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I feel like the walking dead after husband became abusive

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My husband became an addict in 2003 from an operation but was one before I married him I found out later. Had a wonderful 18 year marriage no problems with my children not one fight ever. Then from 2003 hell broke out I was diagnosed with a brain anresyum 2007 which is the year I found out hb was doing drugs. He worked for a housing and the projects so it was out there for him plus stealing medicine in cabinets, I suffered my operation one week later I was watching my two grandchildren again , my husband started to be abuise knocked me down with stitches in my head , every time I called the police I let him off. The abuise became so normal after so many years there now diagnose me a stockhome sys drone. My daughters have turned way from be because I didn't leave.
Now all I have is physical ailments which is causing disabilities. I have osterarthris in my hands 13 surgeries more to go lost the use to eat or cut food. Doesn't matter I don't eat any more. I DONT GO ANY WHERE ANY MORE. I HAVE LOST ALL INTERTEST IN LIVING. I PRAY EVERYNIGHTR I WONT BE HERE. IM NOT AFARID TO DIE. THIS IS HELL AND I WANT TO BE SET FREE.

How can I sell my house and belonging move to somewhere smaller with no help . I can't get ban operation with no one picking me up. I have nothing no money no family just a house and a cat. I don't want to live but every time I start to make my life I don't go through with it . Why. ? Please I need some love and comfort. I have suffered over 10 years of cruel abuise from a man I adored who changed over night. My children don't respect me any more , here I sit alone on mothers day just as every other holiday and birthday.

My daughters and I spoke daily , no I don't even seen men grandchildren its killing m,e in side. Im dead .
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replied May 25th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy

I am so sorry to learn how you have been treated and how it has made you become.
The world can be a very cruel place. I expect you kept letting your husband off from some sort of sense of compassion or understanding but instead of your goodness being repaid, life gives you a few extra kicks while you are still down and gasping for breath.

I suppose you realise letting him off was the worse thing you could ever do for him, for yourself and for your children.
People, men especially, are often little more than children themselves and children can be very cruel though fortunately it is usually unintentional cruelty. The Bible story of the guy who removed the thorn from the lion's paw and the lion later showed it's gratitude might have happened but mostly it is a load of old tosh. Lions eat meat and breed and are very territorial and they don't know how to be any other way.

Lions do what lions do and so it is with people.
Addicts are no different as they know how to get the next fix and care about nothing else and will bite the hand that feeds them without a second thought.

Your immediate problems have been caused in part because you forgot how to be righteously angry.

If you could raise a little anger and outrage now you would discover you aren't as dead inside as you believe yourself to be.
I expect you would find you are only hibernating and not dead at all...

I have every reason to believe you are thousands of miles away from me so I can't visit you. I fully expect there are lots of people close to you who are better placed to advise you how to go about downsizing where you are.

I fully expect there are lots of people all around the world who would agree with me when I tell you, you still have something the world needs.
You don't have just a house and a cat, you also have a story to tell and a computer and an internet connection to enable you to tell it.
The world needs to hear your story and all it needs for you to tell it is to raise a little spark of anger and outrage.

You might think your story isn't exciting or even interesting but I believe it has the value of a parable or a morality play and you must make a record of it before you finally shuffle off this mortal coil.

I urge you to find a space somewhere on the internet that you can make your own, I don't know where but there are multitudes of people who could advise you, My Space perhaps.
I urge you to do that and start a blog and type an hour each day if you can manage it, until your story is told.
Leave nothing out from your earliest thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams right through to the present day with descriptions of your cat and it's character.

As to the quality of your life. There are still good people everywhere and charities and church groups contain many good people with volunteers who would bring you news or take you for an airing but you first have to tell them you are there.

No one knows how long they have left to live. You might live a long time yet in spite of your wish to fade away. It is an insult to the creator if spend your remaining time in despair without any quality of life wishing it away needlessly.

I hope I have given you food for thought. You can visit here whenever you need to. I am sorry you didn't get a very speedy reply this time. Send me a personal message if you want a quicker reply and I will try harder.
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