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im Paranoid Schizophrenic (Page 1)

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im cory, just joined, i thought this plac would be good to set my sights. im not on meds ...yet. i personally think meds are a way to control people all based down from the governments twisted penis-eyes plot for domination,which is already present. for people always wondering whats it like, here it goes here is whats in my head~

a song plays in your head and suddenly your whole reality is around this song, every action, thought, movement, reaction. its controls you. theres a voice in my head that warns me when to go, when to look, when to wait. it talks to me, it is my mentor. if i am crazy then so be it, better to be crazy and sent to an asylum then be a follower of a corrupted nation venting for power masking itself patriotic, people lose site for what they are fighting for anymore. anyways, i smoke and the voice tells me when stop for a while when smoking incase of getting cancer, so when it says ok your safe, go ahead, i continue. im very suspicous of other people's motives, their thoughts, their facial expressions tell all. i believe that i am a god in becoming. once i have attained full Deitus, i will walk on water, i will command fire, i will have followers bowing to my will. i firmly believe christianity doesnt exist only in the mind of weak men, free yourself, and you will becom one with the divine flame. i guess you can say im obsessed with power fortune fame and love. theres a girl who i am obsessed about. i think of her constantly i cannot let her go, for there is no other. im very isolated i light candles and incense and sit in the middle of my room smoking a cigarette talking to myself about my future and how successful i am. often times when the phone rings i fear that its the police calling about me, or an agent knows that i know, so i fear he sits outside my house in a car looking at me. when im on a plane i see the right side of the wing rip off and see people falling towards the city, then the woman says can i get you a drink and everything goes back to how it normally was. i can forsee the future. if i am in an elevator i imagine the pullies breaking and me falling to my death. or in school i see someone shotting up the school and im the hero. thats a gist i guess and specific questions to help you understand more i would love to answer them, after all i love talking about myself:) my therapist i dont think knows what he talks about, but i know, and its killing me friom telling my family..
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replied March 4th, 2009
WE ARE VERY ALIKE, IM 29 HOW OLD ARE YOU
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
OMFG everything u have said is what i am thinking!!! I'm starting on meds soon (well that's what my parents think, personally i think they are trying to drug me and brainwash me to be their "perfect" son cus my sis was such a screw-up). I'm 15, and i've bin this way for about 1 and a half years now.
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
The voices in my head constantly talk to me, and show me, the future. In my head i see hundreds of possible outcomes from the situation. It happens constantly and i cant stop it
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
can i ask why you would think that your parents are trying to 'drug' you??? i mean i know in your world drugs are a way to 'control' you as iv read one of you say, but in my world, thoi do not have any 1 problem you all say you have so im just trying to understand, drugs are there to help the 'problem' do you not think?? xxx
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
No not that kind of drugs. for about a year, i havent taken any kind of medication, because the voices tell me that they will wipe my memory. I know this isnt true, but i cant bring myself to take any kind of medication. I also make all my own drinks, because sometimes it looks as if my parents are slipping somthing into it
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
ok i understand, im sorry if u think im being nosey, but its something im fasinated by, the thought of someone elses world being so totally different from my own if you can understnd, so can i ask, if you say you know its not the case that the medication will wipe your memory why cant you bring yourself to take it?? and do your parents love you? have a good relationship with them or??? personally the only people in the world i would trust with my life are my parents tho this seems not to be the case for you??? i suppose im interested in this kind of thing as iv recently split with the only man iv ever really loved because he seemed to have as i say a different reality to me, i mean himself he used to smoke alot of 'weed' which apparently has a link to paranoid schitzophrenia, so i suppose im just tryin to understand more than anything xxx
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
I dont take any drugs, and i do have a family history of schizophrenia, so its nothing like that. Yes i love my parents, but i cant trust anyone. i dont know why, i just cant. This isnt help by the fact that they recently found out that i am mentally unwell, and nothings changed. They simply ignore the topic. They have also start acting strangely, whispering more, and after eating dinner one night i had a particularly bad hallucination. This has put many suspitions into my head, and because of the voices and the fact that i already feel like im thinking hundreds of thoughts at once, it is hard to dismiss.
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
dont worry i dont think ur nosy
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
u sound just like my pshychiatrist lol
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
how long have you felt like you do then for them t have recently found out? im sure if you say there whispering its just because there concerned about you n if your ok, thats parents for you, i mean im a parent myself so i know its gotta be hard o them to knowing that there child has such an issue that really they cant help with tho theyd more than likely do anythin it takes to help! i mean i can kind of understand what your going thru frm my own experiences when i was alot younger, i mean i dont have the same thing and it never was the same thing but i used to have anxiety attacks every single day from the age of 14 till around 19 untill they got ess n less frequent till i was 21 when they finally stopped n this was a feeling that i was going to die, i mean i know i wasnt n there was nothing wrong with me but id constantly check my pulse n look at myself in the mirror t see what was happening n had not so much hillucinations as visions of death happening and dreams of it tho myself i knew it wasnt real, so not the same as you but i can kind of understand on some level, so have you had it diagnosed then seeing as your only so young??? xxx
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
I have had these problems for years, but only really become aware of them quite recently (about 3/4 of a year ago). I have seen a counseller and a psychiatrist, and in the near future (1 mont) i am seeing a mental health place. I don't know what will happen, and im frightened, especially as this could screw up the rest of my life. I find it difficult to think properly at times, an i see shadows coming round corners when no one's there. I also hear voices telling me that everyone is against me, and that i should hurt myslef and kill others. I really hope that this mental help place can help me, because it is getting harder to function in real life.
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
i am also withdrawing from my friends, and having severe moments of depression. In generally i'm losing sight of how to live in the real world.
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
aww hun i can totally sympathise, tho im sure sympathy isnt what your after! please dont be frightened though, im sure if you let people help you it will see you through this, n i think thats one of the main things you could really do with, not being on your own, which is i suppose probably why your on here chatting to people who can understand, n althought it more than likely wont help just to hear it but there is no one against you, if anythin im sure its just people wanting to help you! do you ever try n concentrate on telling yourself that these voices you here arent really there, or arent real? has that ever helped u?? listen if you ever want to talk to someone whos not going through what you are so you can see things from a different perspective, give me a shout, im on here alot so wil b about!! hope your ok xxx
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
i don't actually think that my parents quite realise what it is i have. ill explain to them when they get home
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
Ty uv bin a big hlp. Ye, i have tried to tell myself they arent real, but that is usually when they get bad, and i find it hard to concentrate on nything then
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
yeah i can see what your saying hun! and i think explaining as much as you can to your parents is definitely a step in the right direction, at least then you know youve got someone there who understands, whenever you need them! im sure thats all they want to do! x
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replied July 17th, 2009
Experienced User
ye, but i cant be sure, for reasons explained above. I think until i see this mental health place im gunna be extremely paranoid about them
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replied July 18th, 2009
Experienced User
Everyone whisper, the government is listening to us right now. I think i'm freaking out.
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replied July 18th, 2009
It seems like there is a lot of people with paranoid schizophrenia who think the government is listening to them. I used to think they were controlling me with a type of mind control that was causing all my symptoms. Yet believe it or not, the government has bigger things to contend with than you or me or any other citizen for that matter. Truth is that they probably do not even know who you are and they cannot get inside your mind no matter how much you might think they can.

You may or may not be someone who is becoming a god but you can always be your own god - the most powerful person in your own life and accept the help of those who have been sent to you to do so.
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