i walked away from my boyfriend for good last night. ive been with him for two years, im 20 and hes 30 i know abit of an age gap but its never really been too much of an issue..he was suffocating me, i felt like i couldnt do anything without telling him and i had to ring him on his command! i lived with him for a little while and sometimes our arguments got a little heated, ive lost friends over this and my family really dont like him. but now ive finished with him he keeps sending me texts saying hes sorry and that i must be cheating or i dont love him...the thing is i do love him..so much he just pushes me away with his possesivness...is it easier to just get back with him and save all this hassle? i know thats weak but thats how i feel right now..

i just want to be treated right : {

can he change????
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replied March 19th, 2009
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Hi
GOnna be blunt and honest as is my policy....been there, done that. First yo uare only 20, he is a control freak and feels possessive over you. He will be jealous and try to manipulate your every move. Of course he's texting....trying to put oyu on a guilt trip....I know wen you say you love him, its really really hard to listen to what I am telling you......but it took a lot of courage and strength for you to walk away.......and I am proud of you for this. Many times these tyoe of arguments turn into physical abuse...and i am jsut glad yo ugot out before that had a chance t happen. You are young. You have the whole world ahead of you....I for one do not see him changing.....you are the younger and he will contiue to be "your boss"......Stand your ground. Ther are a lot of wonderful guys out htere looking for someone specail like you.........why settle or run back into a crappy relationsship. Love is blind.....and I found out its also deaf and dumb too. Hopefully you can chalk this up as a leanring experience and have a greater life! Hugs!
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replied March 19th, 2009
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Block his number...

He will not change..he has had two years of your life and it has not been great...

If you were to take him back he will find creative ways to keep you under his thumb.

He has lived out his 20's and now it is your turn WITHOUT him Smile

Be strong and don't look back ... you deserve so much more.
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replied March 20th, 2009
thaks guys it feels god knowing that it isnt me thats spoilt the relationship like he likes to tell me. what do i do i just want him out my life for good but i know its not going to be that easy. last time i walked away he obsessivly text and rang me, and then i saw him driving his exs car! i turned into a green eyed monster and took him back! i really dont want him to do this again to me.

p.s he keeps saying that i dont care about him and cant possibly love him if i can just leave it like this..is he right?
am i just cold hearted, coz ive never thought i was until now x
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replied March 20th, 2009
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Stand Your Ground
You are not cold hearted, this control freak thinks he has you by the Cahonas (testicles). You have allowed him ot get away with things in the past, this is just another one of his plots to try to put you on a guilt rips....then feel sorry and go back.......to WHAT? THe same ole song and dance.....Stnad oyur ground....man up....you can care about and still love someone yet, walk away from them. Hard to do, but you did it, and deep inside you know you did the right thing. As Zigmeister said....bock hi messages, phone number, whatever it takes....if he keeps on, get a restraining order. SOmetimes we gilrshae ot take drastic measure....In hte meantime, if you are truly done with this....do not lead him on or instigate anything.
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replied March 20th, 2009
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You ask if you are cold-hearted...NO!

Ignore him, change your number...move if you need too... it probably irks him to no end that you are able to live your life without him.

Good for you...be strong (if you need to cry...go ahead, get it out of your system and don't look back)...

Don't fall for any of his traps that he will set to try to win you back...
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replied March 24th, 2009
I have to agree, it's good to leave and not look back. I wasn't controlling so far as I can determine but I did the text and begging thing, I didn't listen, etc. I feel like a hypocrit commenting at all but I'm trying my best (postings, therapy, etc) to change.

My point is, my ex calling me didn't help me or her. I think if you breakout, stay out...you need to take care of yourself. And yes, getting out will be worth the hassle.

I'm sorry, it took tons to even get me to realize I was being an ass, he probably doesn't see it in himself but don't let yourself believe it's your responsibility to teach him...he needs to figure it out himself or he will always be that way and nothing you can do will change that. Just take care of yourself.
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Users who thank brokeninside for this post: Fairy Godmother 

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replied March 24th, 2009
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Welcome & Thanks for the advice
Welcome to eHealth. Appreciate hearing from "the other side". Thank you for posting. I just know this is sure to help someone out there!
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replied March 26th, 2009
I need to clarify...I did NOT tell my ex who to see and what to do, but I was so needy I tried to take all her time. So yes, I was controlling. Not because I wanted to be "boss" but because I was so needy I was overbearing. Doesn't really matter either way, it hurt her and I was wrong.

Whew...I got lots of work to do!

I stand by my prior note...best for you to move on...
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