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I quit... now I'm really mad (Page 2)


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February 23rd, 2010
Wow, these dreams are really fun... had another one, surprise surprise.

I was at my grandparents, getting ready to leave to return to my husband who, in my dream, was my first boyfriend. I gathered together a change of clothes that I'd need when I got to my destination, and handed them to the butler to pack up for me. The kitchen and pantry were much larger than they are in real life, and they were full of people preparing various types of food.

I had on a red slip dress and red panties, and red stilletos. Dang, what kind of traveling gear that is, I can't imagine, but that's what I was wearing.

I took the train to the town where my husband and I lived - he had a small family restaurant there. I'm not sure what my vocation was other than being his wife. I had been away at war with the Army in Afganistan for many years, and I was sure that my husband would have difficulty recognizing me. When I got to his restaurant, there were two puppies playing outside - I think they were white or yellow labradors. There was also an old woman playing with an adult dog - tossing him a toy in a game of fetch. There were picnic tables out front, with umbrellas.

My husband came to the restaurant door, and sure enough, he didn't recognize me at first. When he did, he smiled such a beautiful smile, took me in his arms, and kissed me. Then we laughed and laughed.

I went into the restaurant, looking for the change of clothes that had been sent ahead by the butler which someone handed to me. My name was written on the front of the package about ten times - the package was made of grey cardboard. I walked along the counter past free standing tables - there was a small group of women and children taking up a lot of space so I couldn't get by - I asked one woman to pull up her chair to make room for me which she did. I thought about how difficult it would be to evacuate in case of fire or some emergency, with people sitting like that in the aisles.

Made my way to the kitchen area which, like my grandparents' house, was comprised of lots of rooms, each one for a different cooking purpose. I asked a fellow where I could change my clothes and he pointed me to Room 100. The door didn't lock but that didn't stop me. It was L-shaped, so I walked into the room as far as I could, and began to change into my regular clothes (very dowdy sweats ha ha ha). I had difficulty negotiating the legs of my pants for some reason, but finally got it together.

A young guy came into the room, saw me, blushed and raced back out. After I had changed, he came back in and apologized. I told him it wasn't any problem whatsoever. He reminded me of someone I had known long ago (in my dream - not real life), and it turned out he was the fellow's uncle.

I went out to join my husband at the beach. I walked through a muddy parking area, where a young guy was spinning lazy doughnuts on his motorcycle, with no helmet on. He carefully avoided hitting me.

When I got to the beach, there was a war going on, but not at the beach itself. There were lots of North Vietnamese gathered there, drinking liquor and having a great time. I was South Vietnamese in my dream (I'm English in real life)... so I was a little worried. One of the soldiers noticed that one of his buddies was floating face down in the ocean, so he jumped into the water to help his friend.

From the sky, a huge barge dropped upside down into the ocean, then it righted itself, bobbing up and down in the water.

That woke me up, and I was laughing because it was so comical and unreal.
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replied February 26th, 2010
Oh crap... I slipped today. Darnit. But I called our State's Quit Smoking hotline and got help. Tomorrow is another day, and I am determined to get back on track right NOW!
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replied March 1st, 2010
I got really great advice from the Quit Smoking counselor on the phone... cried a little and got off the pity pot. Pulled up my bootstraps and took charge of my health again. I'm still dreaming like a maniac, especially for this big fat full moon, mostly about my family... I'm going to beat this addiction come hell or high water. It's not mine, I'm sure of it, and I refuse to be a victim.
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replied March 4th, 2010
Dream: I sneaked into my mother's bedroom to leave her flowers. In the dining room, she was having an argument with her second husband and he was yelling about something. I arranged the flowers and started making my way out of the house. I found that my mother had crawled into bed in the guestroom - when she realized I was there, she started berating me terribly unjustly. I told her I had only stopped by to leave her flowers but she kept on being abusive and cruel.

I left and got on my motorcycle to head back home. On the freeway, I saw that my little dog was chasing me. Suddenly, a semi disconnected from its trailer and weaved across the road. I thought my dog would dodge, forgetting that she doesn't hear very well any more.

I got to a small town where I knew some people and I was really worried because my dog didn't show up. I was totally panic-stricken. I went to a house of people I knew who, in my dream, used to be drug dealers for the Mexican mafia. I really had to use a bathroom and I had a hard time finding one. Finally did find a toilet and as I sat down, I looked out a window that didn't have any glass. Far below was the main street of the town, people milling about. I hoped no one could see me.

Then I went to a chest of drawers. Instead of being full of drugs and money as they were the last time I was in the house, there were rows of baby shoes, diapers, and baby clothes. I could hear a woman and her baby in the next room.

I made my way down a corridor past a workout room where there were pictures of really buff people all over the place. I thought it was great that the household had chosen to do healthy things instead of dealing drugs.

I looked through a window on my left and saw my dog go by. I was so relieved. I went outside and she came up to me. It was obvious that she had been hit by the truck and I thought the guy must have run over her, blaming her for causing him to disconnect the trailer of his semi and almost causing a crash. I picked her up and noticed that she was missing her front right foot.

As I held her, I was feeling awful that I couldn't afford a car or she would have been safe with me, instead of chasing me on my bike. Her skin started coming loose and I could see that the damage to her body was much, much more extensive than I first thought.

I walked over to a large shade tree, carrying her. One of the mafia guys joined me - he was really compassionate and tried to comfort me. When I looked down at my dog again, her skin had come off completely and she fell apart in two pieces, cut in half at the waist. Both parts were still completely alive but I knew I had to put her down. I burst into tears for her, wondering how I was going to get her to the vet to have her put out of her misery. The mafia guy said he knew what to do, and walked over to a pharmacy nearby. I was sobbing...

Then I woke up, and I was crying. I took my dog in my arms and thanked heaven that my dream wasn't, in fact, true.

Ugh.... I haven't had a nightmare so violent and awful in a very long time.
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replied March 4th, 2010
Well now I'm really, really glad I quit smoking so I can deal with issues that are apparently hiding deep within my psyche. I think smoking has been an avoidance mechanism, and that I've been taking out my frustrations on myself instead of handling them properly.

Take the ol' bull by the horns and wrestle my demons to the ground, I say. Watch out, crappy unhealthy thoughts... I'm coming to get you!!
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replied March 8th, 2010
...still having atrocious and pretty violent dreams but I'm not smoking. So I figure it's a necessary part of my process. I sure don't like them though. The good thing is that I'm fearless in my dreams no matter what's happening, and I interpret that to mean that I have the strength and fortitude to face my fears.

Perseverance furthers, and I'm doing everything I can to Be Prepared!!
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replied January 15th, 2011
Can rage coincide with nicotine replacement therapy
to something else, i am using the patch successfully (about a week now)except that might evening annoyances with my husband have shown themselves as RAGE. I feel hatred for him and all his faults. By the middle of the night I no longer have the feeling of hostility but am too scared to ask his forgiveness because it will acknowledge that I have become intolerant. I have begun today to recognize that I have lots of things in life I do not like when I do no get my way, but I used to cope by sucking in the nicotine which amounted to counting to ten. I have been sedating myself (with cigs) because I do not really know how to be assertive, and was always dependent on passive aggression. Now I am facing the truth, and I am thinking it requires daily self examination and committment to shaking petty things off like water of a duck. BUT I NEED TO DO IT DAILY, lest I destroy the people or animals in my path because of my own unnecessary feelings of inadequacy. You know how a little baby reacts when he doesn't get what he wants immediately? That's how I have become so I need to reassure and discipline myself, the same way that we do to a baby who is learning to deal with life.
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replied April 26th, 2012
Bonitzz
I quit smoking for a week due to being pregnant
And all the symtoms i have, is mostly the cold coughing and throwing up.
I dont like it but im finished with smoking its so disgusting iv been smoking for 10 years
If i cAn do it anyone can! Smile
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replied April 27th, 2012
Just saw your post. I have been around this block with people before and had to reply.

Not One Puff Ever is a philosophy many people use to help quit smoking true BUT it is only One Way of looking at the problem and is Not for everyone.

When you smoked for years you developed deeply ingrained attitudes and behaviors associated with smoking and your love of smoking. NOPE doesn't address this, all it does is take away your pleasure and leave you hanging to deal with the rest.

One of it's big problems is the perception of Smoking Addiction or Nicotine Addiction. Anti nicotine proponents can be demeaning, cruel and tear you down. If you were ever told " Smoking is a dirty little habit and your a dirty person when you smoke" or "Nicotine is an addiction and your a dirty little addict" or "Nicotine is Evil and your a bad person for using it" - these are wrong and do not help.

Also the statements about Nicotine being bad for you have not been proven as true. I have seen anti smoking, anti nicotine proponents use all of the above terms and they do not realize they are hurting the people more than they help IMO. Nicotine is a vascular constrictor (can narrow blood vessels) and a central nervous system stimulant just like caffeine. Nicotine (by itself without the smoke) has the same health risks with it associated with caffeine use and is similar in chemical composition to caffeine. This can cause problems for people with hypertension and high blood pressure but no more than regular coffee drinkers. Nicotine has mild addictive properties but so does caffeine. Nicotine by itself has not been proven to cause heart or lung disease or kill - it takes 2 ounces of nicotine ingested all at once to kill a 140 lbs man. Nicotine is only one of the substances in cigarette smoking that helps you get addicted. Cigarette smoke has over 4000 chemicals, 69 of which are known to cause cancer. There has not been studies done on the addictive properties of all these chemicals but it is known that people who switch to NRT's still have cravings from what they are missing that the NRT's do not have as they Only deliver nicotine - there has to be something else in cigarette smoke that contributes to the strong addictiveness of tobacco smoke. It's the smoke itself that causes harm, not the nicotine by itself. All this needs to be taken into account when quitting.

Tobacco smoke causes many chemical and psychological changes in the user. Nicotine and other chemicals in tobacco causes receptors in the brain to fire releasing dopamine. Other substances like chocolate cause this same dopamine release also. Your body gets used to this, and expects it. You may try getting some of those dopamine receptors to fire using chocolate of other foods that you find pleasurable.

You've licked the not smoking part, now you need to deal with the left overs of your cigarette usage. Try the chocolate. Look up other foods on the internet that stimulate dopamine receptors. Also identify why it is you smoked. You may have deep seated reasons why you started and kept smoking - trying to hide from something in your life or cover something up you are unwilling to deal with. If so, these issues need to be dealt with.

I suggest you stop telling yourself you are a smoking/nicotine addict and are always going to be a recovering addict. Don't kid yourself. You loved smoking, it was a part of who you were, your friend. Telling yourself you are an addict with all the negative connotations that brings is damaging to your mental stability. It's like going from one extreme to the other and your brain doesn't know how to deal with this in a healthy way.

I suggest you tell yourself more positive things like, " I was a smoker, but now I'm free to be healthy without the damaging smoke" and " I always was a good person even when I smoked, now, I'm a better person. I am not an addict but am free from the mistake of harming my body through tobacco smoke."

People associate being an addict with being a bad person, or doing something wrong. This is the wrong thing to tell yourself! It's a mental trap that will keep you enslaved, if not to cigarettes, to the wrong thinking that your a bad person or do wrong things - this can be just as damaging as smoking itself.

Together with the dopamine (a normal healthy drug the brain releases) and positive talking to yourself, you can lick these depressing things that bother you. It will get easier in time if you stick with it.

Best of health and happiness,

John Phoenix
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