heyy im aly i know what you must be thinking !! but please listen yeah i know i have messed up but i didnt mean to :/ i got involved with the wrong guy he was my everything the one thing that kept me going when life at home was too much to handle !! he was really nice at first but then he started asking to do stuff and some stuff i did but then he wanted to go all the way i said no and he got narked he said that i didnt love him and that i was just using him !! :/ so in the end i gave in and now i dont know what to do what can i do ?? PLEASE
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replied August 4th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
First off, you need to tell your parents or at least your mother about this.
You also need to get to a doctors office right away to confirm your pregnancy and also talk to you about what your options are and even educate you about the health risks you could face now, being pregnant at 13 years of age.
You have 3 choices to make, all are not easy ones to make but one could be the best fit for you.
Abortion, Adoption or keep the baby.
If abortion is not for you, then you might want to look into an Open Adoption. What the essentially means, is that you would recieve updates through photo and sometimes get to have a visit with the baby in his or her new adopted family, you's still get to be a kid and experience life, while you give the best gift of all-life- to a couple who cannot concieve a child themselves.
Or you could keep the baby...But you need to figure out how at 13, You will raise this child...How you'll finish school and more.

Your main priorities right now, are to tell your mother and see a doctor.
Good Luck.
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replied August 5th, 2010
Community Volunteer
AlyzBlonDeHeart, please don't misrepresent yourself or your situation on these forums. I am quoting another post you wrote below:

AlyzBlonDeHeart wrote:
im 13 and well my family give atention and i aint being bullied :/ but i really want a baby... i know it seems mad and i get what you are saying but having a baby is all i can think about :/ is there any other reasons why other then not getting atention from family or getting bullied ?
(July 21, 2010)

Now, are you are are you NOT pregnant? If you ARE pregnant, then you NEED to tell a trusted adult because you need to be seen by a doctor regularly if you are proceeding along with your pregnancy. Not only is this necessary for YOUR health, but it is also necessary for the health of the baby. There are options available to you, as ProudMommy has already kindly outlined. You should think through the pros and cons of each of these options (parenting, adoption, abortion) CAREFULLY and decide, based upon your list of pros and cons of what you wish to do.

Now, do you know for a FACT that you are pregnant? If you don't know, please take a pregnancy test. If it turns up negative, I STRONGLY urge you to use some form of birth control.

I do not mean to single you out and I am by no way attacking you, but the reasons behind this reply are NOT to call you a liar. They are due to the fact that only days ago, you posted that you WANTED to become pregnant, and now here you are, pregnant. The reason behind this reply are to encourage you to tell the truth (or clear things up, at least) and to support you, and help you through this difficult time, if indeed, you are pregnant.

Once again, please do not consider this in any way a personal attack or me calling you a liar. This could just be a big misunderstanding, so feel free to clear things up for me so I can better help you with your situation.
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replied August 5th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Okay, after further investigation, I MUST ask you if you really are pregnant or not. Just yesterday, you responded in this thread http://ehealthforum.com/health/yrs-old-wan t-a-baby-t240623-a1.html to the posters who replied to your original (and quoted above, in my last post) post about reasons, other than bullying or family issues, why a teen would feel the need to become pregnant. Here is what you wrote:
AlyzBlonDeHeart wrote:
thanks for what you said and i get what you are saying :/
.

Once again, I ask that you be FULLY honest when posting. If you are dishonest, you are wasting my time, as a moderator, and you are wasting the time of others who reply, helpfully to your posts. This makes it harder for us to respond and help those who actually need our help. Please be fully honest and, as stated earler, if this is a misunderstanding, please share the FULL story so things are clarified.
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Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: ProudMommyof2008 

replied August 9th, 2010
i know what i put before but now iv messed up big time and i dont know what to do !!
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replied August 9th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
why not start by being 100% honest.

I've given you advice, so had motherofhighspiritedones
and probably other people as well who responded to other posts of yours from before.

Hopefully you've atleast seen a doctor and told your mother...Those are the 2 main things to do.
So if you haven't done them yet DO THEM NOW.
Your 13, and you shouldn't have put yourself in this position but you did, so now you need to grow up quickly and own up to the situation you got yourself into.
Tell your mother, see a doctor and listen to the options you have. If adoption sounds best, go for adoption. If your going to keep the baby, figure out how YOU will raise a child at 13 without even the basic of education finished yet and no job or money.

People here on this forum can only tell you or suggest for you to do so much, the rest is up to you as to how your going to sort things out on your end.
We aren't the ones in your situation right now. We don't need to live with the choices you make, you do.
Take our advice, and go from there.
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replied August 10th, 2010
thanks : )
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replied August 11th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Okay, so you ARE pregnant. First off, relax, it is not the end of the world. Yes, you messed up, but you are only human. Secondly, if you have not told a trusting adult, do so. Also, get an appointment with an OB/GYN (female reproductive tract/pregnancy doctor).
Lastly, know your options and think carefully through EACH of them. This thinking will help you make the right decision for YOU. There are three options for an unintended/unwanted pregnancy:

Abortion (you need to think carefully about this decision and let no one influence you either way):
I am pretty sure you know the details surrounding an abortion (it ends the pregnancy by killing/terminating the embryo/fetus).

There are currently two abortion methods available for YOUR situation (since you are early in the pregnancy and the abortion is not for health reasons). These methods are:
D&C-done with twilight or general anesthesia. A doctor inserts a dilation device into your cervix and then inserts a curretage device into you uterus. He/She then scrapes out the contents of your uterus. These contents will include the developing embryo/fetus. Side effects are generally mild and usually only include uterine pain/cramping. There are more severe side effects that you will need to be aware of, if you choose this route. These side effects are fever, extreme uterine pain/cramping, bleeding profusely (soaking a pad in an hour or less), foul-smelling or off-colored vaginal discharge (green or yellow-green). These symptoms could indicate a uterine infection or uterine perforation (ruptured or torn uterus). Infection and uterine perforation are VERY RARE after a surgical abortion (around 1-2% of women who have surgical abortions may experience one or the other, and surgical abortions are very common, so we are talking a very low number).

Medical or pill abortion:
Your doctor will prescribe three or four different medicines for you for this method. One will be an antibiotic, to prevent infection, another will be a pain-killer (they don't always prescribe pain-killers, but many do). Then, depending on the method, one or two pills may be prescribed to cause you to abort. One of these pills is called Cytotec. This pill helps dilate your cervix and readies the uterine lining for shedding. The other pill is Misoprostol (sometimes Mifepristone is substituted or added to the Misoprostol). This pill works in a couple of ways, it helps detach the uterine lining and the pregnancy from your uterine wall, helps facilitate uterine contractions so that you can push the pregnancy and uterine lining out of your body, and it helps post-abortion by contracting the uterus so that all contents are expelled.
Medical abortion and the use of abortion pills instead of a surgical procedure (such as D&C) is favored by women/girls who prefer to abort in the comfort of their own homes.
While generally safe, these pills can cause extreme cramping (which is why pain-killers are also often prescribed) and can also cause incomplete abortions, where only part of the contents of the uterus are expelled. This MUST be treated immediately to prevent uterine infection. The treatment is a D&C.

Abortion is NOT for everyone and I urge anyone who is thinking about abortion to be VERY sure of their choice BEFORE doing the procedure. Some other people might urge you to get an abortion, this is not their choice to make. Others will tell you that abortion is wrong. Again, this is not their choice to make. If you believe abortion is wrong, then it is not a choice for you. If you think abortion would help you in your situation, then, by all means, consider it as an option.

Option number two is adoption. There are two types of adoption, a closed adoption and an open adoption.
There are a couple of considerations you will need to take into account when choosing adoption. The first consideration is whether or not to obtain legal counsel (a lawyer). I believe (this is only my opinion) that obtaining legal counsel is a GOOD idea, if you are choosing adoption, for a couple of key reasons. Reason number one applies to open adoption. Your legal counsel will protect YOU and your rights when seeking an open adoption. Your legal counsel will also help with all the legalities surrounding an open OR closed adoption, including whether or not the prospective adoptive parents will pay for your medical care and delivery, mail/pictures/visitation (some adoptive parents welcome visitation from the birth mother), etc. Reason number two applies to both open and closed adoption. Your legal counsel will help protect you and provide boundaries between you and the prospective adoptive parents or the adoption agency, should you change your mind and decide to parent.

Let's talk about the two types of adoption. An open adoption is an adoption where the birth mother wishes to have regular updates on their birth child, be they through pictures, mail, visitation, or all three. Most birth mothers choose to have only pictures and mail, and most adoptive parents choose the same. However, there are a few birth parents/adoptive parents that believe that bonding is important between all members of the adoption, including the bonding between birth mother and child.
A closed adoption is an adoption in which the birth mother/parents choose to give the baby to an agency or adoptive family, without wanting any further contact with the family or the baby.

There are a few steps involved in setting up an adoption, closed or open. But first, let's talk about precautions and your rights: First and foremost, you have the right to change your mind at any time before signing adoption papers and the right to change your mind 24-72 hours (the time varies with each state, it may be longer in or shorter in different states, your lawyer will help you further with this) AFTER you sign the papers. Before signing the papers, you need to be TOTALLY sure that adoption is what you want. Before signing the papers, usually done right after or a few days after the birth of the baby, be SURE you are not under the influence of ANY painkilling drugs (or ANY drugs at all, preferrably), as painkilling drugs, especially ones prescribed for delivery and after birth, are strong and can interfere with your ability to think and make decisions.
Another VERY important thing to do BEFORE adopting your baby out is to RESEARCH agencies. It is NOT a good idea to set up an adoption online or in person, without legal advice or without your lawyer and the lawyer of the prospective adoptive parents having regular contact. I say this to protect YOU and your unborn child from scammers and persons who may not have you or your child's best interests at heart. This is another reason I am all for obtaining legal counsel when choosing adoption.
Another good thing about choosing an agency is that you get to tell the agency what YOU want out of this (remaining anonymous, wanting pictures/mail updates, or even visitation) and they do the searching for you. Before you commit to an agency, research ones you are interested in and then have your lawyer/legal counsel contact the agency. Or, if you cannot afford legal counsel or do not wish to have legal counsel, you or a parent/trusting adult should contact the agency and discuss your options and wishes. If you are not planning on obtaining legal counsel, going through an agency instead of going straight to prospective adoptive parents is the safer and easier choice. These agencies pre-screen prospective adoptive parents, making sure that they have been evaluated by CPS (child protective services) or whatever State Adoption Certification they are required to obtain, and the agency also matches you up with prospective adoptive parents who are willing to meet your wishes. Once again, you should NEVER seek out adoption advertisments online or in the paper without legal counsel or an agency willing to work for you. Your legal counsel or the agency should do all of the contacting and talking.

Remember that choosing adoption is a choice that only YOU can make and that no one else should MAKE or attempt to make you do.

The final option is parenting. I need not rant and tell you how difficult it will be, financially, emotionally, or physically, you can read up on that in many of these threads on this forum. Choosing to parent your child, is once again, only a choice YOU can make. The only advice I can give you in regards to choosing to parent is to choose a GOOD OB/GYN who is willing to help you with any physical problems that may arise from delivering a baby as a (young) teenager. I also need to advise you, if you are wishing to parent, to contact local State agencies, such as WIC (Women and Infants) , Planned Parenthood (they have excellent resources for free or low cost baby items), DHHS/DHS (Department of Health and Human Services/Department of Health). These agencies can help you with the cost of raising a child and with the resources you will need to raise a child. They can help with money, and child-care, as well as directly helping you by providing a caseworker for yourself. The role of the caseworker varies, however in most cases, this caseworker will help you be the best parent you can be by providing you with resources such as a list of good pediatricians, helping you apply for medicaid for yourself and your baby, helping you by signing you up for parenting classes, and can help you with free or low-cost child care.
It will also be VERY important for you to have a discussion with your parents about what THEY expect from you, as a teen parent, and what you NEED from them. Remember, if you choose parenting, it was YOUR choice, and the child is YOURS, not your parents'. The majority of the responsibility of your child falls on YOU, not your parents. You should not "expect" ANYTHING from them, should you choose to parent, however, you should be thankful for any help they DO give. It will be important for you to ask for support in your decision to parent. The best way for you to tell your parents is to say, "I am not asking for anything but your support". This sends the message that you are NOT expecting ANYTHING from them BUT support. This support may only be babysitting during school hours or providing assistance with baby food or baby needs, however you should NOT expect anything. Don't go looking for approval in your decision to parent so young. Just as many of us on this forum disapprove of teen pregnancy/parenting, the rest of the world, for the most part, shares this disapproval. There is a difference between supporting/helping teen mothers and advocating/approving teen parenting. For example, I was a teen mom, and I don't approve of teens getting pregnant on purpose nor do I advocate for teen pregnancy. I will, however, support and HELP any teen, pregnant or parenting, who needs my help or support, as I have experience and know how hard it can be.

Good luck in making your decision. I hope I have been of some help in providing more information so that you can make a better informed decision.
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replied August 15th, 2010
Im just going to say this right now, but for me as a 15 year old (14 when i had my girls), Adoption was the best choice. I knew a couple who live down the street from me, who wanted a child or two. i looked into them to make sure they were OKed for adoption, and sought legal counsel. I lucked out, i have an EXTREMELY and Uncommonly open adoption, where i can see my children every day if i so wished. I hope it all works out for you, but i agree with motherofhighspiritedones in that you should look into EVERY option carefully and completely.
Good luck and PM me if you want to talk Smile
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replied September 11th, 2010
thank you all x x x
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replied September 25th, 2010
Hello AlyzBlonDeHeart,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch in your life. No matter if you lied or told the truth, if you planned the baby or not, you deserve support and information.

It sounds like you may not have a close-knit family (my family is very old fashioned, so I can sympathize about being afraid to tell them). Please know that there are organizations our there that will counsel you for free before you even tell your parents, and if necessary will help you talk to them and provide support to your whole family. If there is an adult in your life who you trust (maybe a teacher or a friend's mom) that's a good place to start, and they can help you find a service in your area.

You do have three options: abortion, adoption, and parenting. All three of these will effect your life in a huge way and only you can know in your heart what's right for you. If you are leaning towards one option please make sure you do your research thoroughly. If you choose abortion, please make sure you find a clinic that will also provide you with counselling and referrals to community resources. If you choose adoption, please go through a reputable agency. This agency should NEVER pressure you to make an adoption plan and should provide you with advice about all your options. If you choose to parent you should make sure you have a good support network, access to community resources, and a doctor you trust and can talk openly with.

Again, only you can decide what's right for you. Please make sure you see a doctor soon, and talk to an adult your trust as soon as possible.

Take care.
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