Medical Questions > Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum

I think I made a mistake ending it.

Back in Jan of 2009 I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. We had rough last 2 years. He ended up being addicted to oxycodone and being arrested. While in rehab he got a bit better, but was lieing about finishing the 12 steps. the last 1 year to 6 months of our relationship he barely worked, didn't go to school, didn't do much of anything. He actually was trying to do 1 of those pyramid things. We were in couples therapy and he stated he was willing to risk our relationship to continue with the pyramid thing instead of getting a actual job that pays real money. He was also clean and sober, which is great, except for the fact he had a major problem with me drinking more then 1 or 2 glasses of wine.

He was my best friend it the world and was very kind and comforted me when i was upset. I miss him often and everything reminds me of him. We had plans to get married someday. I feel like he betrayed me and let me down. I am sooooo angry at him still. I really was only able to leave him because my friends kept telling me I deserve better and that I was not happy. So I left him.

A couple of months after we broke up I met someone. We are still currently dating. 1-1/2 years now. He seems to have the same issues about not working, just like my last boyfriend. I don't even complain to anyone because I know they will tell me to leave him like they did with the last guy. I do not contact or speck to my X boyfriend at all. This is because as I said I am dating someone and because i want him to be happy. I know talking or hearing me will make him sad.

If sometime feel like I should leave my current boyfriend and tell the other one I make a mistake. I should not have left him. I should have given him more time and explained the his issue with my drinking made me feel unloved and like monster. Shortly after we broke up he finally got a job and the jerk went back to school last year also.

Any advise would be great! A side note. I am giving my current boyfriend until jan/ feb. 2012 to get is together. If he doesn’t I will break up with him.
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replied July 22nd, 2011
well, heres the quandary with involving friends in touchy situations such as relationships. its not so much as difficult as it is seemingly useless (at least to some extent) to ask friends for advice on your own relationship. I've dealt with this before as well. the reason why i say its useless is b/c they can never know exactly how you feel, exactly how your significant other feels and the exact dynamics of your relationship. This is why i feel that you were more pressured into leaving your ex b/c of your friends pushing you to do it, and now you feel contrite that you made the wrong decision. i've learned the hard way in that to not discuss/disclose any sensitive details about my relationships with my friends (or the very few that i have left), it just creates a big mess and it stirrs up the rumor mill.

but anyway, feeling torn b/w two ppl is one of the hardest dilemmas one can experience. feelings, i think you should take your time in deciding what is best. ask yourself, what do you truly feel for both parties? and when you scroll back the pages of your memory w/ both partners, you not only have to think of the good times but the bad times as well. and utilize that in the form of a pros and cons approach to resolving this issue. like i said, take your time.
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replied July 22nd, 2011
Soooooo not helpful. I already knew that part. LOL thank you though for confirming it. I was hopeing someone woudl actually tell me what to do. Too funnny. Have a good one. Smile
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