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Well I never was the chick to get mad over stupid things, and I always thought that if my man wanted to look at porn he could. That is before i fell in love...

well my boyfriend/fiance, he happens to dig the porn, he tells me all the time, its nothing compared to you, or i dont need it when your around. And i dont know, i guess i'm jealouse! I mean even in his phone he has pictures of all kinds of women.

It didnt even bother me until we were at his friends house and he decided to whip out his phone to goo ga ga over ms. puerto rico! So i i got jealouse and i told him i was going to erase all the other women in his phone and he threw a fit like a 3 year old getting his favorite toy tookin away...

I guess the main reason why it bothers me so much is the one question, does he imajine me as those other girls when were making love? Why is the porn so important to him? Is that classified as cheating? Would if hes addicted to it? What do I do??????????

please help me, and if you cant but you know what im going through, please let me know im not just a phsyco jealous girlfriend!!!
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replied March 13th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Good old Porn....
Boy this is a tricky subject...I see people go around in circles with it...Some men can get addicted to it and some just use it for amusement...

Now you and I both know that we don't know what our guy is imagining when he is making love to us?..But then, he doesn't know what we are thinking either!!....

IMO is this cheating?..No....Having fun..Yes...Why don't you join him and watch it...Maybe this would help....I know one time we were watching a movie in the family room with Jenna Jameson on a Porn flick...I got super mad because he was doing me and eyeing her at the same time....

As for the telephone...I don't think I would like some other woman's picture on his phone....

Hope this helps a bit....

Take care,
Caroline
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replied March 15th, 2009
Experienced User
I told my boyfriend that he wasn't allowed to look it up from the start. I guess if you put it off for that long it's harder to pull away from it. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he really loves you then he will listen, if not then just erase e erything anyway. That's what I would do.
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replied March 15th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
......and you think that by demanding that he not look at porn he just isn't going to do it? ...boys will be boys..if porno gets in the way of your sex life, as in thats ALL he's in to all the time and he isn't being physical with you then thats when theres a problem..but sometimes..the guy just wants a quick relief and porno just gets the job done faster...now if my boyfriend and i shared a computer i wouldn't want to see all the crap he looked at on his history...but other than that..i'd say leave it alone, i dont think its really a big deal so long as he isn't looking at webcam girls or anything, bc thats crossing the line and yes I would consider that as cheating but a simple porno..no..like caroline suggested..try watching it with him, my boyfriend and i did that once and it didn't take long for me to have ALL his attention
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replied March 15th, 2009
Experienced User
It is a touchy subject. You're right about that. Here's my take on it.

1) Most guys seem to want to look at porn.
2) Most guys seem to be "disconnected" from porn vs. real life.
3) True, some guys can become addicted to it.
4) I think that if they look at it all the time, it sorta detracts from the "WOW" factor when they see us.
5) I don't think it's disrespectful to the girl for her guy to look at porn. I think it's just something innately male (love it or hate it, they are what they are).

I had no problem with my previous b/f looking at porn and he looked at it a lot. He ended up getting with a co-worker and I caught him. That took care of that relationship.

My current b/f looks at porn occasionally, but not nearly as much as my previous b/f. While I didn't mind it with my previous b/f, it seems that since my current b/f isn't "consumed" by porn, he does seem to have a much more "interested" attitude if any of my clothing comes off.

Maybe it's just different guys, and maybe it's the difference between one guy who looks at porn occasionally and another guy who looks at it constantly.

I think what you have to decide isaywhatisay is whether or not his looking at porn is healthy, and normal or whether he's a little too into it for it to be good for him.

If you determine that he sees too much of it to be good for him, you need to point it out to him that THIS is your problem, not just the porn. Let him help make the decision, don't just pull it away from him cause that will just piss him off and make him hide his habit from you which does nobody any good.

Good luck.
Jasmine
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replied March 16th, 2009
Hmm Ok
Well i see it from a guy point of view that porn isnt like real sex, I don't like the way women think that men would even dream of thinking about pornstars when making love to there partners. I mean, pornstars are like video games, yeah its cool to do and stuff but then you girls are like the real thing going out there and kicking ass! Your fella obviously loves you otherwise he wouldnt be with you, but cut him some slack porn is like a fantasy but you are real life nothing can change that.

I hope that helped
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replied March 16th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
my boyfriend looks at porn and honestly, i have no problem with it.
1 its normal for guys to look at it, they are more sexually active than most women, so if they need to tie one off so be it.
2 i do not control my boyfriend, he is not my pet, he is my boyfriend, my love, my significant other who shares a part in our life.
3 i do not feel jealous of him doing this, because at the end of the day, they are just girls on a screen, and i am the one who comes home with him, spends time with him and built a relationship with.

its natural for guys to look at porn, its not cheating, because there is no bond or connection with that girl.
when my boyfriend and i are driving, and i see a girl that is obviously good-looking, ill point her out to my boyfriend, we both have a giggle, and go on with our day.
an example, one time i was at the mall looking for an outfit to wear to a baptism, and there happened to be a sales clerk in a very tiny mini skirt, and i called my boyfriend after getting out of that store and told her what she looked like. now, i dont think this is weird, you may think it is. but i do not feel the jealousy in doing this. my boyfriend is not the cheating type, we have a great relationship, fight on occasion and get things off our chest that we need to vent about.
my sister inlaw does these things too with her husband. we dont find it odd or weird. we love each other, we are open, and at the end of the day, we know that we both feel the same way about each other and love each other with all our hearts.
my boyfriend and his cousins describe girls they see while working, and my sister inlaw and i laugh, clearly her and i have something good going on because our boyfriend and husband are still with us and still feel the same way about each other just like we did when we first got together.

if you feel jealous maybe you need to talk this over with your boyfriend. its completely normal. im sure you see other guys sometimes and think, 'oh what a hottie!' but do you act upon that thought? no. i think it sometimes when im in a mall with my boyfriend, its not like i up and leave my boyfriend.
its natural to look at porn as a guy.
you should talk this over. but you should not control your boyfriend to do what you want as you would a dog. would you want to be controlled? if you still think its a problem, maybe this is not the guy for you.

hope that helped at all.
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replied April 14th, 2009
i didn't know until after we were married my husband was looking at porn and even after being caught/confronted he continued doing it...jus making more effort to hide it (but u know how us women are ;]) im sure like every other woman it makes u feel as if ur not good enuf as it did me too. and it feels like being cheating on, which i know that feeling all too well. but anyway the change came the day we watched the movie fireproof. have u seen it? if not u need to sit down one night WITH him and watch it. it has a similar situation in the movie, and if has any care for u and ur feelings...it will affect him as well. let me know how it goes! *thoughts n prayers!*
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replied April 14th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
every guy looks at porn.
and if he tells you he isn't hes lying to make himself look good for you.
its a natural thing guys do, they are more sexually active than most women.
it doesnt mean you arent good enough, or your not doing your job right in bed..i mean all porn is, is a fantasy in sure most women wont do what is shown on pornos!
how is it cheating? is he sleeping with the girls he is watching in the porn movies? no.
if your saying its like cheating, then that would mean that everytime he jacks off, he has cheated on you because it was not sex with you.
i dont feel like im not good enough for my boyfriend when he watches porn because afterall, its just porn! there is no connection between him and the girls he sees, not sleeping with the person, or anything that involves actual cheating, so whats the deal?
are you saying that because a guy watches porn he has no care or feelings for any person he is with? i dont see how that could be true at all.
its a natural thing guys do, watching porn.
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replied April 24th, 2009
Experienced User
ok thanks guys
thanks for all your replys seriously helped! but a quick update, i took the advise that most of you gave and that was to talk to him... well we have a deal that every video or picture he gets of me, i get to delete one of him... and i guess it feels like he was chaeting because he's looking at other women but as proud mommy of 2008 pointed out to me, i still look at hot guys on myspace, doesnt mean i talk to them or meet them i just look! i guess there is nothing wrong with eye candy... I just didnt know how to handle thinking he was imajining someone else in bed other than me... and when i talked to him he was like... "trust me, when its you im looking at and making love to (wich i dont do to magazines or the pics in my phone) im not thinking about anything else but the verry moment... and he did point out, he only looks at it when im not around... soo i guess he cant get mad when icome home with my playgirl magazine, cuz ill only use it when he's not around... eye candy is eye candy right! lol! but thanks you guys!
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replied April 25th, 2009
Experienced User
Women who hate porn usually have self image problems and they try to defend those issues by making their boyfriends/husbands refrain from looking at porn, or even other women. In other words, controlling another person is more desireable than getting some confindence.

Like almost anything out there, a person can become obesssive, but usually that is not the case. Porn addiction is not as common as alcohol addiction. IMO

I would suggest that your mate looking at porn is not the real problem. The real problem is your lack of self confindence, and it is not because he looks at porn. Your lack of self confindence was there way longer before you discovered he looked at porn.

Also, to be a bit more blunt. There are women out there who are against their men looking at porn, but they are not against masturbation?? They are also not against the idea of using a vibrator on themselves. In many cases, women do not have issues with themselves masturbating or using a vibrator, but yet those same women get jealous when a man does it and he looks at porn. This is nothing more than a control issue. And a very selfish one at that.

Please try to remember that maybe it is not your husband that should change, that maybe it is you. And in most cases, it is you that needs to change.
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replied May 4th, 2009
Experienced User
ok
well i dont know if you looked at what i wrote before you, but i understand to an extent of what your saying... What your telling me is i dont have enough self confidence to let my man look at all these progative pictures of chicks, and that i should let him goo ga over the chicks walkin down the street... no honey my problem isnt my confidence, i am accually verry confident, i really think im hott, and i look better then other chicks out there, so i dont think its my self image or confidence thats the problem here... its just the question why?

why do men need their porn that bad, when he has a woman (whos hott and confident) come in there room everynight, and attend to their needs? Why do men need to goo goo over the next chick walking down the street? Why is all that necessary... And look im not saying its not ok for my man to wack off, and i've gotten over the whole porn issue, now its more of a why do you need it question... Maybe im jealouse that i cant hold up a magazine and get off on a pic... i dunno... But what i do know is its most definently NOT my self CONFIDENCE! And i also know that when i get it 3 times a day, the last thing i want to do is maturbate to some pic...
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replied May 4th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Re: ok
isaywhatisay wrote:
well i dont know if you looked at what i wrote before you, but i understand to an extent of what your saying... What your telling me is i dont have enough self confidence to let my man look at all these progative pictures of chicks, and that i should let him goo ga over the chicks walkin down the street... no honey my problem isnt my confidence, i am accually verry confident, i really think im hott, and i look better then other chicks out there, so i dont think its my self image or confidence thats the problem here... its just the question why?

why do men need their porn that bad, when he has a woman (whos hott and confident) come in there room everynight, and attend to their needs? Why do men need to goo goo over the next chick walking down the street? Why is all that necessary... And look im not saying its not ok for my man to wack off, and i've gotten over the whole porn issue, now its more of a why do you need it question... Maybe im jealouse that i cant hold up a magazine and get off on a pic... i dunno... But what i do know is its most definently NOT my self CONFIDENCE! And i also know that when i get it 3 times a day, the last thing i want to do is maturbate to some pic...


I agree with you 100%...Seeing I am going to be the rebel around here, I believe that Porn sucks...It makes a man wank off and soon his actions in bed reflect this...He no longer makes love to you, but to a picture in his mind of the harem that he sees in front of him...He can hardly wait to cum inside you because he is used to jacking off so fast...Take a look at all the guys in the Men's forum with erectile dysfunction...They didn't get it eating wheaties....Here I will back you up....I figure I took the gloves off yesterday so I have nothing to lose....

Caroline
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replied May 4th, 2009
Experienced User
Quote:
I agree with you 100%...Seeing I am going to be the rebel around here, I believe that Porn sucks...It makes a man yank off and soon his actions in bed reflect this...He no longer makes love to you, but to a picture in his mind of the harem that he sees in front of him...He can hardly wait to cum inside you because he is used to jacking off so fast...Take a look at all the guys in the Men's forum with erectile dysfunction...They didn't get it eating wheaties....Here I will back you up....I figure I took the gloves off yesterday so I have nothing to lose....


WOW that is just way out to lunch, and totally shows a total lack of general understanding......of anything.


To isaywhatisay
You can be as hot as you want, looks is not a question when it comes to self confindence. But if you say you do have confindence, then I guess you do. I speak in general terms. And of course there can be exceptions.

You ask why do men look at porn to get off. I say why not???? Again, from you comments, it sounds like you do not accept the whole idea of you man looking at porn. It is all relative. You, as a woman, might feel that getting off to porn is undesirable. However, why do you think it is okay to impose your opinions on your BF? Why not just accept he is a man and this is something that many men like to do. Why try to be a dictator in force your feelings upon him and your relationship.

To add further, I like how you got mad at him for looking at porn, but openly admit to looking at people on face book. People who you can easily contact with and move in a dangerous direction. As far as I know, most of the women in porn do not give their real names, let alone their real contact information. So, actually who is doing the most wrong.

Yeah, I feel you have self confindence issues. Because you do not have the strength to allow your BF to look at porn because it challenges you. Yet, you also think nothing of looking at other men on my space, which again shows you have control issues. And control issues are usually orginated from self confindence issues.
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replied May 16th, 2009
Experienced User
ok my one concern now
ok i understand all the he's just a man and i should tell him not to look at porn just because of my self insecuritys, but there was only one person who cared about MY feelings in all this... howcome as women we have to push aside our feelings so a man can be a man. how come girls can sacrifice their own heart feelings for a man to stare at some other lady. But the man cant sacrifise a stupid magazine with just naked chicks in it for our feelings? whats up with that? you know i mean i understand both veiws and my hubby and i have worked everything out already, men are visual thats why i agreed to let him get pics and videos of me in exchange for the other girls. its just when i wrote this forum there was all kinds of drama with the porn going on... it just implanted a couple of lingering questions in my mind you know? and it is disturbing when your havin sex and he closes his eyes and your sitting there looking at him wondering what hes imagining... cuz i know when im doin him im looking at him picturing him, hes the only one i can imagine being with, and i guess inside it kills me that other girls can still get my man up. i think im more beating myself up cuz i fell in love with a man, and a man will be a man i guess!
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replied May 16th, 2009
Experienced User
Re: ok my one concern now
isaywhatisay wrote:
ok i understand all the he's just a man and i should tell him not to look at porn just because of my self insecuritys, but there was only one person who cared about MY feelings in all this... howcome as women we have to push aside our feelings so a man can be a man. how come girls can sacrifice their own heart feelings for a man to stare at some other lady. But the man cant sacrifise a stupid magazine with just naked chicks in it for our feelings? whats up with that? you know i mean i understand both veiws and my hubby and i have worked everything out already, men are visual thats why i agreed to let him get pics and videos of me in exchange for the other girls. its just when i wrote this forum there was all kinds of drama with the porn going on... it just implanted a couple of lingering questions in my mind you know? and it is disturbing when your havin sex and he closes his eyes and your sitting there looking at him wondering what hes imagining... cuz i know when im doin him im looking at him picturing him, hes the only one i can imagine being with, and i guess inside it kills me that other girls can still get my man up. i think im more beating myself up cuz i fell in love with a man, and a man will be a man i guess!


Alright, when you are expecting a certain behavior from the person you love, you need to make sure you are also behaving with him the in the same manner. Since you don't watch porn, in my opinion, it's not at all unfare if you expect him not to do the same. I am 22/m and I do not like to watch porn or anything such as that. When I get married in the future, I will be extremely hurt if I find my wife watching porn videos. Since I do not watch those stuffs, it is not at all unfair if I expect my wife to refrain from doing so. If I ever watch porn, after getting married (or even now), I will be feeling I am cheating with the woman whom I have accepted in the name of God. I am ready to sacrifice my life for her to form a true and pure love. I will try my best never to fantasize any other woman except for her. It may sound "philosophical" or for that matter "impractical" but that is what I believe. Most people find me very weird but I believe somewhat in the policy of remaining faithful to one woman for the whole life and I intend to remain a virgin (I don't know if it is odd when a 22/m is terming himself as virgin) until married. I wouldn't like to cheat the woman, by watching other women, whom I have promised to be with in good times and bad times as well in the name of God. Coming back to your man, well, I guess you simply need to tell him that you don't like him watching porn. Tell him it hurts you badly. If you can explain and convince him rationally (and if he truly loves you) I am sure he will make sincere efforts to leave this habit. I am sorry if my ideas sound like that of a man who is 222 (!!!) years old instead of a young man who is only 22 but that is what I believe and it reflects my personal opinion only. You have the absolute freedom to agree/disagree.
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replied May 17th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Makoto:...First of all what I wrote was at 2 o'clock this morning...This post took me less than 10 minutes...Without looking at your quotes, I doubt that I made any mistakes...Now to your post...

First of all my husband is a leader and not a follower...We are so close that we do not have issues....We think alike and are alike....He is wild and funny....Gentle as a man can be, yet his words demand respect...He bends to my demands as I bend to him...This is called love...Sex has NEVER been an issue in our relationship..It has been our blessing...Saying this, don't throw your insecure jealousy crap at me....Come on boy, do you think that an insecure woman could write what I write on this site and say what I say?....I bend to no one but him....He is my master and lover....Need I say more...

On your first objection you did not put down my full paragraph...Just your words of choice...They were

"I am a woman and do not need Porn...My Porn is in my mind...Once a man is in a committed relationship, he should feel the same way...If they both want to turn on with it, then do it...However, if he needs this to turn himself on to a woman than it is bad and it will get worse."

I stand behind what I wrote...If a man needs this to turn on for a woman it is and can be a serious flaw in their relationship...For the life of me, I can't imagine a man having to look at naked women to get turned on to his wife/lover...Yet I have said if they both want it and it is part of their foreplay, then go with it...It is the objection of one of them that should be taken into consideration...I would not tolerate it nor would my husband if I did it...I know as a woman that my mind would be taking another part of me to bed and this is not what I want in our marriage...You see, we are perfection in a relationship and I could nor would have flawed it in any way years ago with Porn...I have both seen and heard of a woman's problems along these lines...Porn begets more porn...Soon the man wants sexual things like he is seeing...With some it is man and man, threesomes and it goes on...You can argue until the cows come home, but you are disagreeing with me about something that I know would have been dangerous years ago and I have watched help ruin the world...End of that subject....

Masturbation is normal to a degree....When it takes over your body, which it does to both sexes, and becomes a place in your mind where you have to go to find that perfect pleasure that only you can find, it becomes an addiction...The more you do the more you want to do...It can and does ruin marriages...No wife can do what a husband can do to himself...So in the end she is forced to do many dreaded things that man insists on...Why shouldn't he?....His harem on the computer does it.....What used to be normal sex turns into every animal like venture that man can find....So often I wonder, what happened to a marriage or relationship that started out as love?....What happens when they have no more things to invent nor no more objects to shove at this new place in her/his body?.......

The more a man masturbates, the less his retaining power before he ejaculates.....What happens then all people know...Just look at the erectile dysfunction forums wherever you go...Sure I could solve it for my husband, but how many women care too....They grow older and are sick of all this sick sex that they have had to take and are happy that he is now out to pasture...You know, wank off honey....Now is my time to live....

As for your comment of do you think I have a problem because I oppose the fact that a man who is so into Porn that he needs it daily and to turn on for his wife, you have got to be kidding...I will not dignify that comment with an answer....

Once and for all, I believe if both people want to watch it, then do it...If it helps the woman's libido, watch it...If it is a necessary amusement that a man has to watch as a hobby or pleasure, he is walking a dangerous ground...I will clarify this...This may not be true if he is living with or married to a woman that simply doesn't care...She would rather see him jack off to a computer than bother her...Many of them around...But, it is the women who are like I am that love a man and want him for ourselves that are bothered by this sickness...I am married to him and want him to myself...I don't want to share him with a computer of hot women to show him their wares...If both of us watch it, OK...I would not tolerate this as a hobby for him to go down to his office and sit for hours and watch and wank off...Please understand...My husband has his own computer and server in the office off the family room in the lower level of the home we built...I never check the bill each month to see where he goes or what he does...Yet, I know he would not do Porn....I am all the woman that he would ever want....This is the way many women want to feel rather than share him with a young or old babe that is eager to expose herself...

Your thought of a fantasy in your mind and a live object on the computer is a no brainier....If this is true, then go to your mind...Forget the Porn...Pretty wild....

Men and women are so different in watching Porn...We could watch it for hours and not masturbate...Instead we would be bored...A little of that crap goes a long way.....it gets boring...

As for me I seldom masturbate...I don't need to...When I do this I take something away from my husband..I alone have found this out so I stay away from it...In this regard, I fight myself...I do this knowing that it is better for the heat that we have between us...I want to give him all that I am...However, we are sexual at least twice a week and each day we find time in the afternoon to lay in each other's arms...There at least twice a week he will find his way between my legs and finger me...He is perfection in a man...I keep a heavy towel next to the bed in the nightstand in each of the bedrooms for the ejaculate that I emit...So many times during this happening that my mind wander back to years ago and the front seat of a car...There my lover discovered this precious part of me...He had kissed me and for the first time I let him go up my leg of the skirt I had on...He passed my garter belt and moved my panties aside...I opened for him as he found my wet pubic hair...I moaned my hunger as he fingered me and in that moment I truly found heaven....Then he moved down on me and spread my legs farther and ate me out...Found all the special places inside me and I die inside....And to this day I have never stopped dying when he touches me and live in a place called lust....This is usually my fantasy......

No I did not admit to fantasizing about other people...I admit to going to a certain place in my mind...Nor have I said that masturbating is not normal...I believe that people who are not in a relationship should do this frequently....Especially older people..I would not go as far as to say daily as that could be too much, but they should do it...However, if you are in a relationship, you don't need this...You are taking something away from your lover....You see man can never duplicate the pleasure that I hold in my hand in pleasuring myself just as woman can never duplicate the pleasure that you have with your hand....We each can be our own best lover...This alone is why masturbating can be your own worst enemy in a relationship...You strive harder with your partner in trying to find perfection...He is fighting your own perfection in pleasuring yourself, yet you probably cannot understand this statement either.....

No not everyone is advocating Porn like you say...You are playing a starring role in something that you want to be your mantra....I play a role of fighting what can destroy a relationship and possibly even more in years to come....We are each walking a different road in life....My road has led me to a life of happiness....Sex is treated as sex should be treated....It is an addition to who we are as a couple and neither of us let it rule our world....I wish you well...
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