Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

I'm overwhelmed and can't cope anymore

I'm almost 40 years old and have always been and independent person. I've always been proud of my strength to get through things. I've struggled many times im my life and have had some serious bouts of depression. But right now is like no other! I've had a lot happen this year. My father passed I'm January, and there has been a lot of family turmoil because of that. I've been stressed because of school. I recently went back to college to change careers and just a few weeks ago started an intense program that will last 2 years. In order to be able afford school, I had to give up my home, my private space and move in with friends. At first it wasn't bad but the last 6 months have been very hard. I miss my sanctuary. I miss my things. I miss having my own place to retreat to when I need to study or be alone. The hardest part was last year I finally after 14 years gave love a chance. I met a man and absolutely fell head over heels in love. He has been so amazing and wonderful and has been my distraction and support system for the past year. Last week we broke up. He's been dealing with his own stress and doesn't know how to cope either. Instead of coming to me or seeking help he started drinking more and talking to other girls. I am absolutely devastated! My heart is completely broken. I wake up in the middle of the night crying. I cry in the way to school and on the way home. I have NEVER felt this way about a man before! We spoke this week an he is getting counseling and I have an appt Monday as well. There has not been any talk of reconciliation. Just we both broke down and told each ither how much we loved the other and how sorry we are.
In the mean time I've been sick for about 3 weeks. Nausea, vomiting diarrhea. I've been to urgent care and ER and they just tell me it's a virus that needs to run it's course. But that I need to see a Gastro specialist. I've lost 20lbs so far.
I am weak and tired all the time. So I have very little energy to get out to distract myself so I just sit at home being depressed.

We left it that I would keep him up to date on my health and he would call me after this counseling session.

I'm at the end of my rope. When I wake in the middle of te night paniced and sad I have been tempted to take a few extra pills to just let me fall asleep and be done.
I don't want to die though. I know and can recognize the blessings in my life. Mg great friends who have been there for me and of course my beautiful daughter who is 19.
I won't and can't end it. That I know but I just can't handle this pain anymore!!!
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replied September 7th, 2014
Virus or not, stress and possible anxiety could be affecting your health, I'm not a doctor but just consider it. I lost the girl of my dreams and am holding on to the hope that one day we can be what we once were, but I have to face reality and make due with the possibility that I may lose her forever, but I promised myself it wouldn't be the end of my world. As a guy, I rarely cry when depressed, I used to get extremely angry. It sounds like you have your head on your shoulders so I'll say this much about myself. I have faced abuses since I was in the third grade (physical), mental and emotional (father), and sexual (6th grade teacher). I have been through literal hell losing my younger brother to a disease when he was 25. I'm 35 now and he was a year younger, damn I miss him. I rarely ever hear from my little sister or father. I lost the love of my life this past June and In this year alone 2014, I have lost my grandmother in Jan. My mother to pneumonia in Feb., and two uncles as of late, the latest being about a week ago. so I know hell as if it were my best friend. You are depressed and it's the on thing I know a bit about in regards to defeating it ever single time it tries to say Hello, I say oh Hell no!! Please read my post and try to understand that the gist of it is to understand depression in the simplest of terms because you are overwhelmed as it is, and when you simply the whole darned thing as far as what it is, the symptoms, and how to engage it mentally, it gets SO, SO, SO much easier to deal with. You are stronger than you think or you wouldn't be here, which also makes you smart Wink Hang in there and I hope this post helps in some small way. Sincerely UpnUp
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replied September 13th, 2014
Physical symptoms can manifest themselves for inner turmoil. I too have wanted to end it, and not really wanting to die, but just wanting the freight train in my head to turn off. You are strong, and you need to be kind to yourself. Acknowledge the hurt you have been through and forgive yourself. It takes one step and one day at a time.
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