I am currently in a relationship where I feel like I'm losing all control. We have our great times but there are those dark moments where I feel I am being overwhelmed. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells just waiting for that moment when everything comes crashing down again. It seems that no matter what I do, it is never enough for her. And then there's the drinking. I've never seen someone drink so consistently throughout the week, and I went to a party school. Her emotions are raised by an order of magnitude and there is nothing I can say or do to escape her wrath. If there is an issue, she refuses to talk with me about it. We have been making all sorts of plans for our future together, but I just can't seem to see any of them happening. Her episodes just bring more threats to leave me. For what? Because I forgot to get an extra sauce packet for her food? That means I don't care about her and I'm selfish? I'm at a loss for what to do.
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replied May 30th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

Her mood swings might be caused by the poison (alcohol) she is putting into her system rather too much. They might be part of her character or it might be an expression of a deeper problem; either a medical thing or a psychological thing.

You can only help someone who wants to be helped and mostly no one wants to be helped because a crisis of some sort usually has to be reached before a person will admit there is a problem let alone ask for help.

You can try recording her unreasonable tempers and playing them back to her to try and concentrate her mind or you could take her up on her offer by throwing her out next time she threatens to leave or you could vote with your feet and leave.

Treating her like an ill-mannered spoiled child and simply ignore her tantrums and do what you have to do in the way you want to do it with a great show that you are completely unaffected, uncaring and unchanged by anything she says or does and you are going to enjoy your dinner as if she weren't there might cause her to either pause for thought or reach that all-important crisis.

Just now her displays of temper bring her favourable results and she has little incentive to stop - just like a spoiled child.

I hope this helps though be warned things could get messy. Throwing her out to deal with her own problem herself might be the best option.

Good luck!
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replied June 19th, 2013
Dear P: She is going to have to commit to getting straight with her own issues, both the drinking itself as well as the issues behind it, BEFORE she can be in a stable relationship with anyone else. Denial about alcohol forces the person to be in denial about anything else related, so you will not have an honest relationship. (1) insist on going to support meetings with her, as well as (2) going to meetings of friends/families of alcoholics who have their own issues to deal with, as you described. you need this anyone. once you know how not to become a caretaker or enabler you will be stronger in all your other relations as well, so it is good to have this understanding and support from others who've been there. Lastly, if you are going to support group meetings, but she is not, that will tell you where you stand and if you deserve better. She will either follow your lead and get help also, or you leave her behind.
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replied June 19th, 2013
Dear P: She is going to have to commit to getting straight with her own issues, both the drinking itself as well as the issues behind it, BEFORE she can be in a stable relationship with anyone else. Denial about alcohol forces the person to be in denial about anything else related, so you will not have an honest relationship. (1) insist on going to support meetings with her, as well as (2) going to meetings of friends/families of alcoholics who have their own issues to deal with, as you described. you need this anyone. once you know how not to become a caretaker or enabler you will be stronger in all your other relations as well, so it is good to have this understanding and support from others who've been there. Lastly, if you are going to support group meetings, but she is not, that will tell you where you stand and if you deserve better. She will either follow your lead and get help also, or you leave her behind.
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