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lately we've been talking about breaking up.

Well it hasn't been all that long with my boyfriend. It's our 7 months in four days time. But lately we've been talking about breaking up. Here's a general idea of the situation and what things have been like.

From last year when we dated, triple ten, till say around about February this year.. I've been controlled pretty bad. He's a guy who's extremely controlling, easily jealous and possessive. I gave up my friends, any social things from outings down to online msn/facebook/anything, I closed it all, just basically everything. We go to the same school. So everyday I was with him and at night I only talk to him online. I was fine with it, because I just wanted him to be happy. And to try make him even happier, although I was controlled. I didn't control him in anyway. (Although I actually am a potentially very controlling person too) So every night he still talked to others, had Facebook, just basically free.

I mean that sounds all alright yeah? But here's what was wrong. I guess you could say he took me for granted during that time. Like I said, I did it all just for him to be happy. But.. he wasn't happy. He doubted me here and there, got up me heaps, just basically he was pretty much just extremely verbally abusive.. when to be honest I don't believe he had anything to be upset at. So as time went past, I became more and more unhappy, since he couldn't be happy when I offered so much to him. Especially when friends was actually something very important to me, and I even decided to give it up. Then gradually, I started getting pissed heaps over how hypocritical he is. E.g., I can't talk to a friend on msn, let alone talk all Very Happy with anyone who I do talk to when I need to for work or something, whilst he can talk to people any time any where like 'LOLOLOL Very Happy!!!!'. Get me? So many other things, but that's the gist of it.

So I got more and more pissed. But thing is, although he was so hypocritical in things, if i exclude the fact of how he got up me so much. He's a guy who would give up anything for the girlfriend, without second thoughts. So he ended up with things exactly the same as me. No msn, no facebook, no whatever. It's still the same till today. He's been different, since he knows what upsets me. He cares more about my happiness now over his. Much more. So lately though we've been talking alot about breaking up. Reasons for me to break up is just simply cause I get upset over things so easily now, because of how he used to be, how he wronged and put so much pressure onto me when I didn't even deserve it. And now that I've fallen for him much more, I naturally just am more vulnerable to getting hurt over different trivial things. So basically I haven't been happy and that's why he wants to break up with me. So that I can be free, with all my friends. Since emotionally it's hard for him to give me complete freedom whilst we're still together. Apart from wanting to break up so I can be happy, he doesn't have any other reason as to why he wants to break. Only that. He just wants me to be happy. It reminds me of how I used to think at the start of us, how I only wanted him to be happy. But I guess his change slash me being unable to cope with things anymore was just a little too late, because now I care about myself more. I want myself to be happy. So that's the reason why I also want to break up, for my freedom.

It's my decision whether or not we're to break up. But I'm so indecisive about it. So many 'what ifs' etc come to mind and I just can't make a decision. Should I really break up with a guy who literally would give anything I want to me? Should I really break up just because I've been so upset and I don't seem to be able (if not yet) be unbiased whenever I'm upset cause of him.

Nothing anyone says persuades me towards a definite decision, no one would be able to anyway. Since I know the decision is still up to myself, and it's me deciding, not anyone else.. but I'm really stuck. He's been sad everyday since he doesn't know what should be done. He thinks we seriously need to break up, otherwise there's no way for me to be happy, and that's what he wants. But I can't bring myself into doing so, no matter how convinced I am at some point whenever that we needa break.

In a sense I also think that I'm scared of breaking up with him. Because he wasn't my first boyfriend. Right before him, I only just broke up with my nearly two years boyfriend. I broke up simply because I couldn't stand being sad anymore, but is it really right to end something so special just because of that? Back then, I regretted it so bad, and another story comes with it. But doesn't relate to now anymore. I'm scared of the regret. And scared of being alone I guess. I'm an extremely independent person, but once I become dependent on my boyfriend, since I don't depend on anyone else, I become extremely dependent on my guy.

Not sure if everything made sense, I can explain again if needed. Advice pleaaaaase?
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replied May 12th, 2011
Extremely eHealthy
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