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Just need some advice..

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I don't really know how to fully explain everything going on in my life. To start off, for the past 3 years or so I've had constant headaches, nearly everyday on and off through out the day. Some so sever it becomes difficult to do everyday activities. I'm only 18, however I became pregnant when I was 16 and am now raising a wonderful little boy, the only thing that gives me joy in life anymore. I am still with the baby's father, been together 3 years, I really care about him but when we get into fights I can't help but become extremely depressed. I don't understand, I know its normal to feel upset and angry when getting into arguments but why so depressed. After we've had an argument I feel so helpless, alone, and like I don't even want to be alive anymore. It sounds ridiculous but for some reason thats how I feel.
I've come close to some suicidal actions before and I've also dealt with some postpartum depression.
For the past 6 months or so I've been working 2 jobs, trying to attend college, raise my son, pay all the bills and keep my house clean and it's been making me pretty stressed out, naturally. Recently, I thought things were getting better, I finally started seeing my life come together. Unfortunately tonight everything went down hill, my boyfriend and I got into an argument and I just feel as though no matter what I do, I'm never able to do anything right, or ever be happy. I've been struggling with anxiety issues for most of my life, but have started to get a lot worse the past couple years. For a while, it got so bad I was afraid to be alone. I constantly had to look behind me because I always feel theres someone there, I couldn't sleep for the same reasons. I could stand to close to the bed or near anything that had open spaces such as under the bed/couch or stairs because I always felt like there was something near me that was going to harm me. When I was in the bathroom I would need to keep the shower curtain open and I would freak out the whole time thinking something was going to come out. It sounds so stupid but I was always so scared. I always have to have at least one light on somewhere so I can see, and always have to have music or something playing so I can't here strange noises. It finally started to let up as my life was getting better but lately it's starting to get worse. I really don't know what to do about my life anymore. There is so much going on in my life it's hard to handle, I really need some advice on how to get my life in order and finally feel happy, and is there anything I can do about my anxiety/depression.
No one really knows how upset I actually am, I try to stay strong for my son and family, I go to work with a smile on my face and I just fake it as much as I can. I don't let anyone know I'm actually crying on the inside. There's nights I cry myself to sleep. I just need advice, and mainly to vent some of my frustrations out.. Thank you..
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First Helper User Profile Confused1230
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replied February 16th, 2011
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Hi Confused1230 and welcome to ehealth: You are so young for so much unhappiness...How old is your boyfriend?..How long have you been together?...You say you are scared...Are you fearful that he will harm you or your son?...What about your family...Do they live in your town?...Do you have any support as far as people to help and talk to?....

I think you should get some help...Maybe with your family or to see a doctor and get his/her thoughts on this...As far as venting, vent here any time that you want...That's what this site is for...Believe me, nothing that you have said sounds ridiculous...It makes sense...I send you my love and best wishes...

Caroline
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