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I Want a Baby And I'm 13 (Page 1)

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I've been wanting a baby for about two years now and it's getting worse. I know most people are going to suggest babysitting but I honestly can't. I live in a small town and just moved into this house (same town since i was 1 but new house). I don't know any of my neighbors and I'm too shy to get to know them. I know that having a baby is a big responsibility. I would have support from my family and a few of my friends, we would live here at my home w/ my brother (19 years old), mom, and dad. I have some old friends who work at our church and i could probably help out there for money or i could help out at a convienent store because we have friends there too. These aren't great jobs but they would be a good enough starter until im old enough to get a better paying job. I am really good with babies and kids. I have a three year old cousin, a four month old cousin, six year old cousin, and a six month old cousin (they all live four hours away) and i am around them 24/7 when i visit every summet. I can be very smart. My strongest subjects are algebra and english. I get straight A's and I've taken a baby sitting course which included CPR. I also have money in my bank account that I've been saving. I have just about everything figured out. Now i dont plan on having a baby now in 8th grade but in highschool. maybe my first or second year. I truthfully can't wait until i graduate highschool. This has been going on for too long. Even when I'm with my friends I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel alone and sad.
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replied September 6th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
First off, you are so young.
And having a child without a high school diploma will not help you get a very good job to raise a child.
a convienent store job is such a poor paying job, does not give health benefits or anything that you do need.
A church does not pay people to work for them, its called charity, volunteering, being a good person, and you recieve peoples gratitude as pay not actual money.
A child costs about $12,000+ and i HIGHLY doubt that you have that sort of cast saved up.
You say you can be smart, but this is not a smart idea at all. If you have a child in your first or second year of high school, and get a job at some convienient store, be prepared to work at that store for the rest of your life, because with out a high school diploma, any sort of college or university diploma you will not get very far in life or with an income.
no friend who has their own things going on at the ages of 13+ want take care of a friends baby, and i think most of them would think that you have a few loose screws, they are most likely going to be wanting to hang out with friends, go to a party here or there a sleep over, later as they get older possibly a club and more parties and succeed as much as they can in life.

And do you honestly think that you will finish school with straight A's and work to your fullest potential if you have a baby in your first or second year of high school? very few finish high school when they get pregnant.
And what a burden you would be putting on your family.
I mean, they would be the ones financially responsible for that child, seeing as they bring in a much substancial and stable income than a part time convienient store job. Do you think that it is fair to make your family take in and raise you and a child that YOU want? do you think it is fair for them to provide things for you and the child YOU want?
You say you are good with children and have taken baby sitting courses, but those things do not qualify you to be a parent. The damage that a baby can do on your body if you have one at a young age can be life long or life threatening, to not only you but an infant.
You really do not have anything figured out at all.
The emotional, physical, and mental tole that a child has on anyone young and old who have children is extremely serious. And that is something you should really think about. if you want a baby so badly you should wait until you are older, have your own place, own car, finished high school, finished college or university, have a good paying job or career, are possibly married, pay your own utilities, health insurance, mortgage or rent, car insurance A TON of savings, etc.
when you support yourself fully by doing all these things, and are not relying on your family and friends to help take care of you, then you should start thinking of having a baby. otherwise you are burdening people around you, and not giving all that you possibly can to a future child.
trust me. i got pregnant unplanned at 18, had my son at 19 and i am now 20. if i could do it all over, i would have worked harder at school gone to college, gotten a good paying job, been married first, had a HUGE amount of savings and more all organized and out of the way, rather than graduating will 7 months pregnant, paying rent to my brother inlaw, being lost within the first 3 weeks of my son being born, and not knowing why he was crying all the time, not seeing my friends, not going out at all really, not having free time to myself, and now at 20, thinking of going to college because the job i pick will be one that i am stuck with forever, and i do not want a crummy retail job as my life long job. i want a career with a secure amount of income so i can give all that i can to my son. it is must harder to do all these things when you are young trust me.
really think this through, and maybe talk to a professional about why you need to have a baby young. this could be the underlying of a bigger issue that you need to get sorted out.

and i do not say any of these things to be rude, this is the reality that you need to take into consideration here.

if you need to talk, PM me any time.
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Users who thank ProudMommyof2008 for this post: lele25  14rapedandpregnant 

replied September 8th, 2009
you cant rely on your family. good grades or not, its your responcibility! you should live your life! go out with friends, be able to do things you want without a child holding you down. atleast wait until you are over 16. take time to find a man who could support you, your child and himself too. being a single mother is harder than you think.
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replied September 9th, 2009
I am 14. I am six weeks pregnant. My family doesn't want this to happen. But it did happen, && my whole family is against abortions. You honestly don't want to get pregnant. I need an education. I wanted to graduate highschool && become a midwife, then have a kid when I'm older. But it is too late now. Me && my boyfriend have been together for a year, but neither me or him have a job. So this is going to be very hard. But I have been trying to get a job. Trust me. You don't want to get pregnant this young. I love kids && babies. But I like to give them back, haha ya know? But this one I can't. I know I will be a good mom, but I am wayyy tooo young. Trust me, it's gunna be a long road gfor me, but I am going tro have to get through it some how. I disappointed my whole family, but now they are doing fine && supporting me. But you should seriously wait. Because if you are young, like 13, && get pregnant, then while youre having the kid you can actually die. I am not trying to scare you, but I am even scared about that myself. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here, && I have aim.
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Users who thank BreanneLynn92908 for this post: mommyandwifey1211 

replied September 9th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
BreanneLynn, have you given any thought at all to having an open adoption?
with an open adoption, you get to decide how involved in the child's life and the adopted parents lives, recieve updates and more.
You would be able to live out your life, complete all the things you want to, and not be tied down to a child.
You say you are young, dont have a job and what not, and your parents are stuck between a rock and a hard place, supporting you and being obligated to support you financially because of the fact that you really dont have an income or stable savings for this baby.
This could be a good thing.
and although i have no doubt that it is a hard thing to choose and go through, it could potentially be the best thing for everyone, not only you and that child.

Maybe you could set up an appointment to meet with an adoption agency just to see what they offer. im 20 and have a 1 year old. things do not get any easier as that child grows up, they get more expensive, and every move you make effects their up bringing.
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replied September 9th, 2009
I know, but I am waayyyy too sensitive. I love babies, no I didn't want one, but once I seen it, I wouldn't be able to do that. && I am looking for a job. Thank you for your advice! I just don't think that I could do that. I would regret it for the rest of my life, && probably go look for the people who took it && steal it back ! Haha. Thank you though<33
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replied September 9th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
..thats what an open adoption is for.
so you do not lose contact or a bond with that child, but get to live out your life while still a child.
babies need more than love and a part time job..
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replied September 14th, 2009
im 15 and 33 weeks pregnant i didnt plan it but it happened i so understand loving babies but it is soooooo much harder than you think im to young to have a full time job and i got told i couldnt go to school anymore by the school board it was horrible i feel like the worst child in the world for putting such a bridden on my mom my dad died in febuary so that made stuff even harder i lost all my friends because i cant do the stuff they wanted to do anymore people stare and make rude comments all the time some people even tell me that im selfish for having my baby so young my best friend told me i should have an abortion so trust me even the friends u think will always be there for you probally wont be i am already having problems with child services because of my age and my baby isnt even born yet i love my baby so much already but i wish i would have waited to have sex it is way harder then it looks on tv and baby sitting is easy but its not the same! think about it wait until you finish school and have a good job because u cant raise a baby on part time job income and it really is a HUGE bridden on your family and at 13 you are to young to even have a part time job! you really need to think this through because you have no idea what you are in for if you get pregnant!!
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replied September 15th, 2009
i just had a baby girl july 8, 2009, and on july 31st, i turned 16. since i was probably twelve years old, i wanted to have a baby. it was so bad, that it almost consumed me. i never tried though, so when i found out that i was pregnant, i was so shocked, and upset. but at the same time, i was so excited, just because i always wanted a baby young, only because i didn't want to be an old mom. but honestly, if i could go back, i wouldn't mind waiting until i was forty to have my first kid. i mean i love kylie so much, she's my entire life, she's who i am. but it's very hard! i've been looking for the past three months, for a job.. still haven't gotten one. and the daddy, that i was sooo sure, was gonna be there forever, isn't here. he didn't even know when she was born. he does now, but he doesn't even help with anything. so all of the financial things, are put on my family, which is entirely wrong. it's not supposed to be like that. and it's also hard for them, because i am still their baby, but i have one of my own.. so do they let me just do what i want, or do i still have rules, and punishment? the biggest thing for me is hanging out with my friends. i get so mad and frustrated with myself for what i did. just cause everyones always out doing something, or partying, and just having fun. and yes, babies are fun.. but would you rather HAVE to be stuck at home with a screaming newborn, or out chillin with your friends doin whatever you want. i get woke up at least twice a night, to feed her. and sometimes she wants to stay up, for a while, sometimes screaming. and i guarantee those a's will go down to c's. alot changes when you have a baby. you're forced to grow up.. and being thirteen, that's not something you should have to worry about. you should be worried about little kid drama right now. like school, worrying about that girl talking to the boy that you like, and stupid little fights with your friends. not only that, you need to think about your baby. how would their life be? you have alot of maturing, and changing to do. it's just not something you wanna end up having to deal with right now. trust me, you'll regret it.. not the baby, but doing what you did, for her to get here. especially if you planned it. i hope you change your mind.. for the sake of the baby you would bring into this world, your family, and your future. if you're really as smart as you say, you won't do it!

btw, you might want to try talking to your mom about this.
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replied September 16th, 2009
I'm sorry, but are you nuts?! 13?! Damn girl!! I was 17 when I got pregnant and it was soooooo not easy!! Finishing highschool, which I did was very hard. Not to mention holding down a job. paying for a babysitter, and, heres the biggie, doing all this with no sleep! My children, all 5 of them, still don't sleep! my oldest is now 12 and my youngest almost 4....So for the last 12 years I haven't gotten a full nights sleep! I know this isn't normal, but it's my normal. Little to no sleep!! Are you ready for that? No sleep, the demands of school/ homework, household chores, family responsibilities, and a job?! Think long and hard. Please!
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replied September 27th, 2009
I am 14, I have a boyfriend of one year, and i got raped by my best friend's brothers friend (yes i know its confusing). he slipped the date rape drug into my soda, and now im stuck 5 months pregnant with twin girls. My mom threatened to disown me when she found out i wasnt having an adoption, and my dad died 5 years ago so he isnt here to support me. I was a strait A student who was training to make the national team for gymnastics to go to the olympics for 2012, and now i wont be in shape to train anymore. Having to tell my coach was the worst part. the look on her face just made ME feel guilty for what happened to me. I found family that would be ok with an open adoption so i can keep my bond with my girls, and has even said i can choose their names, if they have the OK on them. my mom has finally come around to the idea of me being pregnant, and my boyfriend has been supportive, but if I had had a choice, i wouldnt be in this position, and trust me CassieBee, if you do this, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I have 2 friends now, my school has kicked me out, i wont get to do my life long dream, and my life has gone down in flames. do you really want to go through that?
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replied September 28th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
14rapedandpregnant,
i really applaude what you are doing.
first off, i cannot imagine the stress and how difficult it must be to cope with being raped, but to continue with the pregnancy AND give them up for adoption, that is amazing hun.
and i applude you for that, because not enough teen girls your age and up opt for adoption in situations like yours, and other.

but may i just say, that your life is not over hun, you can go back to school after you give birth, recover and give the twins to that loving family who has an open adoption with you.
your dreams may not fall into place within the time that you wanted them too, but you can still accomplish them, they may just take a little longer.
i would talk to a school counsellor, and ask about rejoining the school when you recover from birth, and start off slowly with gymnastics, like just joining gym classes and get back into the groove of things.
it is terrible that your coach did not understand what had happened to you, and was not very supportive, because it is in no way something that you planned for, and its sad that your school kicked you out too, but dont give up hope hun, you can get your high school diploma and pursue your dreams/goals in life in other ways than just going to high school.
You could get a GED-General Education Diploma- you could join gymnastics outside of school, and start it up slowly, or you could join another school all together.
but so not feel like this is the ending point in your life hun.
if you ever need to talk about anything, PM me anytime hun.
and once again, i applaude you for what you are doing, and good luck with everything.
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replied September 28th, 2009
Thank you so much Proud Mommy. I had pretty much given up hope of ever doing gymnastics again, and everything else. now i am looking into a new gym so i can hopefully train for 2016 after i recover. I will be on the old side of the team, but older girls have done it. Also im looking into anyway i can stay in "shape" while being pregnant, so i wont be too much out of shape when i recover. Also im looking into other schools, and i am just looking forward to being done with this pregnancy. I talked on the phone with the adoptive parents and we have come up with names we all like, Jasmine Nicole Rifkin (Nicole being one of their family names) and Alexa Kaia Rifkin (kaia being one of my family names). im so excited to meet them, even though i know it will be little harder to give them up once I see them, i know i cant take care of these girls, and that they really really need them. (they have been trying for years, and havent been able to have children. Another plus, they live right down the street Smile )
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replied September 28th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
you are welcome hun, trust me i had some dreams too-college, career, etc. but even though i am now 20 and have a one year old, i am still going through with those dreams, i got a job recently, i am working on getting my license because ive put it off for WAY too long, and i am hopefully going to college for interior designing next year too, its just going to take me a little longer to accomplish my dreams.
dont push yourself too much with staying in shape while pregnant, just take things easy, go for walks around your block, walking is great while pregnant, you could even look into a pregnancy class and ask about exercises that some pregnant women do, some women do yoga while pregnant its supposed to be really relaxing Smile
i can only imagine how difficult it will be to give your girls to another family, but just keep in mind that you are doing a beautiful and the most self-less thing of all here; you are giving two children life, and a loving family the best gift one could give, children.
its also a plus that they love down the street too!
plus it sounds that you are going to be as involved as you can be in their lives babysitting, visiting etc.
this is yes a tough loss, but its also a gain because you get to fulfill your dreams, give the best to those girls and more, and you still get to be a kid.
remember anytime you need to talk, PM me.
xo
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replied September 28th, 2009
Thank you so much Proud Mommy,
You have been so nice to me, and I am thankful for all the advice you have been giving every girl on this site. You really truly are a blessing for this site, and thank you for trying to talk some sense into the girls who are willing to give up their childhood for having a child, when we are all children ourselves.
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replied September 28th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
thanks hun, that was the most nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
that means alot to me.
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replied September 28th, 2009
your welcome. all your support has meant a lot to me.
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replied September 28th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
im glad the advice i have given you has helped you out hun, im always here to try and give the best advice that i can give, and support.
remember PM me anytime you need to talk hun.
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Users who thank ProudMommyof2008 for this post: im13teengirl 

replied September 28th, 2009
ok. thank you Smile
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replied October 21st, 2009
you're 13, you think you know what you want

but reality is, you don't.
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