Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Left broken hearted after 7 years and 7 months

Just a week ago today my fiance of just over a year, the man I have been with for 7 years and seven months total just decided he wanted to leave me.

We lived together in a wonderful house, had nice things, did so much fun stuff together and we have two very loving dogs which are like our children.

Last Thursday he seemed a bit out of it when we were out to dinner and we started talking later on about what was making him out of it when we were going home. He said he just wasn't happy anymore and he was done trying. I was completely shocked because I never saw it coming.

He said that he wants to separate and we both need some time away from each other right now and hopefully we can have the dogs as an excuse to see each other and hang out for a bit and maybe eventually rekindle the relationship. I really love him and that would be wonderful if it would actually happen but I am not too sure why this has even happened.

He tells me that he has been getting less happy for quite some time. I had no idea. We have both been very busy me with school and a full time job and him with building his business. I thought we made some time together and we talked every day even if it was just in bed or at dinner.

As I think more and more about it I can't help but wonder if there is some other reason he tossed me out like a piece of trash.

I feel so hurt and it is really hard to talk to him without balling my eyes out.

I told him how I felt, my boyfriend/fiance who I have been with and supported and stood by for 7 years and 7 months just broke it off and kicked me out. Took my house key and has the dogs. I lived a pretty good life in a luxurious house with nice things and had grown accustomed to that lifestyle. We traveled and did fun stuff and now I am kicked out in the cold relying on my sister to take me into her spare bedroom. The help is greatly appreciated but I don't even have enough room to hang all my clothes or to have a place to use as a dresser. My sister has provided as much as she can but I am living in her spare room out of suitcases now.

I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and I just am still in shock that this is even happening to me. Hardly anyone knows yet and I just don't want to face all the questions and constant explanations because everyone around us always said based on how we were together that we were perfect for each other.

I just don't know what to do and am so confused and heart broken it hurts so bad.

I wonder if he even wants to give it a second chance after we separate for a bit or if he is saying that so it lightens the blow or so that I don't blow up at him, which I am not the kind of person to do that. We have talked very logically and sensibly about the whole situation and have been very civil but I can't help but to wonder. I am going to talk to him for clarity next time I go back to the house to get visitation with my doggies.

I hate this... it hurts way too bad.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper 1luv
|

replied March 31st, 2011
Unfortunately to me it sounds as if you are at some kind of denial stage - to have let him not only take away your control of the situation and call all of the shots but also to have taken away the roof from over your head and knowing he has left you with nothing sounds like he is acting very selfishly. Do you think you've actually taken it in? Do you feel like you're in one long dream?. You seem to be taking it in your stride. I guess this is partly because you feel all of your control in the situation has gone and you just want him to come back? I'm sorry if it seems brutal but there are many stages in a break up of this kind and it's very similar to grieveing the loss of someone very close. The fact that it's been a sudden loss won't make it any easier either. All you can do is act on what he is actually saying and doing. Give him space but make it clear that you are not prepared to stay in this situation forever, eventually you will have to discuss the posibility of engaging with a solicitor to arrange what you're entitled to in the break up (because you will be entitled to something)This is ofcourse if he is unwilling to be reasonable and amicable. You have spent 7 years in this joint relationship and he is mean to think that he can just take everything away from you and leave you with absoloutely nothing. By all means, if you both think you can work through this and rekindle whatever he feels it is that's lost then go for it - but you need to start setting yourself your own personal boundaries of what is logically acceptable - this will be very hard as your emotions are involved, however, you need to be strong and take away some of his control.....

Good luck!
These experiences supposedly make you stronger - I too am going through a very hard sudden break up and I know how tough it is, you are not alone xx
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank 1luv for this post: amg 

replied April 1st, 2011
Thanks for the response. I don't think your words were harsh because they are true. I know I am moving through stages at this point and have talked to my very supportive family a bunch. I have spoken with him a few times but it is nothing really outlining a plan.

I have made a few decisions for myself though. I have been working to get into my own house and out of my sisters spare bedroom and I am planning on returning to the house to pack and move my things to storage so that I can work toward moving my feelings out of "limbo land". I think by doing that I can create more of a real feeling rather than still being in somewhat of a dream.

I know it is real and that we most likely will never get back together and now that it has been 4 weeks I am not too sure I would want to even if things were great because I feel that I might always have it in the back of my mind that he may leave me again and I could not handle that again.

He is making it a little easier by helping me get into a place of my own and letting me keep my stuff (very very minimal) there until I can get into a place. It is too difficult for me to have to go there everytime I need something so I am going to try to get a storage unit.

When I do move out of my sisters though I will have pretty much nothing. Nothing for the kitchen, bathrooms, or mostly anywhere else for that matter. I was out on my own before I met him but over the years we upgraded my stuff to new stuff so I just hope that he will either let me take stuff or just give me money to buy new stuff. If not it won't be the end of the world but it would be a huge slap in the face.

I am feeling better now that 4 weeks have gone by but I still can't help but to think there is some larger reason that he just isn't telling me. In any case, I just am getting myself on my own track and doing my own thing and prepping for my new life on my own.

It is very very hard to have to go through this but it happened and I have to and at least I have a fantastic family and a couple really good friends and an awesome boss who really consoled me when she found out the reason I wasn't quite myself.

In any case, I know I have the support and I have to move forward with my life and whatever happens between us happens but I am not going to remain in limbo while he figures his hangups out.

I don't deserve it.

Thanks for listening.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 10th, 2011
I am going through it too!!!
I too was in a 7 year, 7 month relationship. I spent a total of 9 years continuously being around this person. One day he didn't want to work out issues in our relationship.
Not even a day after our break-up he was hanging out with friends and flirting with this woman, trying to eventually have sex with her. He shaved his head, his beard and threw out ALL his clothes and bought an entirely new wardrobe.
We tried to be friends but when I found out about the women, I flipped out and he cut me off like a rotting arm. He wants nothing to do with me, like he said our relationship is over! its dead! its no more!
This is a horrid feeling, I can say it is the worst feeling imaginable, to have someone in your life for 9 years that you are loyal to and passionately in love with; then they just toss you out like your relationship never happened.
Even after all the sh*t, depression and excruciating heartache I still love him deeply. But I am forcing myself to tell myself the same thing he has told me, the relationship is dead.
He too also drop me off at my moms house, I had to sell most of my stuff and I am hoping I can make it on my own.
I am trying to see this as an opportunity to grow, be independent, love myself, try new things and be selfish for a change. You should too! If I could Hug you I would because I know you need one. =)
Who knows what lies ahead for us but I know it can only be something good. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and it is hard to see the big picture when your trudging through the sh*t!
I am glad you posted this because it helps me to see other women going through this and holding onto the strength to persevere.
"Failure is your best teacher." -Clarisa P. Estes
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 20th, 2012
Left Broken Hearted After 7 Years & 7 Months
I too just ended a 7 year & 9 month on & off relationship with the love of my life. I have stuck it out through some extreme circumstances...because although he walked out on me a month before we were to marry 1.5 years ago, I was in it for better or for worse. Some of the worst included things most could not fathom...things you see in movies or on tv and NEVER think you would experience such things in real life. I went through hell for this man time and time again. He is always the one to walk away but he always comes back to tell me he knows I am "the one" and we will always come back to each other because it's the only true love either of us will ever have.
Although my love for him is unconditional and I would never let him go without, I've finally come to grips with the fact that it's ok to put an end to the emotional dysfunctional hell my life is at times with him...it doesn't mean I stopped loving him or turned my back on him, as he has me. It simply means it's time to love and respect myself for a change. I am far from being perfect...but I am more than he deserves at this point. There are no winners. I never want to experience this again. I have never been so devastated in all my life. I wish him much peace, love, and hapiness. I hope he finds whatever he wasn't able to find in me over all these years. He will always be my only true love.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 4th, 2012
Lost
My partner of 7 years has a like some of you just decided he no longer wanted to be with me. No warning no clue whatsoever. I'm struggling to come to terms with the sudden loss and grieving for my life that no no longer exists x
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 26th, 2012
Me too, my partner of 7 years left me 6 weeks ago and I am now having to move back in with the parents. Horrible time but i keep reminding myself that it's his loss and yes the partner side of my life hasnt worked out brilliant but i have an amazing group of friends and family and that helps a lot. Hope everyone is ok. Sending out hugs xxx
|
Did you find this post helpful?