me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a month. he gets pretty rough during sex. the other night we were having sex and he said he was going to get his pistol and if i didnt put it down my throat he would break up with me,he didnt get the pistol,he got a knife instead...he put it on my neck and asked me when it hurts,and once i said it hurts he stopped. Another night he smothered me with a pillow during sex,it scared me. He does things like this alot,he holds my mouth and tells me to shutup. sometimes he acts like he is going to choke me but doesnt put a lot of force. he threatens me in a joking manner but i dont know if he is really joking or not,he says if i cheat on him he will spit in my face or that ill be done with or that he will get some girl to beat me up. We actually have a really good relationship bseides all this..he's not possessive like most guys who are abusive,he doesnt get too jealous,we are happy together. Ohyeah another thing he does during sex is gives me hickeys which is fine but sometimes he bites kinda hard..once he bit my arm and i have a bruise from it. I also have small bruises on my thighs from having sex. He made me give him a hickey thismorning..MADE me. idk im not used to dating guys like this and i dont know if im in a abusive relationship or not. please let me know..thankyou
sarah
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replied May 15th, 2009
Be careful
You should better be careful. Isn't it good to live long with someone who loves you. If you think he is the right person for you and he won't harm you,then go on and take his behaviour as sexual excitement(though a bit rough!). But,first think deeply whether he really loves you or not. Have patience. Regards.
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replied May 15th, 2009
Supporter
careful
Get out now before kids or he harts or even kills you iv been there so get out now
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replied May 21st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Is he violent only during sex? Or is he aggressive and controlling outside the bedroom. This is where you will get your answer. It could be purely sexual. If it is sexual then its not a matter of right or wrong it’s a question for you….”Can you be satisfied with this behavior”

From your post you seem to feel uncomfortable. No matter what don’t put yourself through anything that makes you feel bad. Trust me. It will break down your soul until all you have left is the violence from sex. I say this from experience. I used to be in an abusive relationship. He never raised his voice or hand to me. Never publicly disrespected me. I had money and food But while having sex with me he would talk and manipulate me.

Be careful. If you enjoy the violence in a sexual way there shouldn’t be a problem. I too like aggression during sex. But now my hubby and I BOTH get off in it and its ok. Its really what YOU are ok with.
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replied May 21st, 2009
This is quite domineering behaviour! It sounds quite disturbing actually, I think this is a fetish on his part but somtimes fetishes can get out of hand, he should never make you do any thing you don't want too, sex is a way of showing love for each other, this is not a sign of affection hunni , also sex is supposed to be pleasurable for you both and this does not sound pleasurable for you either, personally I would get out or tell him how this makes you feel and hopfully he will stop how ever it is unlikely
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replied May 21st, 2009
This is quite domineering behaviour! It sounds quite disturbing actually, I think this is a fetish on his part but somtimes fetishes can get out of hand, he should never make you do any thing you don't want too, sex is a way of showing love for each other, this is not a sign of affection hunni , also sex is supposed to be pleasurable for you both and this does not sound pleasurable for you either, personally I would get out or tell him how this makes you feel and hopfully he will stop how ever it is unlikely
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replied May 22nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
agreed. It becomes scary and unsafe when only one is enjoying the domineering. Sex should be pleasurable for both parties.

Most of these behaviors stem from abuse. Maybe he was abused as a boy or taught by someone that this is making love. Or this is how a woman is treated…I don’t know.

Mine comes from being hurt as a girl and held down. Its still shameful sometimes to admit that I like this now. Its very sick. But im in therapy and Daniel and I work together to make sure no bad feeling pass between us. He had to show me that making love and possessing a woman are 2 totally different things and that sex isn’t supposed to be dirty, just don’t keep doing something you don’t like to do. It will mess with your mind.
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replied May 31st, 2009
Supporter
he probably get off doing those things during sex. you should tell him that you dont like it and not to do it again.
everything that i've been through i would be scared being around him when he gets mad.
you just met him so you don know what he's capable of. dont ignore the red flags, sometimes relationships dont unveil until the 6-9month when everyone is comfortable with each other. meaning if he likes that in bed, what else does he likes, or what else will he do.
proceed with caution, you have been forewarned.
ive dealt with abuse the majority of my life and something like that will make me run as fast as i can.
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replied October 8th, 2009
He is obviously a sexual deviant. Dominance and submissance is fine if both parties enjoy it. The fact that he is forcing this behaviour upon you and threatening you is not a good sign.

Most murderers and serial killers practise this same behaviour with their partners.

If somebody fantasises about violent sex, they feel the need to take it a step further by 'acting' out the fantasises with a partner.

Sooner or later this is not enough and the person needs to do it for real.

I am not suggesting that your boyfriend is a homicidal maniac...But it is possible.

You need to talk to him about his sexual behavior and tell him that it is a turn off or that it makes you feel afraid and threatened.

His reaction should be enough to help you make a decision on whether he is right for you or not.
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replied October 8th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I think it is a bit "full on"....normally if a man want to initiate this kind of behaviour in the bedroom then he speaks about it with his partner first....you dont just bring a knife to the bedroom and put it on your gf. I think you should speak to him ask him why he likes to do this and if your not happy with it then tell him it has to stop or the relationship cant go on...good luck..jenny
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