Medical Questions > Debate Forums > General Debate Forum

Is romance really necessary? (Page 1)

User Profile
I would like to get some input on the necessity on romance in a relationship. My fiancé is a hopeless romantic, and I’m just hopeless at romance. I just don’t get the ‘sweet little nothings’, as that is exactly what they are - nothings. And the whole bubble bath and candle light-thing? What is that about? Lol. If I get my butt in the bathtub, it’s because I want to clean it. Personally I think it’s very dangerous to shave at candlelight. If you have a minor incident in some delicate areas you can be scarred for live - and I use that thingy for things other than urinating!
The question at hand is: Is it really necessary to go through the whole candlelight dinner thing (I can’t do it on a full stomach anyway), just to get a little ‘something’? Wouldn’t it be cheaper and a lot less effort just to ask: ‘Hey! Are you in the mood’?
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Those are the kind of "cliche'" romantic gestures that I can't stand, either. Romance takes many forms. If your finance', fixed your car for you that would be a useful, romantic gesture. I guess it depends on how you look at things.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Experienced User
I'm a huge romantic lol. Whether it's giving a kiss in public, or saying something sweet at home, bubble baths for the win, corny/sexy one-liners or something else, I like romance. I'm not an expert, but I like to give and receive that rosy warm feeling.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
i dont think that in order to get in the mood or "get some" you have to go all out with candle light dinners and what not, i think anywhere you go it can be romantic if you both enjoy yourself and are together.
but sometimes its not so bad to get a little more romancy, like on a special occasion...anniversary, maybe valentine's day[overrated though] really any day.
But its all in the things you do that make something romantic.
Watching a movie, going for a walk, spending the night in and renting a movie and pizza...anything can be romantic without going to extremes Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I don't get it either. You want to do something romantic for me? Vacuum, do the dishes, and put the toilet seat down.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
lol that would be nice too!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I dont know, I would like to have romance on occation, but I guess that if I had it all the time I would get annoyed with it. I just like it when my husband offers to do the dishes, or go to my favorite resturant or go shopping with me (which hardly happens, so I know he is trying to be nice then)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
ya on special occasions its nice to do something a little more special than the normal day-to-day routines. i think it also keeps a relationship flowing, strong and fresh.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 11th, 2008
Supporter
Sometimes doing the cliché things is fun. But I find more romance in taking a day off together and doing something fun. For example, we went to a huge market in Toronto and had dinner at the world's highest rotating restaurant in the CN Tower. It doesn't have to involve the pretenses of getting laid or anything... it's just nice to spend time together. I guess that's what romance is for me.. wanting to spend time together.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 11th, 2008
Experienced User
So what we have here is not "Is Romance Necessary" and more a question of "What Do You Consider Romantic". Most everyone has said they want romance, they just don't want cliched romance.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 11th, 2008
Supporter
Thanks for your input guys. Next time he wants to get all mushy I’ll just give him a list of chores to do. Lol.
But more on the serious side - romance does mean a lot to him, and I’ve tried and failed miserably on his birthday. I wanted to do the cliché candle light thing with chocolates, and champagne (I can’t stand a red wine breath - so I bought some bubbly), and he just laughed and gave me twelve out of ten for effort, and zero for actually being romantic. (I said a lot of really unromantic things apparently, but I considered it valid questions though.)
But we enjoyed the evening - especially after he finished the bottle of champagne. Lol
But still, every month (yes, MONTH) I call him on our anniversary he just makes a remark about how grateful I must be for modern technology, as he knows that I have to put reminders on my phone. Laughing
He really is just a sweetheart. good

btw cmyked, good point as usual.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 18th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Beline wrote:
Thanks for your input guys. Next time he wants to get all mushy I’ll just give him a list of chores to do. Lol.
But more on the serious side - romance does mean a lot to him, and I’ve tried and failed miserably on his birthday. I wanted to do the cliché candle light thing with chocolates, and champagne (I can’t stand a red wine breath - so I bought some bubbly), and he just laughed and gave me twelve out of ten for effort, and zero for actually being romantic. (I said a lot of really unromantic things apparently, but I considered it valid questions though.)
But we enjoyed the evening - especially after he finished the bottle of champagne. Lol
But still, every month (yes, MONTH) I call him on our anniversary he just makes a remark about how grateful I must be for modern technology, as he knows that I have to put reminders on my phone. Laughing
He really is just a sweetheart. good

btw cmyked, good point as usual.


Hey, Beline:

Well, here we are again! Hahahahah

Seriously, not everyone can do the romantic thing, cliched or not. It's probably okay if you decide to go along with some of it for his sake, at least on special occasions.

I believe a talk with your guy is in order and tell him what you have told us. It's not a flaw that you can't get into his romantic gestures, but you might work out a toned-down plan that might not put him off entirely.

Having read your posts before, you seem logical and levelheaded, and I'm sure you'll be easy on the guy. I'll be honest, yours is the first thread I've seen where a woman complained about a man showing too much romance in a relationship. It's usually quite the opposite.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 19th, 2008
Supporter
Yeah, well, he is constantly telling me to get in touch with my feminine side. Laughing I’m not very ‘girly’. He came to visit and has taken quite a lot of interest in the forum, and does not always agree with the advice that I give because he is more of a ‘tell it like it is’ person.
The ‘downside’ of him being here is that my daughter now decided that she doesn’t want me to marry him anymore - SHE wants to marry him! Can you believe it? Little tramp. Laughing
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 2nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I agree but I think everyone has a different view of romance.

I would rather go for a bike ride come back home and have sex after an adrenaline rush or jump off the bike at an given time and pick up somewhere in a forest lol....

Romance doesnt need to be a corny try to see if he would go for something else, like maybe go down to a beach/skinny dipping hehehe adrenaline rush but fun or even as good glass of wine with supper...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 2nd, 2008
Experienced User
i think romance is whatever makes a person feel loved and special and cherished. giving material things is one thing but knowing what turns someone on and makes them feel fantastic takes thought and communication and time spent getting to know one another. when you invest your time and share who you are with someone because you love them there will always be romance. it's just different for different people.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 4th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
My idea of a romantic night is getting my husband off the computer long enough to watch a movie and spend some time 'together'.

Eating is eating, I don't understand how it's romantic. But if he cooks dinner and cleans up all without asking for my help, that's romantic.

We tried having a glass of wine together, but his views on alcohol are a lot different than mine (he enjoys a glass of wine or beer, while I'd rather just get smashed, lol), so that never really works out.

The occasional single red rose couldn't be sweeter, it's the thought that counts.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 5th, 2008
Experienced User
Oh, I love food... eating isn't just eating when it's good food!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 5th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
I heard some stat last night that men who spend more hours a week doing household chores have sex more often than men who don't.

I should leave this screen up for my husband to see. Wink
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 5th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Romance looks good on paper and on the screen but I've found that classic romantic gestures have a tendency to make me feel embarrassed or smothered in real life. Maybe I'm strange but I appreciate help with the dishes more than a bouquet of flowers. >_<

I suppose it depends on who you are and where your relationship is, too. I recall finding flowers and little gifts romantic when I was dating but now I'd rather just have some help around the house. Wink
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 5th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Nathan would write me notes and draw me little pictures. On napkins, scraps of papers, back of flyers, etc. Sometimes I'd get them every day. Sometimes one or two a week. He'd put them in books I was reading, under the door mat, on the fridge, lay them beside me in the bed before he left for work.

They were so special because they always made me feel loved, and thought of, and because he found me worthy of his thoughts and art. I don't think any of those ostentatious things could have done what those austere gestures did for me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12
Quick Reply