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I need help for emotional and financial abuse.

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This website as a real great help. I had never known these terms such as emotional abuse, bipolar, financial abuse. I have always loved my husband of 14 years. I really would have given the world for him. During his depressive periods, I have been sitting with him for long periods, consoling him, holding him, hugging him. During his lean periods, I have been supporting him financially, even buyint him petrol for his car, buying his undies, his clothes, and all thhat I could. During the first 10 years, I never told anything to anyone. He had some huge business losses, for which I took loans from the bank. I also have house mortgage and car loan also in my name. If I bring up the topic of paying back the debts, he becomes very angry.
When things start getting better for him in his businesses,(which he keeps on changing from time to time after incurring losses), I have observed that he starts becoming irritated and becomes verbally abusive to me. Then he will shut me out completely for long periods. He is also very good at making stories and has great convincing power(due to his marketing experience). All day long I see him speaking lies to almost everyone, including his business associates.
He is also very secretive about his affairs, doesn't like to tell what he is doing, what he is earning, where he is going. It is only when the troubles start, then he expects me to bail him out, to the extent that he will insist that I accampany him to his business meetings etc. He is not on talking terms with his parents, his siblings, his partners. I know he manipulates me emotionally, as when the difficult times come(and they come very often), it is his strategy to make a sad face, with a worried expression and when I ask him about the reason, very reluctantly tell me something. He will not tell me the whole thing but only the part which he thinks I should know. All through, he has been so manipulative that not even once has he asked for money in an open and direct way, he will play on my emotions to the extent that I will end up offering the very thing exactly as he would have wanted.
He has never been thankful for all the support I have been giving. Instead now he has started saying that I am not doing anything special, in fact this was my duty towards the house. It is always that we have to give our support to him, his hard luck, his depression, his problems and so on. Can any one advise me what should I do. I have 2 daughters aged 13 & 9 years. Though I am financially independent, but still how do I get out of this.
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replied December 9th, 2009
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I really think that you should first talk to a lawyer to see what he says about your financial situation with your husband. afterwords i would think about leaving this losers.
Most people think that it is important for your kids to grow up in a household of two parents, well i have...and i and my other three siblings have mental issues from all the abuse we endured.
like i said talk to a lawyer first he might tell you something i dont know of.

i am 33 y.o single female and my son is 13 years old. i have a boy friend but i live alone. and coming out of a five year mentally abusive relationship, i am happy as a fat cow. and i dont believe no one should live their live miserable.
Plot and plan the things you need to do to leave him.
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Users who thank starship33 for this post: lookforans 

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replied December 9th, 2009
I'm not going to say that all men have this problem, but quite a few do. They are good at feeding off of your emotions. I am only twenty, and I have already gone through this. I don't have kids with him, but it was very hard to get away from him, and to this day he still try s his hardest to make his way back into my life. He lived with me, and one day he left, and moved out and I never let him come back again. He was only nice when he wanted something. Always had a sob story, and didn't get along with his family. I know everyone has problems, but not everyone sits on there butts and just complains about it they get up and do something about it to over come the situation. It's always better to leave, and give an ultimatum. If they meet your demands there worth it if they don't then they aren't. You have two kids that you need to think about, and you don't need anyone negative in your life who's bringing you down only people who are building you up. I hope you have the strength to not let him manipulate you. All you can do is try. It takes two to make a relationship work. Good Luck.
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Users who thank Diamondrose3000 for this post: lookforans 

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replied December 27th, 2009
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Hi ookforans,

You start by picking up the phone and getting a good divorce lawyer on the other end. Then you move out with the girls into an apartment until he moves out of the house. You have been used long enough, you can financially afford to leave...do so. You have given him enough of your time. He won't change, he is living a life of a man who wants and need to be single. A marriage is a union, and contract, and bonding of two people, obviously, he doesn't want that, with you. It is just a matter of time before everyone will know what you and his parents and siblings know...he is a coniving, manuplative, deceptive, lying individual who in the end will end up broke, alone and depressed.

Good Luck

Faded Rose
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