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Last Name After Marriage (Page 1)

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Should a woman change her last name after marriage?
If she doesn't, what does this mean to you (and outsider perspective)?
Do you feel this is "falling out of favor" amongst women today?

Do you have any personal stories you'd like to share?
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replied August 20th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
I took my husband's name but kept my own as well, refusing to dump a part of my identity for outdated practices. It's now hyphenated with his surname first and my original surname second.

Your name is part of your identity and how important that is to you varies from one person to the next. I think it's best for couples to discuss it before a marriage union and if the woman wants to keep her name but the potential husband gets offended, she's marrying the wrong guy.
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replied August 20th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
my mom kept her last name and added my dads as well....i guess I'll probably do the same
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replied August 20th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
I kept my last name for business reasons. Plus, we live out of the country and the documents required for update are just too annoying to deal with. But I'm willing to take his name retroactively.

I was surprised at the lack of help provided by the courts, actually. We got married in FL and there was no real direction or guidance for changing your name, even though we have a whole orientation on "Divorce prevention" from our county's judicial system.
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replied August 21st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
In PR where I'm from women don't change their last names when they marry. I married american so I changed my last name to be my middle name (since I didn't had middle name) and took his last name. It was the best in my case since americans can't pronounce my name or last name correctly anyways. So at least they can now pronounce my last name correctly hehe.
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replied August 21st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
We are not getting a legal marriage, but we have both decided to change our last names to his mother's maiden name, which means something to us.
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replied August 21st, 2008
Especially eHealthy
I took my husband's last name. I wouldn't look down on another woman for choosing not to, though.
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replied August 21st, 2008
Experienced User
I c hanged my name to my mother's maiden name because she had remarried after I was born and I grew up with a name that had nothing to do with me. Now that I've changed my name and have used it in my art career it would be hard to let go of it. But, I also would want us all to have the same name because we are family. It's a hard decision.
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replied August 21st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Birch wrote:
We are not getting a legal marriage, but we have both decided to change our last names to his mother's maiden name, which means something to us.


what does it mean? Just curious..
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Supporter
I agree with Darkmoon that your surname is part of your identity. I’m getting married in November and I can’t wait to change my surname to my fiancé’s. I don’t want to have anything to do with my ex-husband and I hate the fact that I still carry his surname. He’s not the type of person that I want to be associated with. My fiancé is going to adopt my daughter and we will then change her surname too as I want her to feel part of our little family.
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Beline wrote:
I agree with Darkmoon that your surname is part of your identity. I’m getting married in November and I can’t wait to change my surname to my fiancé’s. I don’t want to have anything to do with my ex-husband and I hate the fact that I still carry his surname. He’s not the type of person that I want to be associated with. My fiancé is going to adopt my daughter and we will then change her surname too as I want her to feel part of our little family.



You know that is question that I have. I have seeing in the US many women divorce and they don't change their exhusband's name and I wonder why that is. I asked my mother in law who is divorced and she says she doesn't want to change her exhusband name because she was married for too long (over 20 years) and everybody knows her by that name and because that way she can show relationship with his children. I guess it makes some sense there but then my husbands exwife whom he did not had any children with still has his last name and doesn't seem like she wants to change it. It surprises me because I wouldn't want to carry a name of man I divorced.
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
My mother carried my fathers last name for over 15yrs AFTER the divorce because her two kids had the same last name. She got remarried when I (the youngest) was 17 and finally took another name. She also had her maiden name as her middle name, because she doesn't have a middle name.

I did the same thing. I kept my maiden name only as my middle name now. I've always wanted someone else's last name as my own, call me old fashion, but I find it traditional. Same reason I'm a stay-at-home mom.
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Experienced User
I'm hearing a couple things about having the same last name as the kids, so I ask this question.

Let's say a woman did not take her husband's last name, but when they had kids...the kids took his last name. Does that show a lack of unity within the family?
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Experienced User
I would like to keep my surname as well as take the man's, mainly because I see it as a sign of ownership, as though the man has full rights of the woman because she's not even allowed to keep a part of herself she was born with. I also like my surname, even though nobody can pronounce/spell it.
When I get married, I also don't want to be pronounced as 'man and wife'. I do not belong to a man. He is my HUSBAND and I am his WIFE. There, now that's equal.
I might seem a bit pedantic here but I have a very dour view of this tradition. Marriage is for both people involved.
Anyway enough of that lol.
To answer Sydney's question, I don't see why the kids can't take both names. They came from both parents. If the father only wanted them to share his name, then yes I would say it was a lack of unity, unless the woman agrees to it.
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replied August 22nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
nightangel73 wrote:
Birch wrote:
We are not getting a legal marriage, but we have both decided to change our last names to his mother's maiden name, which means something to us.


what does it mean? Just curious..


His mother has passed, it's a homage to her.
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replied April 14th, 2009
i don't understand why carry the name of someone you divorced. the children know you are not married and so does everyone else?
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replied April 21st, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
last name and children
I look at this way: We have one fmaily unit and when we have children I wanted us all to have the same last name. We decided when we talked about kids to name our firstborn son after my husband ( a long running tradition in our families that the firstborn has rights to teh parents' fullnames).I always felt it important that we share the same identity as far as surnames are concerned even if it meant we would "invent" or start fresh with a brand new surname we agreed upon, we'd all have the same last name.

Another POV: most women bear their FATHER'S last name it would take a long while of getting your mother's mother's mother's mother's maiden name until you reached a point where you were no longer carrying around the identity of a man. Best to just make a new last name altogether if thats your beef. Smile
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replied April 21st, 2009
I took my husbands last name simply because I feel no attachment to my own last name. I've cut ties with my parents, so what would be the point of carrying their last name. I really don't see it as a problem to decide not to carry your husbands last name. I've known men who took their wife's last name or combined them. I've known lots of women who kept their last name, especially since my first job out of high school was working on a military post. Since military people go by their last name, it can be a huge problem to change the last name, it would be like changing your first name in the cilivian world, very difficult for people to get used to.
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replied June 2nd, 2009
My husband and I (newlyweds) are considering a surname change. We are leaning towards his maternal grandmother's maiden name. That way, it's a family name but it can be 'ours' to start our little family together. I'd love to hear from others who have done something similar. Thanks!
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replied July 1st, 2009
My situation is very complicated. My grandmother gave my father her boyfriend's last name because she hated my grandfather. So my grandfather's last name is not mine. That bothers me but I have become very attached to my last name it's now my identity and I dont want to give it up. When I get married should I set things right and take my grandfather's last name as my middle and my husband's surname? Or would that be disrespectful to my father by completely disregarding the name he gave me? Im also my father's only child so if I take on another surname his legacy will be lost. What should I do?
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