Hi I'm jade,I'm sorry I do not have a profile pic I'm using a iPad,Ill try and keep this as short as possible.I suffer from bipolar 2,which basically means I'm usually more depressed than "manic" or overly happy.I really do try to keep this under control and try not to show my husband how I'm feeling or talk to him about it,there's reasons for this if I mention that I'm feeling unwell or if I'm feeling immobilising depressed,he completely ignores me,he will either cut me off by walking out of the room or start a conversation with one of our toddlers or burp or fart over what I'm saying,So I find it easier to just not say anything,it's to the point that at night when I'm crying because My thoughts feel so suppressed I have to run down stairs as if I'm going to vomit,to cry silently so he don't have to hear me.

It doesn't just stop there,I married my husband at 17 (religious and family pressure),we began dating at 16 at that age our relationship was fun,and he was so kind I'd never met someone so genuine,I never fell crazy in love with him,but knew he would make a stable husband and father,so hey why not?

When I got pregnant a month after we got married glance Our relationship hit a dodgy turn,he began to keep me locked up and hostage in his flat,he would hit me so hard in the face I'd have to go to work with swollen face,at 8months pregnant he hung me backwards of the bannister of the stairs,that was the 1st time I had experienced his violence and after the "I sorry speech" I took him back.

It became habit that he would hit me,apologise and I'd take him back,after birth of my 1st son I got the beautiful postnatal depression,I began to feel likeI needed him and couldn't cope without him,he knew this and made sure I knew it too,along with the negative thoughts the ilness gave me I also had him telling me im a bad mom,useless wife,unattractive and not good enough,while depressed I hated having sex he would force me to have sex,it was like if I didn't have sex he would end up beating me up or not helping me with our son,this continued with my 2nd child.

I was told I could not use contraception,and once I got pregnant with my 3rd child my daughter things got even worse,already physically and emotionally beaten down he began to tell me he wants another women and that I'm not as attractive as I used to be,and started showing and telling me the kind of girl he wants.

It hurt his never worked since we met "he was studying" and never tried to use his qualifications,I have always been the sole provider,I've decorated and furnished 3 homes,made sure all our kids had nice clothes,I've took him and the kids Barbados,north Africa and spain this is after I finished working I saved and saved,just so my children can have the best memories possible I pay all bills EVERYTHING!

But he turns around and complains that He has to take the kids to school ect...I'm at a point now where I can't get dressed,can't tidy up,can't socialise,can't enjoy my children I'm completely gone..he has had to take over the "wife" duties,and I feel bad I'm failing my children.I just don't know anymore.

Thanks for listening/reading xx
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First Helper Stolenroses
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replied September 27th, 2011
Your situation is so sickening. I can only assume that your kids see the way he treats you. Is this the template you want them to base their relationships on. I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but you have got to get it together...if your children have witnessed this you should know that you haven't been taking care of them as well as you think since you allow them to be exposed to this. Even if you are the target of his abuse they are still being abused by that exposure. You have to find a way to get out of this situation. This is no life...for you or you children. You didn't say why you've remained in this...is because of family and religious convictions? If that's the case I would submit that neither of those things are in your best interest and you should do whatever it takes to take care of your kids. Imagine what you would do/tell them if they told you this was their hell in thier own marriage. What would you say, what would you tell them to do?
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replied September 27th, 2011
Honestly dont let him walk all over you if he hits you hit him back whats the worse he can do. If you cant stand up for your self you obviously need to get out of that relationship.

No one deserves to be the one who brings people up just some one else can smash them down. Get out!
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replied July 21st, 2012
I dont think that when ur marriage is complete abuse that its gods way for u to endure this pain and suffering. I truly believe that it was not gods intention for you to stay in an abusive marriage. My religion also looks down on divorce, but I dont think its to be looked down upon when your in an unbearable situation. You have to be strong and know whats best for you and your children. And no matter what anyone tells you, you have to know your better than that. Theres plenty more people out their that will accept you for who you are and will make you happy. You have to shun the abusive comments and come to a place where you feel good about yourself. Some men tend to put women down because it makes them feel better about themselves and more superior. Dont let his issues with himself weigh you down.Its not okay for any man to hit you or put you down. But know that his actions are making him an awful person and dont let his choices destroy you as a person or you will never be happy. This life is short and im sure you dont want to go through it being miserable. Find an outlet and be strong for your kids and yourself. know it is not your fault and be the strong, confident woman that every woman has inside them.
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replied July 21st, 2012
I dont think that when ur marriage is complete abuse that its gods way for u to endure this pain and suffering. I truly believe that it was not gods intention for you to stay in an abusive marriage. My religion also looks down on divorce, but I dont think its to be looked down upon when your in an unbearable situation. You have to be strong and know whats best for you and your children. And no matter what anyone tells you, you have to know your better than that. Theres plenty more people out their that will accept you for who you are and will make you happy. You have to shun the abusive comments and come to a place where you feel good about yourself. Some men tend to put women down because it makes them feel better about themselves and more superior. Dont let his issues with himself weigh you down.Its not okay for any man to hit you or put you down. But know that his actions are making him an awful person and dont let his choices destroy you as a person or you will never be happy. This life is short and im sure you dont want to go through it being miserable. Find an outlet and be strong for your kids and yourself. know it is not your fault and be the strong, confident woman that every woman has inside them.
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replied July 21st, 2012
I dont think that when ur marriage is complete abuse that its gods way for u to endure this pain and suffering. I truly believe that it was not gods intention for you to stay in an abusive marriage. My religion also looks down on divorce, but I dont think its to be looked down upon when your in an unbearable situation. You have to be strong and know whats best for you and your children. And no matter what anyone tells you, you have to know your better than that. Theres plenty more people out their that will accept you for who you are and will make you happy. You have to shun the abusive comments and come to a place where you feel good about yourself. Some men tend to put women down because it makes them feel better about themselves and more superior. Dont let his issues with himself weigh you down.Its not okay for any man to hit you or put you down. But know that his actions are making him an awful person and dont let his choices destroy you as a person or you will never be happy. This life is short and im sure you dont want to go through it being miserable. Find an outlet and be strong for your kids and yourself. know it is not your fault and be the strong, confident woman that every woman has inside them.
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