Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

I have a past and it's taken it's toll. Feel like I'm done.

If I fail at something I beat myself up about it. In front of people I berate myself something horrible and it scares my mom, some of my friends. I feel worthless. I feel like all eyes on me and sometimes I wonder if people really aren't my friends at all but they just tolerate me. Tonight it happened. I usually walk away go on my own alone and burst into tears.

At 18 I lost my father to violent crime. At 22 I was accused and charged with Child molestation of my own godson by his father and my cousin. I was blindsided and arrested at my job, spent 14 days in jail and waited 3 horrible months when they told the authorities he had made it up. The police went into my life and found out I'm Bi and told my family! 3 more months and the charges were dropped. No public apology, nothing! I forgave them to salvage my relationship with my godson cuz I love him. I helped my mom raise him today because they are druggies. I'm glad I had a lot of friends who believed in me during that time.

I used to abuse alcohol but always was fitness oriented. I still am. I hardly drink anymore. No drugs.

But I have the craziest worries. I used to be afraid to even talk to kids or anything. And Kids flock to me. I am in a town where my family doesn't even talk to me cuz they think I'm weird; so I worry about what they spread about me. I am alone and afraid to meet anyone because who the hell is gonna want to hear that? I feel as I'll never be accepted or married like damn near everyone else is. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just go what the hell is wrong with me? I don't see anything bright on the horizon and I'm not getting any younger. I feel invisible worthless. The S word is often very inviting.

Don't know where to turn anymore? Hell, I'm probably boring all of you!
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 4th, 2012
I guess i was boring. adios amigos
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 23rd, 2012
Wow I am not surprised at all.
It is June 21st
and I lost my mom on may 21st
how nuts is that.
I went on a trip and it was helpful but I came home to find my mom dead in her room from Pulmonary embolism.
And now I am messed up mentally.
You people are a bunch of phonies.

Was my situation too bad for any of you? I AM NOT A TROLL, if that is what you think? I am just hurting like the rest of you and fake smiling my way thru life.

I could use some help, I really could. Please
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....