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im 13 and we want a baby (Page 1)

hi, im 13 and me and my boyfriend have seriously been thinking about having a baby. I know you guys will try and talk me out of it but im set on my desition. Now on finacial things, he will be 16 this July and he has many cars. He kinda has a job, he is a boxer and get a lot of money for fighting. I know you all are like omg youreonly 13 and hes 16 there is no way you can have a baby at your age.

i need to know how to prepare for the baby and how to tell my parents once i know i am pregnant. But we are going to wait till summer for sex.
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First Helper c907
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replied April 20th, 2010
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No one on this forum is going to tell you that it is a good idea to have a child at 13, so don't expect any congratulations or praises. This forum is not designed to help teens become pregnant or okay teens to get pregnant. No one on here is going to advocate you purposefully getting pregnant at your age. This forum was designed for teens that are already pregnant or who are parents of children, it was designed for those teens to share experiences and advice when it comes to pregnancy and parenting, a place where they could vent their frustrations, a place where they can talk to other teens in similar situations, not a place where they can help other teens purposefully get knocked up.

I will answer your questions only because I don't think you understand the true work a baby involves. It is not just about money.

First off, the guy says he will stay with you, he can and may change his mind at any time. This happens more often than not. You need to be prepared to be a single mother just in case this happens.

Secondly, who will watch the baby while you are in school? You plan on your parents doing that? What if they tell you no? They don't have to watch YOUR baby, that is your responsibility, not theirs.

Where is the medical insurance going to come from? How about life insurance for yourself, your boyfriend and your baby? Do you know how much a casket or cremation costs for a baby in your area? Babies DO die every day. Prematurity, SIDS, abuse at the hand of a relative/babysitter/even a partner that is frustrated, illnesses. Are you mentally prepared for the worst? Could you mentally handle your baby dying?

What about a baby with special needs? Could you handle a mentally or physically challenged child? A child with mental disorders such as ADHD, OCD, ODD, or Autism?

What if your boyfriend's "kinda" job falls through? What if he cannot box due to illness or injury? Where does the money come from then?

How about your own health? What happens if you get sick or severely injured? What will become of your child?

How will you pay for your college as well as save up for your child's future? Tuition for your child, savings for your child?

You are 13 years old, your body is not even done developing. Do you realize that having a baby this young can cause permanent damage to you? Do you realize that having a baby at ANY AGE can cause damage to a woman? Pregnant women die every day due to complications. So do unborn babies. Women die each day while trying to give birth. Do you even know what types of complications may arise? Have you thought about what pregnancy does to your body? Have you thought about what a complicated pregnancy can do to a fetus? Do you know what pre-eclampsia is? Gestational diabetes? Cholestasis of Pregnancy? Incompetent cervix? Polyhydramnios/Oligohydramnios? HELLP syndrome? Intrauterine growth restriction? Placenta previa/placenta accreta? Rh incompatibility? Toxoplasmosis of pregnancy? (you want information, I suggest you look these up, some may be rare, may not affect you, but you have a risk of developing one or more of these complications, just as every other pregnant teen/woman does: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy complications/) These are all dangerous but very real diseases/syndromes/processes/complications that can affect ANY pregnant woman, sometimes for no reason...are you willing to risk your life right now? The life of your unborn child?

Can you honestly tell yourself that you are prepared for the worst, even if the best is what happens? Can you honestly tell yourself that you would be doing right by your child by having a baby right now? Can you honestly say that you have thought ALL of the things I have mentioned through, in addition to the basic things one needs to think about when planning for a child (food, finances, emotional/mental/physical maturity, housing, clothes)?

You may think you are ready, but in reality, you are probably not. What is so bad about waiting until you graduate and have school and your teenage years behind you before making the leap into parenthood?
There is not much in this world that is more permanent than parenthood, it is a life commitment. Barring any type of forced relinquishment (in cases of abuse or neglect) or consented relinquishment of your child (you giving the child up for adoption or you consenting to temporary placement of child with a family member if you are ill or temporarily unfit to take care of the child), that child will be your responsibility until the day you die. Even when your child grows up, you may not be responsible for his/her actions, but any decent parent will tell you that advice and contact does not end at your child's 18th birthday. Even if your relationship with your child is rocky or falters, it is your responsibility as a parent to support them. Even if they decide to cut off contact with you, it is still your responsibility to be there waiting if one day they should change their mind.

Forget telling your parents WHEN you become pregnant...why don't you tell them of your plan to get pregnant? That way, you are at least being honest with them and not deceiving them. It is one thing to become pregnant on accident and have to break the news to your parents. It is a totally different thing to PLAN to become pregnant at 13, then pretend it was accidental and LIE. If you are counting on your parents to support you, lying is a good way to convince them to NOT support you. You can make it look like an accident, sure. But your parents may find out otherwise. A slip of the tongue by you, your boyfriend, your friends, your boyfriend's friends...that is all it will take. Then what? Are you actually willing to ruin your relationship with your parents, the trust they have in you, all of this for a baby that you purposefully planned behind their backs? They won't want to support you, they would most likely resent you for your deceit. Planning a baby at 13 behind your parents' backs shows your lack of maturity.

Also, depending upon where you live, your parents could press charges on your boyfriend for statutory rape or child molestation. For example, if you live in Texas, since you are under the age of 14, you cannot give legal consent, he is older than 14. That could be considered child molestation or statutory rape, depending upon which Romeo and Juliet Law exceptions the State of Texas has in place. (Here is a global age of consent chart: http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm ) Are you prepared for that?
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Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: Moo 

replied April 22nd, 2010
Especially eHealthy
How about you tell your parents right now that you want a baby. That way, maybe they'll let your boyfriend move in so you can try all you want. Or wait... do you think they might say something different? Hmm.
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replied April 22nd, 2010
That is very selfish of you, to have a baby at 13. A child deserves to be born into a family of adult, married parents who can properly care for them.
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replied June 5th, 2012
you can have a baby at 13 or 14 cuz my best friend is 14 and she is having a baby girl and im going to be a auntie at frist i was mad when i found out from other friends she was scared to tell me an d i asked her and she said yes im having a baby and she found out she is havin a baby girl and now im so happy be we didnt stop being best friends we r still best friends im so happy for her Smile
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replied April 29th, 2010
I no you may want a child, but please wait, think you will loose your child hood your education, dont u want a good career giving a child the best life, and not having to ask off your parents for money for food nappies. Babies are hardwork not all cuddles and fun. I have one and one on the way yeh i wont say i dont love my son but if could turn back time and go to univeristy and complete my degree i would love to now i am struggling and im 19 with qulaifications babies grow up and need thing every week.Are u willing to give up your sleep every night for over a year... you will end up with wrinkles by the age of 20.
I am asking plz just considering what you will be doing to yourself and and to that child you are thinking about, what if that child need extra care for some reason could you handle it...
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replied May 5th, 2010
Latasha H
Hi my name is Latasha, I really wish you would rethink your decision! First. Why are you wanting a baby so badly. I believe this is something you really need to give thought to. You are so young! I was really young when I had my first child also. I was only 11 years old when I became pregnant with my first child, and fourteen years old when I became pregnant with my second. It was really hard rasing these babies alone. Yes! I am saying alone. We have a picture in our minds that we are going to have the most beautiful babies the world has ever seen. A little person that can love and accept us more then any one else has ever loved us. Which bring me to say that you are looking for love in all the wrong places. You will not truly fufilled the void within yourself by hoping someone, or something can do it for you. I have said I became pregnant with my first child when I was only eleven years old. She was born a very beautiful child, but she was also born a very sick child. She was born with severe heart problems. She has had three open heart surgeries, and several strokes all before she was eleven years old. We often think of the good side to having a baby, but we never take time to consider what can happen to our beautiful child once it is born. I am not sure if my child was born sick, because of my age, but I know it sure did not help. I spent so much of my life watching my child suffer. Which has not only taken so much of my life, but hers also. Not to mention the guy that told me that he would be there for me left. Yes it all made since to me also how we were going to raise our child. He had cars money, a good job, but my second child can tell you that she really does not know her father. My first child was a result of a rape. I wrote a book called In His Hands. Go get it out the stores book a million, barnes and nobles, amazon. I do believe you will be blessed to understand that sometimes life isn''t what you think!
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replied May 11th, 2010
hey, i think you are a very mature girl for making that decision. im 13 years old too and in year 8 and i also really want to have a baby, even though im still single. i think if you want to a have a baby now with your boyfriend you should do it, just make sure that you love him first. have your baby, girl! good luck.
love Elle
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replied April 18th, 2011
okay listen 13 year old who want to have a baby, think about you life from then on.. think about wanting hang out with your friends, going to parties, hanging out , whatever you ant, if you have a baby, your teenage life is pretty much down the drain. if you really want a baby, go ahead and have one, im not gonna be the one with a stetched out vaj, or maybe have my kid taken away by CPS (child protective services) because you or your parents cant take care of her/him. Listen, im 14, and im pregnant with my first child. but i believe in god, and it was an accident, i was stupid, and didnt use a condum, and pre cum got me. if you want a baby, just wait. enjoy your teenage years while you can, cus they will be the best years of your life, but if you have a baby, things might not turn out so good. from a teen to a teen, wait until your older to have kids.
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replied June 5th, 2012
i want a baby to im just turning 14 years old on July 28th
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replied May 20th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
elle7201 wrote:
i think if you want to a have a baby now with your boyfriend you should do it, just make sure that you love him first.

Not really a very mature thing to say. There is more to having a baby than just wanting one.

Financially how are you going to support a child at 13? It is NOT your parents responsibility to provide housing, clothing, food and so forth for their grandchildren. It is selfish to just assume that you will continue to live off your parents yet not even consider the potential impact having a child would have on them.

How would you finish school? Assume for a moment that your parents don't provide free childcare for you, how will you study? My child is full time in nursery and it's almost £1000 per month. It's not free, look into it.

Can you provide the best life for a child? Try thinking at it from a child's perspective.
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Users who thank Moo for this post: motherofhighspiritedones 

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replied May 20th, 2010
PARENTS in there 20s and 30s struggle to cope with parenthood. Wanting a baby at the age of 13 is ridiculous and actually quite selfish. Listen to all the advice and seriously think about it.
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Users who thank Mommyk1234 for this post: Moo 

replied June 3rd, 2010
ok. i had my kids when i was 14, im now 15, and they were rape babies. Its 4 months later, my body still looks like a mess even though i have been working my way back into olympic training mode. i am watching the adoptive parents of my children and i see the amount of money and care and time it takes to raise children. just because he has many cars does not mean he can raise children! and if you think he will STAY with you once you have your kid, you are most likely sadly mistaken. also, income from one part time job will not be nearly enough to cover it. you cannot expect your parents to continue to house you and feed you AND your child. take 2 steps back, think about this again, and then come back with some maturity.
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replied June 7th, 2010
Experienced User
Get a fish instead...
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replied June 9th, 2010
wait until marriage, sunshine, be stable about this...not having a father figure is tuff on a little kid, sure you get over it when you realize how good you have it but at the time it sucks. how long have you been with the guy and his he "till death do us part material?"
if you wouldnt be able to spend the rest of your life with him, dont even have protected sex with him and wait till marriage.
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replied June 12th, 2010
do not have a baby at 13 years old. your a child you have no idea about being pregnant, labour or raising a child yourself. im 19 and im pregnant and its the hardest thing ever trying to prepare yourself financially. im an adult and im finding it hard so you will find it ten times harder. your bf maybe a boxer but my fiance has 3 jobs and we still struggle!
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replied July 14th, 2010
Im 20 and i had my son when i was 16. And this little girl is 13 and wants a baby. A baby is a big responsibility. You waste like $300 a week on diapers, $300 on formula, etc. You dont even know how to spell and you want a baby.
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replied July 15th, 2010
sweetheart, if you cant even spell half the words right in your post, what makes you think you are smart enough to take care of a baby? your 13, why are you having sex anyways??? having a baby at the age of 13 is NOT cute. its not flattering, its embarrassing to you, and to your parents. Think about how your parents will feel when people start to tell them how can they let their 13 year old daughter be so promiscuious and get knocked up.
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replied July 21st, 2010
heyy i really get what your saying im 13 and im going out with a 16 year old too xx well really every one thats commented on this are saying no and stuff but i agree with what you are saying and i get how u feel... i want a baby now at the age of 13 and i dont know how to tell my mum and dad ... well people will tell u that your mates will hate you your mum and dad will hate you and that he will leave u but your mates will stick by u if they are true your mum and dad will be upset and stuff but they will love you and support u no matter what and well if yor boyfriend really loves you he will stick by u and be there for ya xx when i first talked about it with my mum she got a bit angery and sad but she understood in the end xx so really u should just sit down and talk to ya mum thats all i can say really xx
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replied April 28th, 2011
same im 13, going out with a 16 and we really want a baby, i mean,we already named it if it was a girl!! we decided at least wait a year and if we r really going good with or relationship, then we will try for one. i can tell he really likes me, and i really like him to. but i reacon take a deep breath and think it over, because thats wat im going to do before we try for one.
xx
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replied July 22nd, 2010
I think your crazy. you're barely a teenager. this is not the right thing to bring a baby into. please rethink your decision. r u ready to give up all the fun and partying that comes with being in your teenage years or even your 20's. parenting is a full time job, not just when you want it to be
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replied November 29th, 2010
Please tell me this is a joke. You will miss out on so many things. Enjoy life... Enjoy each other... Enjoy your your friends... Enjoy the world... And maybe 5 years from now... Have a baby.
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replied April 3rd, 2011
I'm sixteen and want a baby. I know I'm not mature enough, so instead of going ahead and getting laid, I'm beginning to save up money for when I'm older so I can financially support a child, caring for my little sister as much as possible and doing baby sitting jobs for other people in my area. I do volunteer work with small children and I'm looking for a long term job. I'm getting the best grades possible and setting myself up for a stable life in which a child could be brought up well.

A baby is hard work. Please, please rethink your decision.
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replied April 27th, 2011
i am not going to judge you and i am not going to tell you that you shouldnt have a baby but i am currently 15 and pregnant...i personally think that you should wait until you are older...most teenage mothers dont even stay with the guy that they had a baby with because having a child is stressful and the couple often split up because there will be alot of fighting...and once you have a child you cant just go out and be a kid anymore you have to stay home and take care of not only yourself but the baby that is growing inside of you... you have to stop doing so much when you are pregnant and it is not easy...and sure babys are cute and wonderful but they are not easy and they require alot of love, care, and money...one small can of formula is almost 15 dollars and you go through so many diapers a week it is not even funny and it is not easy...babies get sick, and they cry sometimes for days and trust me it is not easy and you are not even old enough to drop out of school and get your ged... and in order to provide a good life for your child you will have to sacrifice alot of things and you will have to have an education to get money to provide for the baby...and being a mom while you are in school kind of sucks because you get absolutley no sleep because the baby wakes up crying so much and you have to feed them every two hours and daycare is also extremley expensive...there is just so much responsibility that comes with having a baby and if i could go back i would not have gotten pregnant and i would have waited until i could actually provide for my baby on my own and without help...i am a single mom and that makes it even harder...please wait until you are absolutley sure that you can provide for a child to have one
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