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I think he is getting trust issues...

Ok, just a little summury of My boyfriend and I.... We have been together off and on (more on then off) for almost five years now. Just like all long relationship we have been threw alot.... This past July we got our first apartment together, well the beginning of August we slit up and he moved out, and I was going to keep the apartment. We split up cause it just seemed we couldnt stand to be around eachother and it was mostly me. I just felt like i needed my freedom. So after he moved out I had friends over everyday, I was just haveing a ball drinking and just haveing my freedom! I did not do anything uncalled for though. I did not have sex with anyone. One night a guy that is my bestfriend, which we have went out before, but nothing serious came over. It was just him and I. we were watching a movie, then he put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him and that lead to making out. well once again, we did not have sex. we just made out. Yes he wanted to take it further, but I said no........

Well a couple weeks later I ended up getting avicted and I got back with my boyfriend.... So we moved back in with my mother.

Well we just go another apratment in october. I told him what happen with me and my bestfriend... He asked me if anything else happen and I told him no, because that the truth. I knew he acted like he didn't belive me but i just let it go. The past couple weeks he has been haveing dreams that bother him and he wakes me up telling me to hold him. So tonight he are laying in bed just talking and he ask me if i was keeping anything from him. I told him no, because im not. So he says he's been dreaming that I lied about what happen between me and my bestfreind. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he still thinks something happen.

I dont know why, but that really bothers me. Why dosnt he believe me???
And he's getting so weird about me haveing guys as friends. Like if he sees a guy on my Myspace that he dosnt know he totally flips out about it and in so many words its almost like he's accusing me of doing something with them.

I just wanna know why did he all a sudden get like this?

Can anyone talk to me and try to help me out?
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replied November 24th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
He's distrustful because of a lack of consistency in the relationship. The guys don't really matter as they happenned while you were split up. Provide more stability and consistency and his trust will return. Keep promises to him, make more promises. Make sacrifices to show him how important he is to you. Put more focus on your relationship, see where thing go from there.
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replied November 25th, 2009
WOLF, Thank you for your reply!
When you say make promises.. what kind of promises do you mean? & i do make sacrafices. I really do and I feel like he dosnt even notice. Like for one thing, i am only 19 years old and he is 25. Yea i know that a big age difference and yes i was young when we first got together. But anyways, this past week my girlfriends have been trying to get me to go out and stay out late and etc. well i say no and if i go hangout with them i make sure i am home before he gets home from work and i still have his dinner ready for him when he gets home. Even though i would love to hangout with my friends and stay out late. I take that sacrafice of being home for him when he gets home. If i didnt care, i would stay out as late as i want and do whatever, but i do care.... But its like he dosnt even see it like that. He has an attitude if i even just ride to tha store with my friends even if he's not home. When i do go somewhere i always text him and let him know what im doing... I just dont know.... Im starting not to understand him
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replied November 25th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
A lot of times in relationships when it comes time to make a commitment to something we say "Sure" or "Yeah" or "No problem" if you want to communicate your commitment to your partner say "I promise". It shows your commitment. Of course when you do make a point of promising something to them be damned sure you can follow through. If you give your partner your word and can't meet it, make a bigger deal out of it then they do. Go to great lengths to make it up to them.
If you're going to make a sacrifice to make your partner happy don't leave it to chance that it won't be appreciated. If you have a chance to go out with the girls and you think your boyfriend would rather you spend time with him call him and ask him if he minds if you go out, let him know what's planned. Suggest if he makes you cancel dinner or a movie out or whatever that he take you out on his next day off instead.

The thing you want to be watchful of is enabling distrust. Hold on to your independance. Don't let your boyfriend decide if you can go out or come to expect that you will update him about what you're doing when you're away. This just gives him free reign to expect the worst of you. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if there is information your boyfriend needs in order for him not to be inconvenienced, like if you're going to be late getting home or if you're going to get dinner with your friends.
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replied November 28th, 2009
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guys can be jealous! he probably cant get out his head that another man kissed you, and the negative voice in his head tells him that you probably did something more. it's probably tearing him up inside.
he should look at it as if you were being honest, and you didnt have to tell him.
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