Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

In love with an illusion. My bipolar boyfriend

After reading on here about people with almost identical stories, I thought I would share mine. This is going to be a long post. After getting the suspicion that my now ex boyfriend is suffering from bipolar, I did a search about relationships with bipolar people and this forum came up. This isn't my first go around with a bipolar. The father of my son is extremely bipolar. He is unable to function. So was my grandmother. Both suffered from schizophrenia as well. I've never encountered a "normal" bipolar person... so I was unsure what was going on.

I have known (we will just call him bf) since the 6th grade. He was the first boy to have a crush on me. He loved me so much back in the freaking 6th grade. I never forgot him. To my surprise a few months ago, he found me online after 17 years on not talking. He is a business owner like myself and we seem to have the same ideas about everything. After talking with him, I felt as if he were the male version of myself! After he took me on an extremely extravagant date, we were inseparable. He painted an amazing picture of himself. He appeared to have done really well with his business. Making his first million dollars by the age 25. Which he may have done. I still don't know. He was well educated on every end of the spectrum. Great with people. Extremely charismatic. 2 children who he loved dearly and was excited to meet my 2 children. Seemed so positive about life and full of energy. In great physical shape. The whole package. We connected on every single level possible. Like many posters above me, I had never felt so complete with another person. Everything was so amazing. I felt as if he knew me without me even having to explain myself. I felt at home with him. As if everything was exactly as it should be. All the ridiculous BS I had been through in my life was worth it because it somehow led me to him.

Two months of an amazing relationship. I wasn't expecting what was going to happen next. We lived about an hour apart. He had been wanting to move to my area before we even met. I had worked so very hard to get a house to make running my business easier, as well as a yard for my kids. I finally got into one a few months before we met. Under normal circumstances, there is no way I would have someone I've only been in a relationship with for 2 months move in (Or be around my kids) But he always held a special place in my heart. I have all these still frames of him in my mind from the 6th grade. How much he adored me. The looks on his face... it was all still the same. So we decided to have him move in. That's where things got a little funky. He couldn't decide if he wanted to work for someone, run a portion of his business, look for a location to fully run his business, work at a restaurant and supplement his side work, etc, etc, etc. Suddenly his bank accounts (supposedly all 17 of them) became frozen. Apparently his ex was trying to get $1000 from him for extra child support. That's where another red flag came up. I know this is a large sum of money to anybody, but it's something that he could have easily paid if the amount of money he had was true. I even offered to give him the thousand to give to her just to un-freeze his accounts. He wouldn't take it. And as far as I know, they are still frozen. Months later! He was driving me nuts with being so indecisive about work and I was starting to get nervous. With all I had been through with my sons father, I refused to "help him out" while he got on his feet. So I kinda pushed a little. Started asking questions.
That's when he suggested that I just move to his area so he could keep his business open. He also pushed the idea of having a child... I feel like such a complete idiot. But I've always had dreams of being a stay at home mom and he was willing to give that to me and my boys. He lives off a beautiful lake in a smaller community. The schools are wonderful. So I shut my business down, sold a lot of my furniture to make room for our things at his house, enrolled my son in the school by him, found a renter for my house, and we moved.

A week into the new location and I discovered I was pregnant. He didn't really react. He just said "I thought you were". And that was that. He was getting a little more distant. I just figured it was from the stress of everything. He actually lived with his brother and sister in law... for free. He had informed me that they bought this million dollar house together. It was actually a million dollar house that was foreclosed on that his brother purchased on his own and was letting him stay there, rent free for reasons I do not know. Financial obviously. His brother called him out on a lot of things. The boat they "bought together" is his brothers boat. And so on.
While that was a major red flag, I continued on because I was already elbow deep into everything. And I was pregnant....

It just seemed to be one thing after another in a weeks time. His ex was supposedly stalking him... calling all the time, showing up at his work, showing up at his brothers work, driving by the house, etc. Little did I know, he completely destroyed her world and she was desperate trying to make sense of it all.
So I was angry about that. It didn't make sense that she was STILL coming around after all this time. But he was extremely indecisive with her. Going back to her. Leaving her. Going back and so on.
He wasn't able to stay at his location for work because rent was going up. So he had to hurry and move out.
Then one day, I brought him dinner. I went in to kiss him and he said he didn't want to kiss me. That entering into a relationship was a mistake. He couldn't handle my kids. He didn't want this. So he told me to have an abortion and to move out. All our dreams about the life we were going to have were crushed in an instant.

I WAS COMPLETELY DEVASTATED. I had nowhere to go and he didn't care. Another empty promise... he said he would give me money which I still haven't seen. No job, no house, pregnant, I moved into my parents. My kids were devastated. They absolutely adored him. For 3 weeks, I cried all day and night. I laid in bed. All day. I had never been so devastated in my life. I begged and pleaded with him. I used "getting my things from his house" as an excuse to see him. He would go from thinking he wanted to make things work, to changing his mind. One week he said "I know in my soul that we can make this work. We don't even have to MAKE us work. We just work. And that's no [email protected]!*" And I believed him. Only to have him change his mind a few days later. Annnd he did it again. This time for a month. Then he started freaking out again. We looked at houses, he looked into business locations, WE BOUGHT A CAR IN MY NAME to make room for our kids and the baby. Then... I lost the baby.

I took a step back finally and broke up with him a few days ago. Along with all of those events, he was constantly criticizing me. Not to sound pretentious, but I've never been criticized so harshly. I'm a darn good woman. I cook, I clean, I take care of my life myself without the help of anyone else. I run a business and have been very successful ON MY OWN. I'm extremely loving. Not selfish. Very appreciative and receptive to my partners needs. I feel like I will make someone very happy someday. Hopefully. But he was constantly on my case. I don't finish my food sometimes, he doesn't like my hair certain ways, I could gain MORE weight (what? I'm half african american and definitely have that half in my rear end and thighs!) I could be more confident, more this or that, my eating habits bothered him. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME STARTED TO BOTHER HIM. I tried so hard to please him. Nothing I did was good enough.

He was also a recovering alcoholic which I didn't know about. He has severe kidney and liver problems from it. But he told me it was from a severe salmonella infection. So whenever he would drink even one drink, he became this awful person. He said horrible awful things that he supposedly didn't remember the next day.

He was still seeing his ex behind my back. Stringing her along too. But he was constantly accusing me of cheating. He flipped out on me because I was "too friendly" with one of his customers when I introduced myself.

He would leave rude comments on my facebook page and if I asked him about it, he would say he was testing me and that I am too addicted to facebook. To delete my account.

I was on my phone too much (I own a business. I have to be. It was something HE said other women complained about with him and he was glad I understood the dynamic)


I feel like I enabled him. I was being patient and understanding because I felt as if I had no choice. Pregnant, no job, no house, etc. I was out of options. I am extremely mad at myself for not recognizing these things sooner. It is my belief that he was in an extreme manic mode when we met. He wasn't sleeping much. We would stay up until 2 am talking and he would message me again at 6am saying good morning, etc. He was taking me on lavish dates, showering me with gifts, spending money on everything. He had so much energy! He would make the hour drive 4 times a day just to see me. Then when things shifted, he was irritable. Felt awful. Would sleep until noon.
He also seemed to handle his alcohol just fine while manic. We both enjoy wine. he could drink it and be totally fine. Then one night after I moved there, he had a glass and was almost in blackout mode.

After dealing with 2 bipolar people in a relationship... all I can say is get the heck out. They will not change. It's too painful. Your life will be ruined and they DO NOT feel any remorse. They can't. They don't feel empathy. When I lost the baby... he didn't even come to see me. Or really ask how I was.
While he doesn't think he is bipolar, I have no doubt in my mind that he is. I made the mistake of staying with him, thinking he would change. I enabled. I allowed him to teat me poorly. I take the blame for that. Bipolar people are really blameless. They do not understand the far reaching effects of their actions. They don't have the mechanism to do so. They believe the world that they created in their heads.
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First Helper beenthere1962
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replied October 9th, 2012
Yes, yes, yes! He sounds like my certified bipolar "friend". He seems like two people, the charming manic one and the angry depressed one. His mother, who herself was severely bipolar and therefore understood other bipolar people, she had so many among her friends... she would stay away from them during their episodes and they would stay away from her during hers. The only people around her when she went nuts were her normal friends and some family members. They acted sort of like fire fighters walking into the fire. After doing that many times over a decade, I have found her formula for dealing with bipolars to be the more sensible.
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replied October 9th, 2012
Same problem, different gal
I just don't understand it. I too was in a bipolar relationship, but the first two years were fine. Actually they were magical. Then the bottom dropped out. I am a very passive person by nature and I didn't see what was happening because I was to close. I didn't know anything about the disorder so I was confused, hurt, panicky, you name it. He blamed me for everything wrong in his world when it couldn't be the furthest from the truth. I respected him, treated him kindly, and honestly. Last year he changed all together. I don't recognize the man that I fell in love with. He started ignoring me, pushing me away, and lying. Then he started playing head games. Stalking other woman. I tried so hard to win his approval and love back. It was totally exhausting. How could the man that professed his love to me do a 180 like that? I have been on the hellish rollercoaster ride now for two years. August he totally shut me out of his life. He text me that he doesn't love me and no longer is interested in me, MOVE ON. He has done too many hurtful things to go into, but it pretty much wouldn't surprise any one who dated someone who is bipolar as they have so much in common when it comes to how they abuse. It is strange to me that bipolar people think they are the victims. I scratch my head at that. I loved a man for 4 years to be treated so disrespectfully. I wouldn't treat any one this way, EVER. And it hurts me terribly because HE is the one that begged me to date him. I was doing fine on my own.
Sorry for the rambling, once I got started typing I was flooded with emotion.
The point is...I am crushed that someone who claimed to love me can just walk away without so much of an explanation and treat me like I don't exsist. It is a disgraceful way for someone to be treated. The one thing that keeps me sane is knowing that in time I will be okay and he has to live in his hell forever. I wish I could take the high road and say I wish him well, but I don't. For what he has done to me and others, I hope he lives a loney, pathetic life. He deserves nothing more.
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replied October 10th, 2012
I can totally relate. And thank you for responding. Mine always played the victim too! If I said anything in my defense, he would bring it up for months. All hurt over something tiny I said to defend myself while he was tearing me down. He still believes he did nothing wrong in our relationship. That it was somehow all my fault. And I too was fine without him. He sought ME out and pressured me into everything.
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replied October 9th, 2012
Oh, one more thing. Why do people want their bipolar partner back? If you are bipolar and go to therapy, are on medication, then yes, it may be worth it. But the guy I was with said he didn't need it. He was above all that and didn't like the side effects of medication. Well for me the answer is clear. Nothing was going to change and the outcome will be the same no matter who he is with. That is just who he is. I guess that explains 3 failed marriages and why he wanted to "live" together.
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replied October 11th, 2012
I agree! Why do people want these people back? It baffles me! My ex was medicated but he is still gets episodes and carries on in typical bipolar fashion. It's almost as if he isn't medicated. I can only imagine what he is like without them. But I digress. Who wants to endure all the torture all over again? SMH!
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replied October 19th, 2013
I have been married to a man with bipolar 2 for 25 years. Even if they are on medications it is NOT worth it. The meds have to be changed over time, during certain seasons and stressful periods the hypomania rears its ugly head and YOU WILL SUFFER!!! For anyone considering marrying a bipolar of ANY kind, I have 25 years experience, DO NOT DO IT!!! It is not worth it NO MATTER WHAT!!!! Read the blogs and know that the pain never ends. They can be extremely charming, loving and kind in the "in between periods" so I understand the love that you may have developed when you thought they were normal, however as they age those "good times" are fewer and fewer. This has been my experience and the experience of hundreds of people whom I have read and researched about. I have stayed with my husband because of my faith and beliefs about marriage. The day I met him feels like a curse even though I still have love for him and am thankful for our two grown children, whom also have lost respect for him. He has been a good provider financially, we have always had beautiful things and anything we could ever want that money could buy...would trade what I have for all of NOTHING to have not met and married him. The pain and suffering related to his hypomanic periods have been AWFUL!!! I want to be an advocate through my nursing profession to help those whom suffer from the emotional abuse of bipolar spouses. It is hard to find support groups to attend. These blogs have been the best thing in the world for me when I thought I was the one that was crazy at times.
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replied October 10th, 2012
NYIsland you are so right. I see all these people writing in forums how they are so unhappy yet want to be with their bipolar ex. The bipolar ex is incapable of a normal relationship. It will always be drama and more drama. The exciting new man/woman you met at the beginning of the relationship is not really who they are, but who they would like to be. Bipolar people can not do normal. Their brains are messed up chemically. They can try to alter it somewhat with medication, but it is a life long struggle. Most will go on and off it and create a disaster for any one they are with. Lacroix, reread your post. Your ex is not just bipolar, he is a mean, evil person. Stay the heck away from him. Don't let your children around this man. There is no telling what he is capable of. He's a first class liar and a loser.
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replied October 13th, 2012
Hi
I am writing now with a clear head, but I do suffer with missing my exgf who I feel is bipolar. Here is a list of what she did to me, want to see if you can relate:
1. treated me great then treated me poorly
2. started pushing me away when we got too close.
3. talked about all her exboyfriends and some of their intimacy. I told her it hurt but she kept doing it.
4. told me she loved having sex with me but I thought it was average. Then told me we were not having sex again and then wanted me again.
5. would be affectionate one day and then act like a total stranger next
6. dumped me, ran off with a guy for a week, and came back saying she wanted to get rid of me because she feels out of control with me and doesnt like it.
7. slapped me
8. threatened to call the cops on me when I told her I knew about her medications(celexa)
9. told me half stories all the time and then I would find out the truth on facebook
10. puts down all her friends, their husbands, ect and screamed like a crazy woman listing all of them at the same time how much she hates them.
11. told me she wasnt happy for anyones happiness.
12. yelled at restaurant worker because they were closed
13. told me all her horrible issues in the past but not really being upset when she told me-example she said she was raped in high school by a college guy. just thought I should know. I didnt know what to say.
14. told me the most hurtfull things like I a not in her heart, then come back and then break up with me again, then deny she ever said anything bad to me.
15. Her exbf died three years ago and I told her I would talk to her about it if she ever wanted to. They were only together for like three months before he died. All she said was yeah Im one of those girls who boyfriend died, whatever. I just couldnt beleive the disconnect. never said a nice thing about anyone.


the list goes on and on. I write this down and there is more but I long for the woman I thought I knew before we were intimate and cant find her. I am broken hearted and I am lonely without her. I try to move on but I am in love with the woman i met. she wont talk to me because I broke it off after she kept emotionally abused me. Im rambling, but I want to know if others can relate because I am feeling so bad inside like I failed as a man to show her I care. I did so much for her and she just looks at me like I am a stranger. We had such a good time in the beginning, what the hell happened. I was always good to her. she ended it
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replied October 13th, 2012
You are not alone
Dear hurtashell yes I can relate to you in the fact that you feel very hurt. I come to this forum to remind myself that it's not just me, because sometimes I can't help but think what he did was personal. When I come here I realize all over again that I'm not alone and somehow that helps me cope.

Here is a small portion of my ex's behavior.

- He pursued me and treated me like heaven. He took me to all the best places & spared no expense with me.

- He was honest from the very start about his illness and Bipolar medication.

- He made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. Told me we had the best sex ever. His friends told me how much he would gush about me and then he cheated on me with two different women within 2 months.

- He would talk about marriage and our future together, then a few days later he said he can't see a future with me.

- He would pray and thank God for me, then he would say we can't be together because of his strict religious background.

- He said he needed space, then came back 2 weeks later saying his life was miserable without me.

- He forgets what he says. He can be so mean and forget that he ever said or did anything mean to me.

- He would get criticize me for not showing enough skin and dressing more suggestively even when it was cold out.

- He would start acting very strange out of no where every 4 weeks, saying many confusing, hurtful things and then later apologize sheepishly blaming his illness.

- He said he wanted to get back with me, then said we should end it for good, then said he wanted us to stay together, all in one conversation.

- He said his life is lonely and I saved him by giving him meaning, then he said he doesn't want to be with anyone because he is meant to be alone and he can't love anyone.

- He was affectionate and kind one minute and irritable and cold the next.

- He started to ignore my calls and texts and then days later he would talk to me like nothing happened.

- He was a liar. His stories had too many inconsistencies.

- He smokes cigarettes and self medicates with marijuana. He is constantly high but he is in denial.

- He denies so many things he's done to me and gets angry denying they ever happened.

- He is paranoid and warned me to stay away from him but starts texting me days later looking for excuses to see me.

- The closer we got the more he pushed me away. He hates anyone who tries to be there for him.

- When I broke up with him he got defensive and said i tricked him into getting back with him in the first place. The reality is he is the one who always kept coming back saying he missed me and asked if i could be patient with his Bipolar because he didn't mean the cruel things he said.
The list goes on.
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replied October 14th, 2012
thanks
She kept telling me she had anxieities and needed her space. She told me she has a wall around her heart and wont let anyone in. she told me she needed a man she could yell at and him not take it personal. She asked me to come over when she was mad and I told her I would stay home if she needed a break, she said no she wanted me there, then I drive 40 minutes and requested that I leave, it was just control games and hurting my feelings all the time. She always tried to push me away. I hate it because the good times are what I am looking for, I know its not there, but I feel like she is just doing this to me. I have to remember she told me her ex thru her out on her butt the day she lost her job. Something isnt right. A caring man would never do that to a woman. She just acted so erratic with her push pull games. Hope this makes sense.
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replied October 14th, 2012
It is weird. My ex who I also think is bipolar also talked lot about his ex-girlfriends. Could this have something to do with the illness?
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replied October 14th, 2012
Wow -I'm so glad that I found these posts. By Bi-Polar Boyfriend just broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. After 5 years of being very close & never even having 1 argument & I am so sad. Like so many of you have said....the 1st year was fantastic. Then he witnessed a terrible car accident (he was an ER nurse) and after that he had a breakdown. Shortly after that he was diagnosed with PTSS and Bi-Polar. Over the last 4 years he has tried numerous medications - but none of them have come close to making life somewhat normal.I have been with him to the Drs, the Hospital, made sure that his medications didn't run out, and taken care of him & his 2 kids they were with him. We had talked about getting married many times over the years...and in the last 6 months he had mentioned it a couple of times - and I said "No". We never sat down & discussed this - he just decided that if I didn't want to marry him that he needed to find someone that did. I was totally blindsided when he told me that he wanted me to be his friend - but not his girlfriend anymore. I tried to explain to him that I did want to marry him - but I needed him to be stronger. But it is too late....he is not in love with me anymore & there is nothing that we can do to fix this. I feel like I am the crazy one....I still want to hold onto that dream that he will one day be the man he was when I met him...I just don't know how to let go. It has been a month since I have spoken to him and everyday I think that he will wake up & realize what he has done...but it hasn't happened & I am pretty sure that it is not going to. Part of me is scared that he will change his mind - I know that living with the depression that he has had for the past 4 years, along with panic & anxiety attacks would be an emotional nightmare.
I am trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of him - I'm going to a Therapist, going to church, praying a lot and I know that it will get easier - I just don't know when.
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replied October 14th, 2012
Im sorry we are all going thru this. I am coming to the reality that my ex has issues that I cant control. When things got close, I knew the hammer was coming down with some kind of hit to hurt my feelings. I own my own company and she has a ton of facebook fans being in radio. She said she wanted to help me with my company but would NOT put my cool ad up on there. But she did help people I know and they were strangers. She also told me half stories, but she texted me all the time. hated that. I wanted to talk and laugh, but then she would start to critisize me for no reason. When I found her drugs by accident she threatened to call the cops on me. I was pissed at her actions to me so I said I knew about the medications. It freaked her out and she told me she was calling the cops. I couldnt beleive it. I texted her a lot because I couldnt beleive it and tried explaining line by line how it happend. Two days later she goes back to me but she is just pounding me with her critisisms. She exploded on me saying we were not having sex anymore and that I was not in her heart that she doesnt think of me that way and that she doesnt trust her ability to choose a man. Her boyfriend known for a short time but still a boyfriend, had died. I knew about it and accepted it for the most part. She just wouldnt stay stable with me. I dont know if this makes sense but she told me that she kept coming back because I understand. I do understand, so why wont she come back to me and go at a pace. I hate this disease. I hate how you never knew what was going to happen next. So damn erratic to where you are wore thin and have to ask what is going on? Can you relate?
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replied July 8th, 2014
Experienced User
sure can. hang in there.
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replied April 26th, 2014
Hope it helps...
Hi everyone,

I have a similar but somehow different experience. All the relationship I had until two years ago have been wonderful and with very amazing and loving men, so when I met what will become my ex BPbf I had no clue. I'm a very strong person by nature but also very very caring. When I met him we immediately clicked at the intellectual level and I found him to be the sweetest person ever, he start pursuing me testing me everyday and telling me he missed me, but always through distance, by message, text etc...he indeed kept speaking of his ex as they were horrible and he was the victim and I really felt for him because instead I felt so lucky I had such wonderful exes which were still my best friends...little by little I felt in love with what I thought was the sweetest man on earth, he wasn't! The closer we got the more he pushed away, he kept saying I was far from his league, that I deserved more and that he isn't a good person, then when I took distance because as I said I'm strong and do not like mind game, he was running after me with presents, being sweet etc...we would have the most amazing sex and he had really strong reactions to that, he also was pretty jealous when someone else would try with me and he was around. The back and forth of I love you, or no I don't drained me of my strength and I never have been so thin like in that period. Then he told me he was speaking all the time with another woman, so I told him to be with her because it meant I wasn't enough for him, he then told the other was dating someone else...well I thought the worst was behind us, although I found myself wanted to take distance from him as often as possible, taking any excuse to travel and be away, evidently my internal defence was working for me even when I didn't realise it. We are now broken up and he is now with the woman he was talking to during our period together, I met him and was actually happy for him if that would make him finally happy, but clearly he wasn't happy at all...he too did not want to seek therapy although he admitted he should have...he also acted always like a victim and the more I was nice the more he didn't respect me, that because he did not have a high self-esteem...in summary he tried to bring me down with him and when he sucked all energy he left me alone...he clearly kept coming back but I put my foot down and took complete distance clearly with the help of amazing friends....funny thing he treated me as he was the left one and the one suffering, while he was so emotionally abusive I cannot even start to say in how many ways....

What I'm trying to say is 'you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped' and even if I never have been selfish I learnt that sometime is the only thing you can really do. I two other BP, with one nothing happened at all and I just tried to be a friend and it ended up with him stalking me...had to stop seeing him altogether. Now I met another BP who told me straight away he was diagnose with it few years ago, after I kind of spot some signs, and I'm not ashamed to say I took complete distance. I would be still willing to be there as a friend for this last guy, who is taking medications and is trying to live his life in the best way, but nothing more because it would be only pain and sufferance and I learnt my lesson.

I know now you are suffering and asking yourself whether you did something wrong, whether you were not enough or what you did wrong. Let me tell you, you didn't, it is just their condition, think about it, you are not the first and will not be the last failed relationship in their life, move on, and believe me what you are feeling could be love but also could be partly addiction to something that is not that good for you. Your heart and body is searching for more but switch on your mind and no it would be only bad for you.

Hope this is of any help...give to it time and it will be ok again.
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replied May 10th, 2014
I understand your pain. My husband of 20 years is fantastic 98% of the time but that 2% is rough. He has been that way for all the time I've known him. It's like I can see it coming, he will get irritated over just one wrong word, I'll back up and back off to keep a blowout from occurring. It will eventually come, most of the time over something so silly, it is almost laughable. There is NO reasoning with him when he has an explosion...I just go to a building outside, leave or whatever....in a few hours, he'll be over it and life goes on. What he doesn't realize is that one of these days, I will leave and not come back again. Will he regret it?....yes....Will it never happen again?...no
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replied May 12th, 2014
Love what one of the other posters said about being out of control. It's hard to realize that you don't get a say, that you're not in control. In my experience, their illness often prevents them from realizing what they're doing doesn't make any sense. And often (this is hard to accept), they don't really care the same way we do. That's because they rationalize the behavior (if they are aware) away somehow. So to them, it makes perfect sense that they've cut you out of their life. They can be extremely manipulative and often it is to get what they want. Once they have what they want, they may move on to other things. That you have feelings isn't really a consideration. And believe me, I've seen how amazingly calculating and cold-blooded they can be. Relationships are hard enough with healthy, well adjusted people. Imagine what life will be like for them for the rest of their lives.
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Users who thank beenthere1962 for this post: deadblue 

replied July 7th, 2014
I can't thank you enough for this informative article.

I even like the comments.

To answer a few of your questions about why someone would want a bipolar ex back, well I am here to tell you, lol.

I feel so guilty for my part of whatever went wrong and I never felt like I got a chance to make it right. He moved on and got married so fast after we broke up.

It killed me. Put me into a psyche ward even, because my heart was so broken.

I made mistakes too. I got pretty clingy when he broke up with me because I was
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replied July 7th, 2014
because I was so blindsided by his sudden change in personality.

He had been the one pursuing me for months and months and I finally gave in and let my guard down. Within a year of me giving in and being in a relationship with him he stopped his meds and didn't tell me. Became crass and insensitive. Stopped being loving. Would leave my house early and I got super paranoid so I snapped at him a few times and swore a few times at him, and when I freaked out he just walked away. I tried for months to apologize and make it right because he kept holding my temper over my head. I had never had a temper problem with him before but he saw me and my ex argue some.

Once he went off his meds he went from biggest fan or supporter to the biggest traitor to me. He would side with my ex who was emotionally abusive and he used to always be on my side and see things as they were, me getting treated like crap.

He went from best frend to manipulative boyfriend to ex to enemy.

I guess I wish that I had stayed more cool and let him go and hopefully he would have come back at which time I would have insisted that he get back on all his meds and see a shrink.

I never got that chance because I feel like I screwed it up by being so emotional, but he was beckoning someone so evil so it was really hard not to bite back to his manipulations.
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replied July 8th, 2014
Experienced User
kikiromano
you did not screw up. It's only how you feel right now but it's not true. It's being in the relationship with him. It's toxic.
hope you take care of yourself. It's your turn to have a good life.You are worth it. believe me.
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replied January 27th, 2015
Same thing happened to me. He pursued me. I kept saying it was not a good idea and he charmed his way in and we had a great 6 months of what i thought was a sincere and amazing time.he really studied me to get me to love him. playing only my music, taking me pkaces that he guessed i would like and he was dead on...he read me so well. Then one day, BAM...he switched personalities and shut down but still very aware and attentive but outward annoyed by me..and major anger phases...one minute being amazing and so attentive and then all of a sudden lashing out about something that is not really a big deal. I got dumped in November and as much as I tried to "be there" I was told to move on and He does not have feelings anymore. I think they don't want us to see them like this. His features changed. He looked exhausted and said he was sorry he hurt me but please go away and move on.this one was protecting me I think... he was truely a smart, extremely good looking charming polite guy. He kept saying over and over he doesnt want a relationship. I think they push us away when they start to fall for us...but it still hurts and now I am in depression and trying my best to overcome. How long does heartbreak last. I think that it is best this way but the abandonment is treacherous. I feel so shocked and alone.
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replied February 16th, 2015
This will never end guys....I can't believe I went back to someone who told me he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't see himself marrying me, after a month he came back saying he misses me and wants to try again and he has changed. I believed him and its been a week, he's so cold then warm, then cold....I can't do this anymore. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. I have a child I still need to see grow....It will take time to heal but I really am done, he will drive me to a mental institute like he did with his ex, even though he denies he was responsible for it....Im hurting and yet feel so lucky that it's not too late for me to make things right for myself...
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replied June 26th, 2017
I thought i was the only one going through this but reading everyone on here story sounds so much like mine . I dont know what to do i been woth my boyfriend going on 2 years well its like every other month we split up and im moving out and a werk later moving back iys a roller coster ride and he says its all me but its not . One minute we are perfect and then i get a text message and he changes saying im aleays on my phone but im not i even vhanged my number so only famliy would have it thats what he wanted and i get maybe 5 text a hole day and its my kids . But he will go to the bathroom with his phone and be in there for over 30 min on his phone setting on the tolet . Im dont know what to do i camt make him see what hes doing .
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replied June 26th, 2017
Everyones storys sound just like mine . I want to leave i gave everything i had up for i let my home go i sold my car moved in with him every thing he asked me to do . So i feel helpless i dont know who i am anymore . I have never let someone control me and gave everything up gor him . And the more i do for him the worst he treats me . Hes even hit me blacked my eye . I dont think he will do it again . I dont know how to walk away i just dont understand nothing any more dont know me at all .
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