Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

im not mentally healthy but it is so up and down.

i just dont know, im a 17 year old boy who turns 18 this summer.
i dont know whats wrong with me, but i do know im not mentally healthy but it is so up and down. and i just think so much and i feel lonely alot. like i have friends, but not how i want it to be. often i feel like the friends i have is my best friends, but fot them im just a friend and also that they or other people dont like me. like if i text a friend or try to call with no luck i keep thinking that they dont like me, that they are ignoring me because they dont want to be with me. how it is i dont know. and i feel like i overthink alot. and im not sure if i have friends or not, it started in 8th grade(now in 12th), i started a new school and i sat home alot, but i had a couple of friends to be with at school, but i was never with them outside of school. it got better the next year and was that for a while. i also feel like i am depressed but just for periods, it could be for hours, a day or days. but alot of the time i am fine. and that make me doubt, do i need help or not?. and im unsure of so much. when im down i think that i need help and that this is not normal, feeling lie this. but then things are better for a while. im actually a foreing exchange studnet living in the US for the school year and will go back in a month, been here in 9 now. it definitly got worse after i came here, atleast for a while, i had major depressions a couple of times and spent all mye time after school in my room till i went to bed and i was tired all the time, just wanting to sleep.the depressions was for a week or two at a time. i hated it here, i didnt want to go home, but i didnt/dont like living in a small town. im still here and things are better, but im still not all good and i know something is wrong.today was kind of a hard day too, i kind of look forward to go back and have imagined the scene meeting my family at the airport over and over again, thinking i would just cry or something and hug them. i was skyping with my mom and my brother and i said i expected them all there at the airport, but that was apparently stupid ( they didnt actually say that), i land in the morning on a tuesday and eventhough they have a job i expected that they could take a day o or a couple of hours to meet me at the airport, but apparently i couldnt expect that and i would see them after work, like 7 hours after, i know i probably sound like a brat, but i just want that moment seeing them again after almost a year, i dont want just my mom to get me and go home like its nothing and i thought they thought more of it then that. my selfconfidence is also not good, and i feel like its getting worse. like i realize more and more how ugly i am, also thinking im a failure in life. i can spend hours listening to music and just thinking. i know atleast now that i would never kill myself, because im kind of scared of death and i think about it alot and i think about suicide, how i jsut want to do it but i know i wont, they are just thoughts......atleast for now. i have had thoughts like that forever, i can remember being a little kid, fightning with my brother and after have thoughts like that. but i do think it has gotten worse atleast lately. but it is just so up and down with all of this, and that makes me so unsure and thats why im now here. hoping someone could tell me more about what is wrong with me, if there is?. alot of this probably doesnt make sense, but hope people get what i mean
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replied May 6th, 2013
I think you need to quit focusing on other people and how you feel they perceive you and focus instead on yourself.
(Of course this isn't to say you should be completely selfish and hurt others!)

Find hobbies/activities you thoroughly enjoy and immerse yourself in them. Doing this will occupy your attention and prevent your mind from deviating towards negative thoughts.

You know the old saying "Don't worry, be happy!". Just have fun and enjoy life by doing things you like.

In order to boost your confidence try socialising with women more. I doubt you are actually ugly because you mention that you think you are "more and more ugly".
I think this is a consequence of your depressed state of mind rather than your actual physical appearance.
I believe you'll find that when you socialise with women you'll find your confidence increasing and yourself becoming more happy/relaxed.
This is one of the proven benefits of having relations/friendships with women.

Also remember that you are only 17. You have your whole life ahead of you. What you are experiencing now in this crummy phase called teenagehood has no relevance to your future.

The outside world is teeming with adventures and opportunities for your to enjoy and excel in. You can always change who you are. The only limiting factor is yourself.

God bless and good luck friend.
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