Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Is it possible to be in relationship with somebody who's bipolar

Hi, I am a 38 year old male who is bipolar I. Every relationship I have been in has eventually ended because of my symptoms. I have been on meds for years, but they never take the symptoms totally away. Last year the love of my life left me because of my disorder. We had been together 4 years and I had told her from the start that I was bipolar. She did lots of research on the subject and understood my symptoms and the fact that I had little control over them.When she left she said that she could not handle me anymore. Since then I have become increasingly depressed to the point that I am barley able to function anymore. I have been in several multi-year relationships but they always fall apart because of my disorder. Is it possible for a relationship to last for me? I feel like just giving up on life because I can not handle anymore loss.
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First Helper MichaelsPain
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replied July 30th, 2012
Hey. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your lovers. Your not alone. I also suffer with Bipolar disorder and It's the same with me. My relationships never last due to my mood swings. I know how alone this must make you feel, but try to focus on yourself for a while. Look after yourself and eventually someone will come along who will care for you and understand and love you for who you are. Try not to let this get you down. Love finds everyone, no matter how hard things get.
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replied August 1st, 2012
Don't bet on that. You can not treat your significant other poorly and think they will continue the relationship. A person can only take so much abuse. Bipolar/mental illness has a way of destroying decency. I have comes to terms with the fact. You will lose friends, some family members, and more than not your primary relationship due to the illness. If you are the rarity and make it last, it still will be a struggle. ALWAYS! How is that fair to anybody?
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Users who thank MichaelsPain for this post: yeahitsme 

replied September 5th, 2012
Experienced User
Sad but true MichaelsPain. Well said.
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replied August 2nd, 2012
The short answer, "no".
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replied August 26th, 2012
It is possible - but there is a lot of pain, blame, confusion, trust issues, manipulation, fear, regret, sadness that will come with it unless you get OUTSIDE help.
The thing is with bi-polar ... There seems to be an issue with the cause- blame- who's fault is it? Who started it, what happened? Where did it turn sour? Seriously, you will not ever get a break b/c your bi-polar will be the first thing to blame when something goes wrong... Then all your feelings are completely disregarded when it could have very easily been a trigger brought on by her.
Get a counselor, a journal & talk about it (after emotions have calmed). For me, It was 6 years into the relationship that I found out my boyfriend was bi-polar... And that's when it took a turn for the worse. He was confused on what was reality & so was I. But we loved each other... And when you love someone you will do anything to make it work... Even if your searching your whole life for the cure. For us, the cure was communication & our counselor.

With that said, if at any point the relationship becomes violent in any way... Do NOT put up with physical or emotional violence from either side. It will only get worse, you must get help or pull out all together.

I think that once you have been diagnosed with BP Disorder, you become a victim. Your partner may not take responsibility for their actions and you may blame your actions on the fact you have a disorder, only leaving your partner confused & vice versa. That's why its so important to get that outside help & be open to suggestion, embrace change & stay positive.
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replied August 27th, 2012
Been in a relationship with someone that is bi-polar for almost 13 years now, 6 of those are married years. Took 11 years for her to get treatment and even after treatment she smashed my heart and destroyed my self esteem, it is what bipolar people do I guess.

So if you can find someone with the patience of a saint that has a gluttony for punishment fetish then you're in luck! Just try not to screw their friends and everyone you work with... especially if they have anger management issues.
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replied September 25th, 2012
Exactly this is what they do; smash heart and destroy self esteem.
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replied September 25th, 2012
I think it takes a special kind of person, and I wasn't it. My ex-husband was bipolar. Maybe someone can learn from our experience ... everything became so focused on him - his illness, treatment, trying to meet his needs - that everything else in the relationship got left behind. Both partners in the relationship need nurturing and affection. It makes sense that the person with BPD would require more, but things got so lopsided I might as well have not been there - and eventually, I wasn't Sad

He died a couple of years ago in an accident. So much was left unresolved. His daughter misses him dreadfully, and I must admit - I miss him, too.
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replied September 25th, 2012
Experienced User
I'm so sorry for your loss.You have so described what it's like to live with someone with bi-polar. thanks for doing it so well. It's not that we don't love our partners cause we do so much but the fact that yes we do get lost. You said it so well. thanks.
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replied September 27th, 2012
Hi my boyfriend is bipolar. Not gonna lie it's awful. we have been together for 12 years. When he is on his meds, things are good we can communicate about things and work them out. When he isn't it's like world war 3. I am on the verge of leaving him, we have 2 kids that complain that all daddy does is yell at them and play video games. I have done my all to work with him, but if he can't even take his meds, i am left with no choice. So my advice for you is to take your illness seriously, and figure out what triggers you, and make sure to stay open and communicate with your partner. It's not easy being with someone with a condition, but even worse if you feel you dont need help
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replied November 5th, 2012
Experienced User
Good advice Wylie830.
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