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im in a mentally abusive relationship and im looking for others

I have been with my boyfriend for almost six years. I dont even know how were still together because of all the bull that we've have gone through. He's mentally abusive to me and I know I knew I need to leave him. Of course it didn't start off like this. If anything when we first met I thought he was a "breath of fresh air" because of the stress I was going thru with my first sons father. Within the first kr second year of our relationship he cheated on me with an ex, had sex with a friend and liked another girl. I only found this out because I read his journal although I shouldn't have I'm glad I did. I left him for awhile after I found out but we got back together. I knew because of all that happened with the infidelity I wasn't gonna be the same towards him but I still wanted to give him a try because I loved him that much at the time. Lets not forget that he used to drink alot and I was dealing with that as well. I said the mental abuse started around year 3 maybe 4. He always say things to down me or say everything is my fault and etc. My mother passed away two years ago and u would think he would be alot more nicer to me and he's not. He gets so angry and says the meanest and hurtful things to me. Everytime were in public he'll yell so loud so ppl can here him, its like he purposely does that to enjoy the pleasurement of embarrassing me. He makes me so angry that I sometimes can't stand him. I feel like he's weighing me down and holding me back I life honestly. I need to leave him I know that for a fact. I dont have anyone to talk to about this because everyone thinks that our relationship is perfect and ita really not. I'm his wondering if theirs anyone else thats going thru this so I can have someone to relate to about this because I'm tired of crying all the time because I feel so alone.
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