I have been in a long distance relationship with him for 5 years now and we met online, most of our communication is over the internet. He has always seemed so nice. I have visited him on several occasions and sometimes he's really nice and loving but some of the stuff he does worries me and I'm not sure if this kind of thing will get any worse.

Stuff I'm worried about:

1. He had this towel that he swung around and he'd hit his mom's butt with it after she asked him not to. He'd then do the same thing to me after I told him not to do it as it hurt.

2. Sometimes when I needed to use the restroom he'd try to prevent me from using it.

3. Once when we were laying in his bed I told him that I was hard headed and he said lets see about that and he headbutted into my forehead and I told him to stop but he did it a second time.

4. There was a daddy long leg behind his bed once and I freaked out about it and he pushed me in front of it and I told him to stop but he just kept relentlessly doing it.

5. There was a roach out in his kitchen and I screamed and ran off to his living room and he came out and grabbed me and dragged me back into the kitchen and when I told him to stop he wouldn't listen and he took me back where it was and then ran off to his room and locked his door and started taunting me.

6. Once when I accidentally cut myself shaving and stained my pants a bit I went to tell him what happened and he looked infuriated and shouted at me to go and put them in the washer then and just lost his temper.

7. He tried to push me off the side of his bed one night and I kept telling him not to but he just kept doing it relentlessly.

8. Once when we were at a fast food place I was trying to figure out what I wanted and he got all impatient and gave me a little shove and said move and then ordered our food and then he called out to me asking me why I was being so standoffish until I finally went over to him, it was embarrassing.

9. He gave me birthday spankings once extremely hard and I told him to stop cause it hurt but he wouldn't.

10. He would pinch and pull my nipples extremely hard and when I asked him to stop he would be like "nope, its going to happen, brace yourself for it" and then he would just keep doing it and completely ignore me when I asked him not to and when I told him it was excruciating he would try to insist that I was enjoying it because my nipples got bigger after he did it. Once when I was laying on top of him and he was pinching them, I was struggling to get away and I hurt his finger by mistake and he glared up at me and looked like he wanted to punch me.

11. He pressured me into having anal sex with him before we did it the normal way first (he wanted to try that too but I didn't have protection and he knew I couldn't get pregnant) I really didn't want to try it but I finally gave in because he made me feel guilty for not wanting to try and I wanted to please him and make him happy, we did it with no condom or lube and it was extremely excruciating for me and it made me bleed but he still kept wanting to do it even though I wasn't enjoying myself and we did it several times. He didn't even get tested to see if he had any diseases first.

12. He pressured me into giving him blowjobs and then swallowing his semen afterwards even though he knew I found it gross.

He has his moments where he will make me feel really loved and special despite all this. Will he grow out of this stuff and change or is it likely to escalate? We are in our early 20's.
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replied May 7th, 2013
Yes, he's definitely abusive. Sexually, emotionally, and physically. It's not going to get better. Leave now before it's too late.
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replied May 7th, 2013
He's vey immature. He does what little boys do o little girls when they have a crush in the 5th grade. You need to leave him, I'm sorry but it's the truth. You tell him as honestly and as unbiased as you can that he has security, anger and possessive issues hat he needs o sort out. It's not his fault for not knowing how to be a mature lover but it is your fault for staying with him. Find yourself someone who treats you like their equal because he seems to think he's above you. Best of luck.
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replied May 8th, 2013
Sorry but this reads like fiction don't know wether to laugh or cry
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replied May 9th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
There is a possibility it is fiction because few modern western women would tolerate even a couple of such incidents before they take off never to be seen again...

On the off-chance it isn't fiction I have to say it sounds like the young man has potentially serious adjustment problems that could be schizophrenic in origin.

The poster should get as far away from this guy as possible!
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replied May 12th, 2013
Experienced User
I would have to disagree with you there Verne01, many western women still put up with heinous abuse, not just the specifics mentioned, but worse.

Much ado is made of those who leave. Unfortunately the overwhelming majority of females I know in abusive relationships stay and breed future abusers or abusees with their abuser. Many abused guys do too. Their children learn to behave that way.

Very few western women, in my experience, leave an abusive relationship that does not publically force them to leave due to shame over obvious abuse damage, i.e. black eyes, broken noses. I think the majority of relationships are abusive one way or another, to varying degrees.
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replied May 13th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
I accept your point but this poster isn't in the usual sort of relationship that allows or even nurtures such abusive behaviour and educates the other person into accepting it over a period of time by depriving them of a point of reference.

This poster isn't deprived of a point of reference and because they aren't together very much will be constantly able to compare her relationship with those of others; also not permanently cohabiting means she is unlikely to feel committed or tied to him in a physical or a financial way.

I still maintain under her circumstances where a couple have really only a relatively few dates under their belts and are effectively still getting to know each other and are without material commitments few western women would tolerate such a clear case of abuse before disappearing into the scenery.
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replied May 14th, 2013
Experienced User
Didn't disagree with what you've stated in general verne01, in fact I agree with the majority of your posts. I wasn't disputing anything concerning relationship length or marital ties or points of reference or conditioning and manipulating to accept abuse.

The only part I debated was your statement: "few modern western women would tolerate even a couple of such incidents before they take off never to be seen again."

That's not true for my country but may be for yours. Right after posting it occurred to me that you may be American. In my experience, that statement does seem more typically true of American women as opposed to Australian women, who are more backwards still in abandoning a abuser.

But the victim group in general was classified as 'western women' and that is a very broad spectrum that includes both the liberated and still disempowered, regardless of cultural/social/regional differences between women of various westernized countries.

Your last paragraph makes your point clearly without the potentially confusing generalizations. If that had been in your original post it would have clarified things greatly.
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replied May 15th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
I guess you are right and I could have expressed myself better initially. Maybe I was tired and as I knew what I meant expected everyone else to know too.

On the subject of modern western women my thoughts are somewhat coloured by my eldest daughter who tends to be the traditional type of woman who allows her man to take the big decisions in life like who is going to run the country while she decides everything else...
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