Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

just someone who cares and i can talk to.have copd

I am married but feel so alone. I have copd stage 4 and found out my husband has not been paying my doctors bills. When I asked him about it he told me that why should he pay my bills. I am not young anymore and have nowhere else to go. We live in the house my mom had before she passed, he has the masterbed room and bath, we share the livingroom and kitchen, I only have 1 small room that use to be my craft room before I got sick and was working..all I have is my disability now to pay my bills and buy my medicine and pay doctors. He has an office, that he never uses, a tanning bed in there, that the doctor I worked for gave me one year for Christmas and won't let me sell it..he has horses, he gets everything he wants..come to find out he owes the IRS and now they are taking that out of my check..Just don't know where to turn. He is a well respected man in this town, but people would flip if they knew how he treated me. I have seen an attorney and they said they could not help me because it was conflict of intrest..so I sleep all day and stay awake all night.
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replied October 29th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello cowgirl,

I am very sorry to hear how unfairly you are being treated especially when you are ill. I am not sure what copd is so perhaps you could explain it to me please?

It sounds as though it is a case where you could ask your government representative to intervene with the IRS on your behalf. This is what we would do here in the UK and is partly what our elected representatives are for.
Even if the IRS has the right to take your husband's debt out of your disability, which they wouldn't have in the UK, then if your elected representative tells your story well they could use discretion and take your circumstances into consideration.

It has been the Law here for more than half a century that husbands and wives cannot be held responsible for each others debts. I thought it was the Law everywhere in the civilised world.
You are in effect being forced to pay your husband's tax debt and there is no reason in theory why you shouldn't sue him for the money; you do, after all, live separately even though you occupy the same house.

In the UK we have a special court that deals with smaller amounts of money that costs very little. Perhaps you have one of those over there?

There is only two reasons an attorney would claim a conflict of interest; if he didn't want the case and used it as an excuse or if he already represented a client you was opposed to.
I am sure you know this already so I don't expect you went to the same lawyer your husband uses and so it was probably an excuse because you don't have lots of cash.

You certainly need some legal advice and this might be available from a charity or volunteer citizens help charity, your bank, your insurance company or perhaps the doctor you worked for is still around and he or his partners might provide some useful advice?
Church groups can be a great source of help.

Married couples often grow apart for various reasons but it is really sad your husband seems to be being deliberately cruel to you at a time where you need help and support.
Do you not have any children, relatives or close friends you can turn to?

I have a friend who visits America often and he told me in spite of healthcare being very expensive for those of working age there is a great deal of free help available for both the young and the old. I really don't know how true that is, perhaps it depends where you live?
You say you are no longer young but perhaps you are still of working age?

Depending on the wording of your mother's will and any prenuptial agreement you might have had with your husband, it seems you should have at least a half share in the house where you live, maybe more and there are equity release schemes that would allow you to raise funds on the property but you husband would have to agree.
Divorcing him and forcing the sale of the property or forcing him to buy you out would be the best way to realise funds for yourself.
Even though you live under the same roof divorce is possible if you no longer carry out any personal services for each other. If the house has a substantial value there would be a tidy sum left over even after the lawyers have been paid.

You certainly shouldn't hold back if you ever get the ear of any folk in town. I suggest you let him keep his own secrets. I suggest you tell only the truth of your situation to anyone who will listen.

Why do you sleep all day and stay awake all night? That surely isn't a good thing for a sick person to do?

I am sorry I can't offer any practical help because you are thousands of miles away from me but if telling me more or just exchanging a few emails about anything at all will help then please do so. You can send me a personal message if you prefer.

Good luck!
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