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I've lost confidence to speak to mum. advice?

Hello, my name is Rachel and i am 29, I have been through a few rocky relationships and I have told mum a few lies now she has turn her back on me in order to get on with my life, plus she is worried that the bailiffs may come to get her savings in order to pay off the loan i should have paid for when she gave me the money. I am sorting it but now i have lost the confidence to speak to mum with the fact that i do have positive things to say. Please help me what to do next as i hate being shut out of the family, and i cant bring myself to tell my bf about it, he knows a little but not all, but scared of rejection.PLEASE HELP as i think i am becoming depressed and it is not healthy for a new relationship.
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