Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

I need someone to talk to because sometimes family is to hard

hi I'm maddy and this is my story.. this may sound like a load of crap because I am 15 and everything is crap to a 15 yr old
but it's not i have been dealing with depression since i was about 8....

i have had alot of home trouble for ages, i didn't get along with my stepdad and my mum always stood up for him against me so it made me feel like she preferred him and that if I left she would be to preoccupied with him and my two half sisters. this made me feel useless, unwanted, and alone for a few years and I would constantly get myself into trouble just so mum would have a reason to talk to me. I back chatted her, made scenes and would do what ever I could so she would have to talk to me. she never asked what was wrong but she knew I didnt like him. after a while Micheal and I started to get along more and I wasn't complaining, I started behaving more, I didn't get grounded as much and things were getting better... at home. school was only a favourite because of the lessons rather than the people. i never really had friends until i hit high school. Due to the fact that it was only about 3 months ago that Micheal and I became friends I was having a great time at school. I had a boyfriend (Chase) and i broke up with him due to my feelings for another guy (Owen) and his behaviour around other girls.

Owen and I started dating though alot of complications came about. His ex who he had been head over heels in love with had told him (while Owen and I were still dating) that she wanted him back and that she loved him. he then avoided me for a week and got his friend to break-up with me. He then also blamed the break-up on me being a !**@! though told the friend that dumped me that it's actually so he can date that girl again. What hurt me about this was Alex (his ex) was a really good friend of mine and then did this behind my back. i have lost alot of friends to this and it only happened about 3 weeks ago. My depression has never been this bad and most of the time I dread going to school. My best friend (doesnt attend my school) is being strange ever since I hooked her up with a guy from my school (who she is dating) the only person at school i can really hang out with is Chase he has changed alot over the 6 months of us not dating and is the only person that knows about my depression. he is helping me alot. he is the only person that makes me feel better.

that is the situation, the effects that it has left is: i feel worthless, like when Owen broke up with me he took half of me with him (which i don't understand because we only dated for a month), i feel like I never really had any friends and they were all just play alongs. i cry myself to sleep every night and only get about 2 hours sleep, I hate school and can never concentrate in class, i had never contemplated this until recently but the other day I picked up a knife and was so close to my wrist until I broke down in tears. i feel that the only things keeping me sane are Chase and music.

is there anyone out there who can read this, make sense of this and help me please i dont know what to do.. ( sorry about spelling mistakes)

thankyou for wasting your time reading this
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replied August 13th, 2012
hey there, i read you post. i dont think its crap or wasteless.. i think regardless of what age you are, your bound to have issues and they are as important as anyone elses. im going to start off about your relationship troubles, first off, it isnt you! and please i know everyone says that.. but it really isnt. you went into a realtionship that wasnt quite ready for you, you were ready for it but he wasnt. he was still distracted by his ex, and thats hard to change. ive been there done that. your ex, chase is going to change, you dont know how he may have really felt inside from the breakup and of course its going to be weird. i am friends with only one of my ex's from high school, sometimes friendship after relationship just doesnt work.. also when i was in high school i didnt have many friends, barely any for a while there, but i realized i didnt because i didnt make that effort, i always thought i must of been a weirdo or just annoying because it seemed no one wanted to hang out with me, i realized i just didnt make an honest attempt to gain friends and fit in, instead i was always trying too hard to be things i wasnt. in my relationship i just got out of a month ago, i lost all my friends, im 23 now, and because of the situation i allowed to happen with my ex i lost all friends, so breaking up was the hardest thing because i couldnt go to my family and i had no friends to go to, i realized the only thing that will help me is me, i am battling a deep depression and seem to keep making stupid uncalled for mistakes, as i seem to get better someone comes and knocks me down, honestly i push myself because i know depression isnt going to do much for me, ive been able to gain a relationship with some of my old friends, as well as open up to my family. being 15 is hard, i remember.. but your a great person, and your already taking the right steps, just by joining this forum. the hardest things in life make us a better person, it seems like you have been through so much and you are still going, you deserve a lot of credit girl, not many people can do that.. you are young, and i know this is another thing everyone says, but you have so much time to find love,if i could of known then what i know now it would be so different for me. when i was younger all i wanted was to be happy and fid love, i always looked for that and ways for that to happen.. when infact, it was up to me.. im here for ya!
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replied August 13th, 2012
thankyou sooo much i was just in tears reading that thankyou. i have a question is it good to open up to ur family?
my problem is my mother is 34 with cardiomiopathy (a heart failure disease) she has two little girls and enough stress to last her forever. i nearly lost her last year and it was the most traumatic experience of my life. i didnt think i should tell her about it because it would put to much stress on her but i dont think i can hide it from her anymore. do u have any ideas??
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replied August 13th, 2012
it is more than good.. its so important and it will change so much. let me tell you.. i went through a horriable situation with my parents divorce, i was the blame. i had so much anger towards my father and my mother, i was NEVER open to my mother, i never wanted to tell her anything, and as far as my dad, talking to him was like meeting a stranger on a train.. when i was having issues with my relationship i realized by reading books a lot of it was because of the divorce and my dad, i ended up writing him a letter and sending it to him, i told him in the letter never to bring it up to me again because i wasnt ready to actually talk about it, i recently was able to open up to him and explain everything to him, i told him everything about my situations and my life, and i realized how much i pushed him away when i needed him most.. i also recently rekindled i guess one could say with my mother, i was never close to her, not really sure why, anger, i felt judged im not sure.. my moms my best friend now and i couldnt be without her. opening up to my mom gave me that insight of a woman i really needed and thought i had. if i could of done it earlier and known how amazing it would be i would of done it. your 15, its normal to be distant with your parents, but in the same time its not necessary.. i think opening up to your family will help you so much, i always kept things hidden inside for so many more reasons than i could even say, when i just exploded and let it all out a month ago, not only did it feel like the weight of the world came off my shoulders, it gave me my family back and the reminder of where i belong in the world.. parents are tough when your young because they love and care about you so much, i never believed it, i thought my mom was the devil, but like i said.. today i can honestly tell you, if i didnt open up, then the feelings of wanting to reconnect with my parents would be so hidden inside me i'd forget. they mean the world to me, honesty will get you so far in life, you need to be honest with those who love you and with yourself. when YOU are ready, talk to you mom... dont push it if your not ready just yet, but she's your mom... she may speak out of anger and hurt back to you, not to hurt you.. but because she too needs to release whats on her mind, just know she loves you and everyone makes mistakes, you might be suprised on how supportive she is and how much alike you two really are..when you hold things inside, thats when it feels worse and seems to get harder.. the key to happiness is in your own hands, so whatever happens.. you are so strong and brave and unstoppable.
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replied August 13th, 2012
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I really hope you feel better sweetie!
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