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Just married and husband lusting over other woman

Hi, i'm 22 years old and just married the love of my life on September 12th of this year. We have a four month old son together and have been together close to 3 years. Well my husband is a very nice and friendly guy. We were out of town a few days back and around some of his siblings friends. There was a another female that came into the room and he flirted with her and touched her legs. I confronted him about it after the situation and asked him why he was flirting and acting in such a way around this girl. He says he didn't realize he was doing anything wrong. Well not even 5 days later I find pictures of this girl saved on our computer. I confronted him once again. He continued to tell me he found this girl very attractive. Not only does this worry me because in his last marriage he was seprated from his wife and dating other people. Could he possible be a cheater?
Or is there something wrong with me? I don't receive complements from him ever since I had his child. I have been depressed and this has tore me apart. What can I do? How do I make this better for me and better for my marriage? Is this normal?
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replied October 26th, 2008
Experienced User
im not married but have been with my guy 2 yrs. I rarely get compliments from him, (guys aren't as visual as we are anyways) he's naturaly friendly so when he's talking to a girl it seems lik he's flirting but he's really not.

now for your guy to tell you he finds that girl attractive and has pics of her on thecomputer? nope that's not cool at all.

cheer yourself up! get your hair done, your nails, do the things u like to do. if your self concious bout ur body work out. and when he asks you why your doing all thosething tell him "im doing it for me, not for anyone else." believe me I did that recently.

I got my hair done,nails, I've started working out etc. I haven't gotten any compliments...not from him anyways lol more from his friends or just random people. and it bringing back my self esteem, and keeping my mind off things. and its showing.

he might think at first that your doing it to flirt with other guys etc, but don't listen to him. jus tell him ur not like him, flirting with other people when u have someone. that you respect your marriage and are doing all those things for yourself.
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Users who thank user108361 for this post: Sara1986 

replied October 27th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
i agree that him having pictures of this girl saved on the computer is pretty weird...and i also agree with lady if you go work out it makes you feel like a new person really, you have so much more self confidence and it really helps with stress..plus it gets you into shape...and also, going out and doing something for YOU is a great idea..give yourself a makeover, alot of times after being in a relationship for a long time we tend to slack on our appearance...get back into it, put on something cute and take some time to throw on some makeup, i'm not saying you should have to do this for his attention but..guys like it when you dress nicely and that shouldn't change after marriage
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replied October 27th, 2008
See and I do work out everyday. I'm very active but my husband does not care. He thinks I need double d's as he told me last night to please him. That really hurts because I'm a small girl and I'll never have those. I'm being compared to models being a past model myself is hurtful that I'm being put into such a situation. And I have gone far as caking on make up and tanning to be someone like this girl. And I get no respect. Being just married I thought he would care more about how I feel expectally just having a baby also. Im just out of options
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replied November 6th, 2008
Experienced User
NEVER change yourself to be like the other woman, just to see if your husband notices. never ever bring yourself down like that. dont get boobs cause your husband tells you it.ll please him, its YOUR body, if you wanna get em, do it cause YOU want to not cause it.ll make him happy. hes a jerk for treating you like that. theres someone out there better and more caring than him that.ll make you happy hun. but you know what? you keep being you-hot-confident-self, dont let anything he says get to you.Smile your baby deserves to have a happy mom. if he keeps this up, your gonna have to decide if you really wanna put up with this for the rest of your life.
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Users who thank user108361 for this post: Fairy Godmother 

replied November 6th, 2008
Experienced User
From what you say, I would becareful that your husband is cheating, trying to cheat, or will cheat. Pics of a girl he knows on his compture is a very big warning for you.

If he was flirting or touching her legs at a party, there is a chance they already have something on the go. I would not confront him yet, until you have more evidence. You could even try to set him up. But, start preparing for a heart break.

Good luck to you.
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replied November 7th, 2008
Experienced User
makoto is right, from what i re-read it does sound like hes already trying to do something. get as much evidence as you can. i just had a major scare with my boyfriends of 2yrs! after listening to him explain i gathered as much evidence as i could and it resulted in him telling the truth. crazy story i swear but deffinately gather as much as u can. before you confront him.because if you have something solid he wont be able to try and sugar coat things or say what he thinks you want to hear in order to calm you down.
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replied November 7th, 2008
Experienced User
just married
do you really need your question spelled out or what????
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replied November 7th, 2008
Experienced User
lol wow totally uncalled for Atusas. shes here to get suggestions and for us to listen to her.
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replied November 7th, 2008
Experienced User
just marrtied
i'm sorry but i was under the impressionthat this was not a forum for the lovelorn but rather an intelligent meeting of the minds. i don't mean tosound callous but most things in life are really common sense not nuclear physics.
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replied November 7th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Hi Sara, it sounds like you have low self esteem, and it's a problem compounded with a husband who is terribly disrespectful to you.

Ask yourself, would someone who truly cares about me treat me like this, say these things to me?
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Users who thank Birch for this post: Fairy Godmother 

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replied November 7th, 2008
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
Here's your sign................take it from those of us who are older and wiser....no one who lOVED you would disrespect you in any way. The flirting, the pictures and even saying to your face, he thinks this chick is HOT......what a dog.........if you were my daughter, I'd say, open your eyes and see the real world before it gets worse.......once a cheater.....ALWAYS a cheater. Seems he doesn't have a clue whow a real husband and father are suppose to act................
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Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: zigemyster 

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replied November 7th, 2008
Community Volunteer
You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

You are in love, you two share a child, newlyweds and he has the nerve to parade around another woman and you accept it? A true man / husband would not treat his new wife in this way. Confronting him? Let's say you did and he admits to it, what then? Forgive and he gets sneaky about his other potential affairs? What else is he not telling you? Not to mention the possibility of STD.

If you would, mentally step outside of this life that you are currently in and with a clear mind...look back into this situation as if you are a stranger peeking in and you see exactly what you have told us. What would you tell this woman to do? Would you advise her to stay with this person?

You deserve so much better than this. There is so much more in life, put him to the curb, cry your eyes out one last time and hold your head up, walk out the door and don't look back. Fairy GodMother is correct...once a cheater, always a cheater....and what comes with that? Other Lies, Lies, Lies....

~Zig
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Users who thank zigemyster for this post: Fairy Godmother 

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replied November 8th, 2008
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I agree
TOUCHE ZIG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
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replied November 10th, 2008
Experienced User
Kicking him to the curb and what not maybe too harsh. Marriage is for better or worse. Telling some one to get a divorce should not be said lightly. Next, we need more to go on before telling the girl to leave her husband. She should try other options first before just getting divorce.

Divorce is the easy way out and should be the last resort.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
I agree divorcing is the easy way out, trying to look like her all together is not a good idea, continue to do you. One question do you all have a church home?
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replied May 22nd, 2009
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first of all you two are very young. what this means in my experience is some younger guys feel like they havnt "been there done that".

when i dated young guys they wanted me to look like a model, flatter stomach...etc. never satisfied. my ex looked at other women in front of me, and made that whistling noise, almost broke his neck to look at another women's butt in front of me. he had your husbands attitude but he was much worse. he had a naked music video women on his cell phone. i dealt with it all and so much more. with his attitude he wanted to break up with me after 5 years to be with someone else. and he was with her for one year, and she dumped him. he regret it and wants me back, but too late im taken.

dating the older men who been around the world and got most of that out their systems treated me better, complimented me, i didnt feel insecure b/c they didnt do anything to make me feel that way.

your already married and you have to constantly put your foot down and not allow him to treat you that way. theres nothing wrong with any man thinking another women is attractive, but he has no right to cross a line and disrespect you.
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