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I feel straight but online behaviors/fantasies have confused me

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Hello everyone, hey
I hope ya'll are having a great day.

I am a 25 yr old woman and in real life I have no desire to be with women Exclamation
I am a virgin (non religious reasons, just don't feel too comfortable being intimate with a guy before marriage or some form of real commitment). I can see an attractive guy and get to know him and feel a sense of "he's cute" in a date-able way. With women, I can acknowledge her being beautiful but have no desire to experiment sexually or she her in a date able way at all. But I have recently started analyzing a few things based on porn/fantasies, some internet cyber sex I engaged in as a teen and some other online activities and it has made me feel confused about what my sexual orientation is and what do I base it on? Do I base it on how i feel in real life or on the porn/fantasies and other behaviors outlined below?

I've outlined all the behaviors that have me questioning in detail below, sorry for being long I just had to get this out there:

-When I was 10 years old, I noticed a naked picture of a woman on a magazine and stared at it and definitely made an intention to check the picture out. I didnt fantasize bout the naked woman at this age and dont recall feeling any butterflies.

-When I was a mid teens (I am in my mid 20s now) I engaged in cyber sex with a girl (text only) and got turned on but didnt go back to chatting with her after that one time. During the same age time period, I also pretended to be a boy online several times and private messaged a few girls and flirted with them-can't remember if the chats got sexual but I may have enjoyed it. Again, I spoke to each girl just once and didnt establish an emotional connection with them at all. During this time (16-18 years old) my internet behaviors didn't translate to real life feelings i.e. when I was at school, I never had any crushes on girls or anyone from the same sex. I also didnt analyse why I did what I did and never thought much about it.

-For a few years in my life until now I have watched lesbian content (porn, erotic movies with sexual scenes) and seen pictures of naked women( one woman who i got aroused looking at was on social media and she was half dressed, other were also images on the internet) and I have been turned on and have fantasized and masturbated about being with a woman. Yet again, no desire to experiment or be with women in real life.

-i also fantisised about a female athlete in a sexual way but when i look at her now i cant understand why i did it as i am not attracted or have a crush on her. I also in the past got briefly turned on seeing a naked cleavage pic of celebrity woman but again do not have a crush on her and i am not attracted to her nor do i want to be with her in anyway.

-I follow two female celebrities (one is a famous model) and one non famous fashion model and I think I follow them for the fashion but someone told me that because I dont 100% have a solid answer for following them then that may indicate that I am attracted to them. The thing is I have never desired to be with them and have felt no arousal from looking at their pictures so does that mean I am attracted to them? In contrast, I also follow male celeb pages and some of them I think are attractive in a date-able way but I follow mainly for their content also.

-Also I've orgasmed to thought of being with a woman but have also fantasized about being with men but have not reached orgasm thinking of men (I am a virgin and find it difficult thinking what it would feel like and whilst I haven't been with a woman I do think the similar body makes it easier to think about). I had two brief sexual thoughts months ago (that both lasted like two or three minutes) about a female celebrity and then a female colleague and got turned on. I then went to work to see if I felt anything for the female colleague and I just felt blank-no desire, no romance-just blank.

I've spent months analyzing whether I like women and have even gone so far as looking at a female colleagues chest to see if I felt anything and all I got was "you're a creep for checking her out" but felt no desire to kiss her or be with her sexually or romantically. I have zero desire to even actually experiment with real women and have no history of ever having a crush on a real woman. When I think of who I would like to be in a relationship with, I think of men, I just have a low desire to actually entertain or even pursue that type of relationship at this moment in time as I am not ready for anything serious and not interested in casual intimacy with random stranger who are not long term partner prospects at all.

Please note all of the above has happened in the span of 15 years. And if anyone responds a big thank you to you ahead of time as you'd be helping me understand myself better and understand sexuality better!
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replied December 9th, 2017
Community Volunteer (online)
You are overthinking things way too much. Do you have anxiety or OCD issues?

Just live your life. You do not have to classify yourself. Go where your feelings take you and what you feel good about. Classifying yourself as lesbian, heterosexual or bisexual is not going to change who you are today.

Fantasies, what you masturbate and orgasm to does not make you heterosexual or bisexual or lesbian. It is just a fantasy, not real life. Go out, live, experience life. Life is not a neat little packaged and labeled experience. It is messy, fun and full of uncertainty. And that is perfectly fine.
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Users who thank kristigraham for this post: zoe386 

replied May 19th, 2018
Hey Kathy, I know its been a long time since this thread but I recently remembered this thread after having discussions with lgbt and some straight folks who told me that by I am bisexual based on:

1) the time length of my fantasies (on and off 15 years) and;
2) more specifically because I have only been able to orgasm to active thoughts of making out with a woman sexually and not orgasm to thought about being sexual with men (but was aroused by such thoughts ).

Despite, informing those forum users that I have never felt a desire or attraction to women in actual flesh and that since embarking on a no porn/erotic content journey, I no longer have lesbian thoughts or orgasms (I used the porn to first arouse me and then would switch it off to actively think about making out with a woman and this would lead to orgasms). The porn/erotic content is important because without it first acting as a stimulus then I am unable to have lesbian fantasies. Apparently lgbt forum members believe fantasizing about women whilst watching porn=normal for straight women but switching off porn to fantasize=bisexual or heavy leaning towards being a lesbian. I also had a bisexual/gay person tell me that because I am a virgin my fantasy life and orgasms= my sex life so it does define my sexual orientation.

I just was interested on where you wrote "what you masturbate and orgasm to does not make you heterosexual or bisexual or lesbian". Would this apply to those of us who have only been able to orgasm to same sex thoughts but not orgasm to thoughts about the opposite gender (men in my case). Also is this from your own knowledge or from research? I ask because there seems to be such varied opinions on what defines one's sexual orientation and it seems puzzling for anyone out there like to me to decipher who and what opinion to take as a way to measure sexual orientation. I know this may not matter to a lot of people but for me I really like knowing things and Im intrigued you could say. Maybe I shoudlnt wonder so much but I really like knowing things. I've also realised recently though that I am unlikely to really ever be with someone sexually or romantically (I like being on my own and dont feel a strong desire to date so this may just be the way I am wired to be forever)
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replied June 13th, 2018
Experienced User
Fantasies are not bad at all. You can imagine whatever comes to your head. This does not mean you have to belong to any of the sex communities
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