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I want to die on a daily basis

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hello everyone i think i have a serious problem. Almost everyday i feel like there is no point in life, and there is no reason for me to continue living. I have a girlfriend many friends and a set of nice parents. I am prescribed adderall for add. But my main point is that no matter how good my life is and no matter what i get i am never happy, i try my hardest to have positive thoughts but i still have this pit in my stomach and feel like i wont ever be truly happy again. Sometimes i just lay in bed and wish i had the courage to kill myself so i wouldnt have this feeling anymore, i have talked to my parents about seeing a therapist but they say we can't afford it. Any thoughts on what might be wrong with me, sorry for the long post and im 16 btw.
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replied April 25th, 2011
Extremely eHealthy
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replied May 29th, 2017
I'm a pastor and a marriage and family therapist. I've been married for 24 years and I have a beautiful teenage daughter. I have a good job (though with low pay) at a church in NE.

I pour out my life for God and others. I devote almost all my time and energy to serving people who are in need, lonely and hurting.

I have physical health issues from a hard life and I am in almost constant pain.

My wife has health issues that have been steadily worsening for years and now she spends her days searching the internet for new things to be wrong with her and finding costlier and costlier ways to try to fix her health.

I've had to take a second job to keep up with the bills. I have two masters degrees and I spend three nights a week stocking shelves at a grocery store so that I can pay hundreds a month for my wife's dietary supplements and medications and special foods that do not help at all. She says she can't work because everyone wears cologne and perfume and the smell upsets her lungs. Meanwhile, I'm blowing out both my knees and killing myself with night shifts that are ruining my health and my ability to think.

I pray every day for God to let me die. I'm sincere. I won't kill myself or leave my wife or the church. I will persevere where God has placed me. Despite everything I still love God. I just really wish that he would finish with me and let me die.

I hate my life. I am only 43 years old.
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