not the first..

Force yourself to smile.. It sounds stupid but ya.. Get up, clean up, smile and go out.. Smile at everyone.. It takes effort, but by the time you get home I PROMISE you'll feel at least a bit better..

I was the same as u when I hit 30.. During my 20s I never consciously had to try to be happy.. But.. I dunno.. Good luck
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replied January 12th, 2018
me too
hi
hope you're still with us. as you may know, life offers many hardships. it's not easy, it's not fair. I often find myself questioning the purpose of my existence more than I want to. it hurts a lot that feeling of hopelessness. anyway, i hope you're doing better. I hope to hear from you. if you managed to get through it then maybe I could too. reading this article it felt like I was reading about myself so I hope you can give me some hope. I think you're really brave for going through that. stay safe
ibs
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