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About a year ago my husband began changing, although he had sometimes been both physically and emotionally abusive in the past, I long for the "good old days". The change in my husband occured shortly before he lost his job, he became angry all the time and blames his life on me, other races, women getting the vote and just about any other excuse he can come up with. His fav. phrases are "who cares" and " do you think I give a sh**?".
He had refused to look for work for over 8 months which resulted in us being homeless twice in the past year (I'm am disabled and unable to work), until he was offered a part time job working in a bowling alley which pays him less than 400.00 a month. the only reason he took it was because he is allowed to bowl free daily. He has no desire to get any futher work and if asked to help around the house states "i'm not going to be your N word"
He drove our car with no water and destroyed it and has abandoned it at a local gas station even though he can rebuild a motor. and uses "i got no car" as a reason to avoid doing anything. The station has called several times asking him to come get the car and he refuses.
The worse part is if i say anything to him he calls me stupid, dumb a**, retard, or just stands laughs and points at me. Says he hates me, and won't stop till i'm gone but yet he refuses to leave.
I've called local mental health trying to get him help and they were on the phone with me while he was on one of his tangents Sadly they state there is nothing i can do to force him to get help. I've spoken with his dr. as well but he refuses to go to the appointments I set up for him.
We live in a very small town and everyone has noticed the change in him and think he's on drugs of somekind but yet he passed drug testing at his previous job. He refuses to bathe or shave, sleeps on the couch in his clothes, its a nightmare and I dont know what set it off.
My question is: is it me? are these symptoms of something i dont understand? or could it be because i became ill? And secondly: How can i get him help when he refuses to accept responsiblility for anything he does?
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replied June 20th, 2011
It is not you. It is not your fault.

I work at a domestic violence agency. I can tell you for a fact that you are not alone. I've spoken to many people who say their partner changed suddenly. It sounds to me like your partner is not a positive person to be with based on your description. You never say a positive word about him.

Sudden bahavior changes can happen for a host of reasons: drugs, brain tumor, maybe he felt demoralized when he realized he was losing his job.

I think the real thing to consider is if you want to continue to be with him. I urge you to call the National DV Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233. They are there to help counsel and connect you to resources. If you aren't ready to leave, they can help you talk about safety plans or just give you a safe place to discuss you experience.
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replied June 27th, 2011
i whole heartidly agree with scanionA, you should evaluate if you want to stay with a man who is constantly putting you down. If he has mental problems the way you can help him is by calling a few state programs tell them he has lost reality, and needs someone to come get him, they can hold him for 24 hours and evaluate him. during this time, pack your bags and move out.
I wont say IF your ready to move out, im saying you need to be ready, not only does your spouse have problems, but this can really damage your psychy as well. i was in an abusive relationship with my daughters father for a few years, and i ended up so bad off that i now have non epileptic sdeizures due to trauma from him and other reasons. But once its gotten to that point it takes a long time to recover.
if he is emotionally and psychologically having these many issues and he gets better on medications down the road and wants to work things out, and it isnt his fault and isnt just being this way to be difficult, then perhaps reevaluate it then. But for now get out while you still have your own freewill to do so.
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