Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

IS it time to go to the looney bin?

This is bs! I am newly diagnosed with BP1, and have just started depakote. I also suffer from anxiety, and started klonopin the other day. The last few days have been a complete rollar coaster. One minute I am relieved to know I am not crazy, that there is a name for what I am dealing with, and the next, I am pissed, sad, screaming with anxiety. I take th edepakote at night, but still am not functionable until 11 or 12 the next day. Then, theis klonopin, it is a whole new thing. The second night I took it, I had hallucinations of spiders and beetles inmy freaking bed. My bff was nice enough to drive from across twon to spend the night with me. I can't drive in either. Today at church, I came up to ask for prayer. For the moment I felt better, but NO sooner had the kids and I arrived home and I was jumping all over them for what aver I could. I called my neighbor to see if they could go over there for the afternoon. Now, all I can do is cry and wonder how many klonopins it would take.
My husband works out of state, my MIL, who lives with us, is out of town till Tues., my besties parents are coming in for a visit so they are busy cleaning house live rabid dogs. I know thy all love me, and they are just busy right now, but I feel SO alone! I want to scream and kick and cry. I wonder if it would be better to be hospitalized just for the weekend so I don't hav eto be alone with my thoughts. IS that stupid?
I am miserable. I am terrified. I am stupid for even posting this crap. I amot nuts, or am I? Nothing makes sense right now. I can't make up my mind. Do I want to wathc tv, read a book, sleep, eat....I can't make those decisions. what is one supposed to do when she can't ever decide whether to eat or…?

How do I know what to do now? Literally, thought skeep crrepign into my head, but could I do it? Idon't thinkg so, but what if they are there long enough? I am a Christian, but that doesn't seem to matter rfith now. I don't wnat to, I don't think I will. OMG!
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replied August 8th, 2010
Hope you got through this okay, and it certainly is not stupid. I hate when I can not settle down enough to watch tv, read, sleep, eat etc. I actually usually feel that way when I am transitioning down from a major up. I don't know if that is what is happening with you but if it is that may be a good sign, but also a very very uncomfortable time and if it takes being in a hospital, then so be it in my opinion. When I got through that period myself I am miserable, although since I have been there before the terror is no longer present although I do have thoughts that are dangerous for me in which case I immediately notify family members to get better feedback on whether I NEED to be in the hospital or not.

Best of luck and never never never feel stupid for sharing your feelings with the rest of us bozos cause in the words of an old comedy team...

We are ALL bozos on THIS bus.
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replied August 10th, 2010
Sounds like you need a med change. If you're contemplating suicide, go to the hospital right away. At least there they can monitor you and get your meds right so you can get back to your life.
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