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Intentional Miscarriages

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Hi so I'm falling apart. I don't know what to do..
At 14, (my boyfriend 17) I became pregnant with my first baby. I told my boyfriend when I was about 2 months along. I was scared beyond belief. And he crushed me more. His first thought was where we would go to "get rid of your mistake" his words exactly. We fought and fought for weeks and finally he demanded I get rid of it doing drugs and starving myself along with self harm, he didnt want to pay for an abortion and get in trouble with his parents. I got rid of it, I dont know why but I COULDNT lose him.
Almost a year later I got pregnant again, different guy. I kept it from him because I was SO scared. I became full fledged Anorexic after my last "miscarriage" I got down to 89 pounds, and became a sorry shadown of the girl I once was. I wanted this baby, even if it meant losing my new guy. Im all set to be a mom, told my best friend, looked at baby names, dreamed about the baby I already loved more than life. And I was training this mustang for my brother during my spare time before I found out I was pregnant. I got upset and took her into my arena, she did well and I decided to ride her, once around, what could happen. I got bucked off, thrown face first into a wooden fence. Started bleeding imediantly and lost the baby two days later. now i am so deppressed and broke i dont know what to do... please if you have anything that might help me, please please tell me. If I dont have any help I dont know if I can stay alive anymore. Like is not worth it without finding healing. I have suicidal thoughts everyday, and I cant take it anymore.
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replied June 26th, 2011
Experienced User
So your fifteen I know that losing this child hurts, I have seen many people go through misscarragies and it is a very upsetting thing and I watchedit tear them down but they have gotten back up. Even though you feel like you are ready to be a mom there is no way that you could do it all by yourself at fifteeen still doing school job your still a kid so don't waste the life still ahead for you since you are having sex you need to be taking percations and not just for not getting prregnant(std's). Please look out for yourself
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replied October 14th, 2011
That is so sad! Please don't give up on life. I've been depressed for many, many years now. Do you have health insurance? If so, you could go into therapy for free. I've been in therapy quite a few times and talking to someone anonymous helped me a lot. You sound like an awesome person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I just found out that I was pregnant today and my boyfriend and I are going to get an abortion because at 24 years old (both of us), we can't afford to have a baby because we don't have good jobs and aren't married and our parents would freak out. He hugged me, told me he would support anything I wanted to do, and told me he loved me and that he would pay for everything and be there for me every step of the way. Every good woman needs a man like that and I hope you find someone who respects you because it sounds like your first boyfriend was a dirtbag. Let me know if you need anymore advice because I'd be happy to help!
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