I have anorexia. I know I do, and I hate to admit it. Lately I've been living off of 150 to 300 calories a day. Whenever I try to eat more I feel sick. I used to be 120 pounds, but I felt so fat. I would look in the mirror and all I would see was fat. Now I can see my chest and rib bones. I tried to tell my family but they yelled at me. I am a vegetarian but I eat vegan whenever I can because I believe it's wrong and unecessary to do otherwise but my parents don't approve. No one has really noticed yet, but I will drink a lot of water or eat a piece of pie or something if anyone does to try and look a little less bony. I hate the bones. I just always saw people like Alexis Ren, Candice Swanepoel, Caroline Deisler and I wanted so badly to look like them. I exercise all the time until I pass out or feel close to it. Please help. I know what I am doing is wrong but I am so afraid of gaining weight. Is there anything I can do to look like those girls without eating so little and exercising so much?
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replied February 20th, 2017
Hey there
I'm not sure there is a quick answer to your question but first of all, just because these girls look good in a bikini (and I would have to say that IMO C. Deisler is way passed skinny and her lifestyle is very unhealthy) doesn't mean they feel good about themselves. Obviously I'm not in their head but they must feel terribly pressured to remain slim and toned and might be just as scared as you are to gain weight because their whole life depends on their jeans size... That being said, I'm currently recovering from a severe eating disorder and working with a nutritionist, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a sufferologist, I'm starting an MBCT program (Mindfulness based cognitive therapy) and one more 6 weeks program taught by a psychiatrist "dealing with your emotions"... I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're thinking it all wrong. You first need to reach for help, take care of yourself, body and mind. Surround yourself with specialists that will help you stop these extremely harmful behaviours before they do more damage. Believe me, the longer you wait, the stronger your beliefs become and the harder it is to recover. The reason I'm saying this is because if you're not in a healthy state of mind, reaching your goal weight/body size will NOT make you feel like any achievement at all. I'm 5'9 1/2, currently 115lbs, size 0, toned - and I've always been - and until a few month ago I would eat and purge till my mouth and stomach hurt. Now a days, I'm still the same jean size and at the same weight, I don't have unhealthy behaviors anymore, but it's been a looooong (10 yEears) and rocky road and to this day I'm still very scared of gaining weight. I feel a great relief not harming my body anymore but still feel imprisoned in my mind and I hate it when people say I'm so lucky to look like I do. They don't know the tenth of it. That's the reason why you should really get help because you will never feel at peace with your body, even if you look like Alexis, if you don't dismantle every single false belief that's in your head first. TRUST me on this. Be happy, then be skinny and by the time you're happy, being that skinny and sticking to a strict diet for it (they do, trust me on this too) might be the least of your concern. That is my goal. I hope it is yours soon too.
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replied January 4th, 2019
I know what you mean, I'm a runner and my coach pushes me to be fast and have to remain skinny at all times. It means I hardly eat, exercise until exhaustion and run twice a day. I'd 6ft and weight 116lbs and have to get down below 100lbs, but i'm starving and sometimes pass out with hunger.
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