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I ignored every red flag I saw, I still have not recovered

I was with my ex for 14 months. It was the craziest roller-coaster ride I have ever been on. Started off very intense first night we met. She pursued me hard with little regard for my boundaries for myself, son, job, schedule. She had a very dysfunctional life, not best mother and her home life was a wreck. Her past was very "shady", and she has been in numerous LTR's over past few years before me. Also had weird R/S with ex husband and her son was actually a black kid who she denied to world that he was black (both her and the supposed dad were white). She had no family/friends and no one from her past that were still around. It grew into an abusive R/S on both sides, but she was definitely the first one to start the patterns that led me down a path of mental anguish and confusion I still have not recovered from. She moved so fast with me and her life was so screwed up that it nearly scared me away with 3 weeks after meeting her. She was beautiful and there was something about her that made me powerless, so I ignored every red flag I saw, which there were about 20. After month 2, I tried maintaining boundaries, she seemed to spiral out of control when it came to everything and blamed it on me being "hot and cold" ( I was this way because of her red flags and behavior). 3 months after the start of us, she lost 2 jobs, and had a lot of drama with her son and ex husband. It was around this time I found her cheating on me with random men (2) she met while out binge drinking. She then admitted she was bipolar, I stayed to help her and get her into treatment. After she got on meds, she evened out a little, but then she started being down all the time and was always being a victim when we would have issues or she felt like she wasn't getting her needs met (by me just living and maintaining the best I could). Nothing was ever good enough, and I started having mental problems of my own. Long story short, in the end she left ME, and moved in with another man within 3 months after we were over (she started seeing him during end of our R/S). She wrote to me in emails post break up (last one was just last week) that she was doing this (moving in with him) because she was losing her house, her kid needed a father figure and that she had some love for him. I asked her if she was in love with him and had passion, she said no that he would never give her that and I was only man that could. Said he was her security. Well this was all through e-mail, and I sent her new guy every part of the conversation. She lashed out at me and flipped out, but I didn't care. From what I hear, he is still going to allow her to move in and she is getting what she wants. What do you guys see ending up to her? Why and how can someone live like this?

Let me also add that when she left me, she said it was because her son hated me. She put the blame on him entirely and still uses him as the reason for being in this new relationship, moving in with another man so quickly and for the reason she chose him. She was obviously pursuing this guy before she ended it for good, and I have proof of that. He is from what I hear pretty decent guy with three young daughters from previous marriage. She tells me his girls love her (after 3 months???) and that that is also a reason for the moving in so quickly. Her house was being foreclosed on when we split and she admitted this also was a factor in what she was doing.

How can this guy, after seeing all the things she said to me in black and white email, still risk his life and that of his daughters with this woman? I know I got sucked in from beginning and lost me self esteem, but do a lot of guys have this happen to them?

I'm sorry for rambling, but my head is so jacked I can barely think straight and I am still hurting so bad.

Why do I still care and struggle with this? I need advice, please!
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Last edited by mindfk2014 on June 25th, 2014 09:52 AM; edited 1 time in total
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replied September 4th, 2014
Hope things are improving for you
Sad to see no one has replied to you. I just wanted to say that I have recently experienced a break up with my long term BP boyfriend and I feel a little stronger and like my old self each day. Don't let her seemingly wonderful new relationship distract or upset you. You know first hand what being with her was like and she may be on good behavior at the moment but it won't last. (I fear for her new bf's children - they should not be exposed to this kind of emotional/mental destruction). Work on clearing your head and trying to heal from the hurt and betrayal you have experienced. Take things one day at a time. Best of luck.
Ps you are still upset/care because you loved her and are a good person who experience normal emotions and will grieve when a relationship ends. That is natural. Many people with BP move on - often before one relationship is even over- because they have difficulty being alone, and in this case she is looking for someone to take care of her / provide for her etc. Be glad she has moved on- you deserve a healthy, happy relationship with someone who will love and respect you- always - not just when the mood strikes them or they need something.
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