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Is it bad to date someone so young...

Hey guys...
Im 18 and im dating a 14 year old girl...Ive known her ever since she was 11.We are NOT sexually active, we are far from it. When i met her(shes my friends sis) she was just a friend. But when she got her cell we began talking everyday. I got to know the real her and i couldnt help but fall in love. I know love is cliche..ive been in alot of failed relationships. I always end up getting dumped after 3 months, but with this girl ive been with for almost a year and a half. her parents and her brother are a huge obstacle..always telling her that wed be a failure relationship.. but i always tell her wel prove them wrong...that no matter what happens no regrets. I know im still young and shes young herself, but i know i really and deeply care about this girl. Is a 4 year difference too big? Should i focus on someone my own age? Do i seem as a child molestor as some of my friends put it? Any ideas, comments concerns about this?
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replied November 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I think that right now its a big age difference just because you are BOTH still young...it'd be completely different if you were 24 and she were 20...just take it easy for now..she is very young...and if you were to eventually get involved physically, just remember, thats illegal...and you could get in big trouble...just be smart about it, maybe right now friendship is the best option...and if its meant to be then its meant to be...
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replied November 18th, 2009
Experienced User
I agree with worrywart01 both of you are still very young and that friendhip is the best thing to happen to both of you. Yes it is also illegal. If you really love her you would have to wait 'till she reaches her legal age and when she is mature enough to understand relationships. Age doesn't matter to me as long as you love each other. But it has to be in the right time.
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replied November 21st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
A lot of times when love disappoints people they look for safer relationships. Situations where they have more control over the situation. This isn't in itself unhealthy but often it can put one of both of you in an unhealthy situation in the relationship. You might want to talk to someone about why you feel comfortable dating someone who has so much less experience in life.
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replied November 25th, 2009
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she is a minor and you are considered an adult.
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replied November 27th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
ServiceU wrote:
she is a minor and you are considered an adult.



I agree serviceu but they are NOT sexually active and it is only four years difference me and my partner have four years between us i was 18 and he was 22 ok so i was above the age of consent (live in uk) but if they are not doing anything wrong then i dont see why they cannot be happy....Jenny
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replied November 27th, 2009
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i am a 33 year old female and my boyfriend is 51 years old. so in some cases age isnt a problem to me. my boyfriend is by far the best i've ever had.

but what does a 14 year old female wants in a relationship? what does an 18 year old boy wants?
they will fall in love and would want to be with each other intimately. i just look at a 14 year old girl as a child, and the 18 as an adult. i do believe it is against the law in our country if they did become intimate.
if she as a little older i wouldnt have a problem with it.
he also said he was with her for 1 1/2 years, that would make her 12 years old.
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replied November 28th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Yes i suppose you are right, didnt read they were together that long Sad I just hope they wait until she is old enough to be intimate with eachother...Jenny
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replied December 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I completely agree with serviceU 100%..a 33yo woman and 51yo man is completely different from a 14yo girl and 18yo boy...at 14 and 18 you are still figuring yourself out..and at this age horomones are raging! So for them to say that they wont eventually get physical(even after dating 2 years she'd only be 16 and thats STILL illegal!) is ridiculous...I just think that 14 is way way too young...shoot, I wasn't even officially allowed to date until i was 16! lol its just a risky situation..and i know i for one would NOT have an 18 yo boy dating my 14 yo daughter....no way
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replied December 2nd, 2009
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She is far too vulnerable at this age...Girls of this age fall in love with the word "love" alone...They know no restraints...He is a man and will think like a man....She is young and can be made to think old....The red caution flag is raised....Be careful....

Caroline
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replied December 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm not encouraging anyone to date a child here but I'd like to clear up a few things. The majority of states in the union and foreign nations don't have laws preventing an 18 year old from dating a 14 year old. Unknown29 hasn't even stated that he's sexually active with her so lets not jump to the conclusion that a crime is taking place here.

On the topic of a 51 year old man dating a 33 year old woman there is a difference. That man was an adult prior to the woman being born. Literally old enough to be her father. They are of completely different generations. I don't advocate anyone pursue a serious relaitonship with someone of that kind of age difference. In a a few years Unknown and his girl will both be adults with only a few years difference, they share social tropes and common mass media reference, they experienced historical events with the same point of maturity. There is a promise of a relationship between peers. He just need to give her an opportunity to mature before he begins that relationship.
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replied December 3rd, 2009
Experienced User
he stated they weren't having sex. Whats the difference tho, he holds her back emotionally with her just starting high school and him should have been already graduated and going out in the big boy world of work and life. So, while she is going to the prom and doing homework, he should be going to work and or going off to college or out seeking his way in the world. Age is just a number to a certain extent.31 year old dating a 51 year old is much more matched by life lived and experiences than 14 and 18. Maturity and experience should be the determining factors. As a parent, I would absolutely not allow my 14 year old freshman daughter to date and 18 year old boy...not even a 17 year old boy and my rule is if he is 16 he has to be no more than a sophomore in high school. Not relevant anyway since she really isn't allowed to "date" per se. On the other hand, I dated a 45 year old man when I was 28. It turns out we were extremely compatible as I had lived and experienced some things in life and he was sheltered and oblivious to some things in life. Our maturity/experience levels meshed.
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replied December 3rd, 2009
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Jinjer
I don't see the contrast. A 51 year old dating a 31 year old has a 20 year headstart in life. By the the same standards you hold Unknown29 to, he should be much further along in his life. I'm sure that Unknown29's girlfriend feels that they are extremely compatible as well, otherwise she wouldn't be dating him. Anytime there is a substantial difference in age there is a problem with power in the relationship. You can certainly work around it but it's simply healthier to date someone closer to your stage of development.
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replied December 3rd, 2009
Experienced User
W0LF wrote:
Jinjer
I don't see the contrast. A 51 year old dating a 31 year old has a 20 year headstart in life. By the the same standards you hold Unknown29 to, he should be much further along in his life. I'm sure that Unknown29's girlfriend feels that they are extremely compatible as well, otherwise she wouldn't be dating him. Anytime there is a substantial difference in age there is a problem with power in the relationship. You can certainly work around it but it's simply healthier to date someone closer to your stage of development.


I agree.

My point is...an 18 year old is so much further along in their development than a 14 year old and at a totally different stage in their lives. In a relationship with a 31 to 51 year old...at least the 31 year old has some life skills to deal with what may happen. A 14 year old doesn't have adult coping skills and an 18 year old should be honing them not overlooking that they should have them.
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replied March 28th, 2011
Experienced User
Hi there, I'm not a doctor, I'm a 52 yy man.
Relationships and or love should not have age limits.
The only place where age limit is a "Factor" it's "The Law". As long as you're not sexualy active, it's ok.
I was 19, when I fell in love with a 14 yo girl.
What I did, I met her parents, and made my intentions clear reguarding the "no sex" promise.
The parents trusted me and allowed me to date their daughter. However, 2 yrs later, she became too jealous and kept accusing me of cheating, even though I swore in front of her parents, that I didn't not cheat in any ways. The trust between us was lost, therefore I ended that relationship. I was really hurt and didn't date again for over 2 yrs.
Anyways, I don't wanna tell my whole life's story.
So, I suggest that, if you really like this girl, consider meeting her parents and as a sign of respect, ask for their approval.
Don't forget the "no sex" "promise".
In this society, a major age difference seems to be accepted only if the older person is a rich/important person/actor etc..., but for anyone else is a big NO-NO!
Never mind all those ignorant people making judgement on your part and calling you a child molester/cradle snatcher etc.... As long as you know you're not doing anything of the sorth, let them be ignorant all they want. They're probably jealous and envyous.
Quick judgement is a sure sign of an ignorant person. It's easier to make judgemet, rather than try to understand the whole ...story?
TC. T. rainbow

I just realized, this thread is 2 yrs old.
I wonder what happened to that relation? Mmmmmmm... Rolling Eyes
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replied April 5th, 2011
im with u bro i wonder what happend cause like im 18 known my girl all her life and she 15 but her parents dont want her dating anyone but i did talk to them they like me just dnt want her to date but we do anyways cause we loves eachother and i will man up to any conisquense i come too
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replied June 6th, 2011
Its not bad thing




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replied June 11th, 2011
I hope the best for both of you. Who cares what people think or say. As long as you're both happy and truthful to each other go for it. Who are we to judge? Yeah life this, life that, experiences, who gives a hoot. Maybe you both could prove to this world that true love exists and you need no one else but each other. Love is beautiful, don't hide from it, embrace it and enjoy it while you have it. Hold on to it until you die. Smile
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replied August 4th, 2014
two types of dating relationships in the world:
A. "pure-innocent love"(-an intense feeling of deep affection like similar to that of siblings that lookout for one other, and take care of each other no matter what) Dating.

B. "normal"-(feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.) Dating

I choice A is better for you
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replied August 4th, 2014
I believe you should focus on yourself in terms of a career. Start working and earn some cash. Don't make her your entire focus and completely die out in your routine life for her. This is something you would want to avoid ever in your life with anybody since you need to have some stability and independence for yourself since their family and probably yours is against this relationship. Relationship wise, I believe that the foundation will be really strong since you're both young. Most relationships after your teens are for pure convenience and you my friend have a gift. Treasure her and respect her... Be there for each other and flow. Don't force it or be desperate about it either. Talk about what direction you guys should take to grow and for example see her interests so you can give her direction and backup so she can grow. That's also an indicator to see if you're headed towards the same direction. Forget what people tell you if she's too young or not etc... If you both feel you're meant to be you are meant to be. All this age nonsense was created by the law to "protect" us... Remember back in the days, if we lived in a jungle, without all this crazy stuff around us, you would be together without all this drama. Good luck man and remember my tips. I hope it works out and you have a beautiful family. If not remember to focus on your growth.
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