Medical Questions > Mental Health > PTSD Forum

I'm afraid of the vast majority of things, Is this PTSD?

This is probably going to be a long question as, honestly, I'm not sure what I am doing here. My boyfriend has concerns that I may have PTSD and having a quick look over the symptoms on a couple websites, I feel I fit the bill, so to speak.

I went through a 'traumatic' experience about 3 years ago. It was abuse from my father and I both witnessed it (with my 3 sisters and step-mother) and recieved it. I lived with my father, in a different country and away from my mother, for 2 months before finally getting away. I felt trapped and isolated.

At the same time, I had a sexually abusive boyfriend who was also verbally abusive.

Now, this is affecting my quite badly in my everyday life to the point where I am scared to go outside. I'm afraid of the vast majority of things which is very irrational in my eyes. I have about 2 or 3 nightmares a night for 4 or so days out of the week. The rest of my nights are restless and I am unable to sleep. There are times when I remember the things that happened at extremely inappropriate times. I can be sat on the bus, staring out of the window, and I will suddenly remember something and get very frightened and start to panic. My fear of leaving the house is due to encountering men, I am afraid of men, as silly as it sounds. I have to take time to get to know a man before I can be comfortable around them. And by time, I mean months and months. I met my boyfriend in September, we started dating the same month, however I wouldn't even let him touch me in anyway (hugs, kisses, holding hands even) until we'd been dating a month or two months.

In the last year or so, I have been constantly on edge, even in my bedroom... I can't walk down my street without looking over my shoulder everytime a bird rustles in the bushes or a car goes past. I tense up and my pace quickens and I pretty much run home. I'm avoiding going out, and seeing people. I'm terrified of meeting new people because I have this irrational fear of the person I am meeting to be my ex-boyfriend.

I can't help feeling guilty about leaving my sisters with my father and I worry about them just as much. I've hallucinated both visual and auditory - relating to my experience. I'll be walking down my street and I'll see my ex-boyfriend stood at the end of the road. I've been laid in bed after a bad dream, trying to get back to sleep, and I will panic and be in a state of fear and hear my sisters screaming and crying. It's honestly terrifying and almost disabling. I dropped out of college because the college I was going to was the same one my father went to, and so every two seconds I was reminded of him and what happened.

I am currently seeing a Clinical Nurse at CAMHS (UK mental health service for under 18s) however, honestly she is useless. I asked to be changed and to have a new lady to speak to, but the Clinical Nurse told me she reffered me for an assessment for depression and the whole asking to be swapped was ignored. The psychiatrist told me I was fine and just being a teenager, but she was looking for symptoms of depression, not PTSD and I had no idea about PTSD then. My boyfriend only just brought it up in the last couple weeks. And it got me worried.

Does this sound like PTSD? And how should I talk to my therapist about it - I am very nervous and not exactly blunt when she asks me questions. The psychiatrist asked how I was, and how I was sleeping and I just told her I was fine.
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replied March 24th, 2014
Dear Noxxie13,

Firstly I have to say that I am really sorry that you have been through all that you have been through in your life so far. I was abused by my teacher at school when I was 11 and it was nowhere near as traumatic as your terrifying ordeal, but it has severely affected my life ever since. First I developed Anorexia because I thought he chose me because I was fat, after I bumped into his wife at the court case and she was morbidly obese. Following this I was diagnosed with PTSD. So yes, I think it is very likely that you are suffering with PTSD and if you get the right help from CAHMS you can recover. I had a great treatment with CAHMS called EMDR (Eye Movement Directional Replacement therapy - I think that is what it stands for), and I am almost fully recovered from the PTSD. Your symptoms are very familiar to me, I too used to be scared to leave the house and constantly scared that I was being followed. The nightmares were so vivid and horrifying that I would wake up with my heart racing, sweating and out of breath. Despite recovering to an extent I still found intimacy with my boyfriend very difficult, we waited a long time and even then I would shake from head to toe when I was undressed or he was warming up to it so to speak. Don't take no for an answer, it is your right to speak to a different person if you need to. I spoke to a rubbish lady at CAHMS for my Eating Disorder and it wasn't until my mum demanded that I see a different psychiatrist that I was diagnosed two years later with PTSD, so don't wait any longer. You deserve to live a fear free life, and you will achieve that if you get the right help. Please let me know if I can be of any help, feel free to Private Message me, you went through an awful ordeal and your boyfriend has done a great job to pick up on the PTSD, now you can get the help you need. Stay strong, life is worth living, trust me, it gets easier.

Best wishes.
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replied October 3rd, 2018
My darling life sucks in general for many people... It began when my grandfather and someone else began to molest me at age 4... since i was abused by my mother, neglected by my father, bullied all the way through school(at the same time suffering acute paranoia and voives etc) when i left home at 17 the assaults just kept coming! My life has been not much more than lies and abuse of my trust, all that i have has beenstolen from me more than once and ive been raped, gang raped, assaulted repeatedly over time(although my dad ran SAS and his mates taught me well how to look after myself)that's why ive survived, ive been stabbed 3 times, been held at gunpoint when robbed at work, always seem to land in dead-end abusive aquaintanceships with men and the list truly goes on ad on... But sweet heart it does get better. all of a sudden one day everything clicks into place and you can look back logically and with much less emotion- you have to start with talking about it all as much and as bluntly as you can- pretend your councellor isnt even there and scream at the walls until it starts to reorder in your mind and it will all spill out. Once you can talk abpout it you need to forgive! EVERYONE including YOU! It's not your fault and although i cant say nothing bad will ever happen again it sounds like you're very safe with your new man.He will save you I promise- you simply need to trust him and dont push him away cos you're scared. You need to let go of the past and hold on to now and trust that in the future you will be strong enough to get past it all. I had complex ptsd, paranoid schizophrenia,anxiety, manic depression, acute agrophobia and all sorts of other issues. YOU ARE NOT SICK AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME so get stronger and fight for your life honey... it's worth living beleive me!
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