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Lie to myself

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Ok, this is entirely hard for me since i practically trust no one. I have no real "friends" i can't act like myself when i'm around my so called "friends". i have to act as something else and lie to myself and those around me just to feel a tad better and to not show them the "real" me. Every morning i have lie to myself just to think that the day will be "better" somehow. i really don;t know if i'm depressed or maybe just insane. i have no one to talk to, not even my self. I sometimes hear things, i can;t sleep and when i do it's for perhaps a day because i just can;t force myself to get out of bed. if someone would like to talk to me please respond and i will make sure to get back to you. At least if i can force myself too.
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replied August 27th, 2009
I understand that you are going through a really tough time right now. You are not sure you can be yourself with people and seem to be lacking a social support system. You mentioned hearing things. If you are hearing voices that other people around you don't hear, you may be suffering from a mental illness that needs treatment. Sometimes, people feel depressed and "insane" at the same time- that would not be unusual. You can go to your doctor or if you're not comfortable with that, find a new psychologist or psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis and treatment. There are professionals out there that can help you. You do not need to struggle with this alone.

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replied August 28th, 2009
Oh, i forgot to say, i'm 19 (almost 20 -.-*), and a college student. i have a great front. i will argue, lie (uncontrollably), and fight for my life. I don;t understand why. it just makes me feel even more down. every time i feel up( if i can make a GREAT lie for myself) that day i will drop down back into the hole by the end of the day, which is starting to seem like home. it's disgusting. it's starting to feel as though im incapable of even having fun. the closest i get to fun is...smoking a cigarette and listening to my ipod...which isn't to entertaining just gets my mind off me. i have never tried suicide, though it;s a profound thought in the back of me head. if i wasn't so weak i most likely would have tried by now. thank me for being weak. closest i get is just biting my lip til it bleeds. really all i want to know is do i have the symptoms of someone whose in depression? being a college student i don;t have a lot of money to go see and talk to someone nor do i think i could talk to them anyhow with how paranoid i am.
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