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I'm a man so there's no way I'm bipolar?... Or not?

I can't be bipolar. I'm a man. If there's a problem then I just need to be stronger. That's always been my thinking. It still is in away. I struggle everyday. I know something isn't right. It's obvious. This cycle of building up my life and then destroying it over and over again. I've hurt the people I care about the most. I feel so capable and strong. I feel like I can do great things. I'm destined for great things. I just have to get up and do it. So I walk the world with complete confidence. The world is mine and I'm here to take it, and nothing will stop me. I start it off doing good. I get a job and work very hard. I learn so fast and I'm so packed with energy and I do things so fast and efficient. This goes on until I feel I'm the best. Raises and promotions come. And it feeds the thought of me taking my great destiny. But it's not enough and not coming fast enough. Then I start to do even more. Taking my money and selling drugs at work. You have to remember I'm destined for great things and the world isn't going to give it to me. Even if it take it legal or illegal. So I start selling pot. It starts off good. I start getting 2 pay checks at work one from selling pot and one from my paycheck. Plus all the pot I can smoke. Soon it starts taking a turn for the worse. I start trying to acquire more and more product. Soon the money I think I'm making I really owe more than I make. So then I owe drug dealers. Pressure starts to build. I start drinking more. I start to look for a confrontation. And I get what I want. Each confrontation feeds the next. Then my family starts to take notice. Or they've noticed for a while I just notice they notice. You have room remember while I'm doing all these things I still have 2 daughters and a 10 year relationship with my daughter's mother. So then my relationship is crumbling and I can't fix it. Then boom! I cheat on my girlfriend, loose my family, home, job, and car. I loose it all. I owe money for drugs too. Plus I've started doing drugs and drinking on regular basis. The depression has set in. And it's just started. I feel so down I can't do anything but want to die. I start having visions of killing myself. Then I make a good plan. I started to go through with it and realized I didn't want to do that but I felt the urge so strong. I've had prior close call attempts already. So I got scared and drove myself to the hospital. They talk to me and tell me the usual someone loves you crap and let me got in a couple hours. So then after that. I feel if I want to die and I'm not going to kill myself then I'll die on the street. I start doing more drugs and started stealing and robbing. The stealing and robbing becomes another addiction. I spiral out of control. My girlfriend gets a new boyfriend and let's me know a she's probably gonna move in with him. I loose it. I get drunk and blame her for everything. How could she replace me? But our home? I helped build that. I can't let him have it. So I got extremely drunk and high on pills. I went and kicked our door in and took our TV and video game. I did this while they were out for Halloween. It was my fault these things were happening to me. Not her or my family. But I wasn't done. I took the TV and dropped it off. Went driving around and drinking and stealing more. If I could do that to my family, then I'm going to do it to the world. So I fill my truck up with stolen stuff and crash in a ditch. I abandon the vehicle and walk and start stealing. After the crash I don't remember much at all. But the police report helps explain. I apparently got caught trying to steal a truck and the guy comes out with a bat and we fight.i get beat with the bat and tazed by the cops. I don't blame none of them. So now I face felonies after already a long criminal history. And I don't know what's going to catch up to me. My life is done at this point. I expect a 40 year sentence to catch up to me. But wait I'm blessed. After a couple of months in jail. Someone pays my bond 2 days before Christmas. I'm free. But on house arrest. Not done yet. She forgives me. I slowly got her back. I move back with my family in a new home. I stop drinking. No other criminal charges are pressed and I beat the original case after a year of fighting and being on house arrest. Things were going good. But now Chaos Is returning. I thought I had a handle on it. I felt good, I got another chance. But I'm loosing my grip slowly. That story is just one example of similar situations in my life. I'm scared and I can't even mention the guilt and the effects of other things in my life. I know I have a problem. I just don't know how to manage.
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replied February 11th, 2016
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Please get some help...Only a qualified doctor can help you...This is something you cannot handle by yourself...nor can anyone here...Good luck....

Caroline...
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